The Revival of Sirrah Safiq
by theminiaturist
Summary: The War had been over for nearly three years. Everyone is simply trying to move on with their lives. Sirrah is trying to move on as well. She just doesn't know where to move on to. She wants to atone for the sins she committed during the war, but she doesn't know how. A story of forgiveness and new friendship.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or anything you recognize.

Chapter 1: Vicious

If anything was for certain - and there wasn't much that was these days - it was that Azkaban was lonely. They said some went mad within a few days. I had already been here for a couple months and I didn't feel insane. It was almost like Father had known I would get thrown into Azkaban and he had been conditioning me for it. The solitude didn't bother me the way it did others.

I had gotten word yesterday that my trial would be today. It was unfortunate really that my trial would be a large one. The Wizenmagot was likely to be full of people who had lost someone in the war. A war in which I had been on the wrong side.

I lay down on the cold rocks of my cell and closed my eyes. The sun was rising, but I could hardly see it through the tiny slits in the wall of my cell. I could feel the cool, ocean breeze, though. It tore right through the thin prison grab I was wearing. I curled up on my side, trying to conserve my warmth. Two months in Azkaban and the cruelty of it still surprised me. We were in solitude every hour of every day. The dementors alone were enough to suck the life out of you without the prison guards constantly yelling at you and hitting you. I got to come out of my cell twice a day, once for a shower, and once for a routine check. Each time I was escorted by two guards, and each time they managed to give me more bruises than I felt I had skin for.

The wind howled through my cell and my teeth started chattering. I tried to make them stop, but once the cold had set in, there was nothing to do about it. Sometimes the cold was enough to make me want to break out of Azkaban. I got up, deciding sitting on the ground wasn't making me any warmer. I started to pace my cell, waiting for the cold to leave my bones. I couldn't feel my fingers any more. I thought maybe the wall facing the sun would be warmer, but when I placed a hand on it, it was cold as ice. I hissed, drawing my hand back. I nearly screamed when someone began banging on the metal door of my cell.

"Sirrah Safiq!" A voice reverberated through the walls of my cell. "Prepare to be bound." I briefly wondered what would happen if I didn't prepared myself, but quickly prepared anyway. It probably wasn't anything good. I heard a muttered 'petrificus totalus' and then I couldn't move. The door to my cell swung open, and two prison guards in gray robes stepped forward. They were both men who looked bored out of their wits. One of them levitated my body while the other one disabled the charms in my cell so we could disapparate. The one man threw me an disinterested look, while the other one sneered at me. I was just glad they didn't hit me. It took them a full five minutes before we were ready to apparate, and by that time it felt as if my toes would fall off, they were so cold. Finally when they had decided they were ready, we disapparated with a sickening pop.

When we arrived I couldn't see for a second. There was too much light, and it was warm. I felt a little sick from the contrast. When I finally could see I almost wished I could go back to not seeing. Unfortunately, it was worse than I feared. It seemed anyone who had ever lost anyone to Voldemort was there. Perhaps it was because everyone had lost someone to Voldemort. It wasn't as if I was hadn't lost someone to him. Just in a short glance I saw Neville Longbottom, at least three Weaseleys and Minerva McGonagall. I would get the kiss for certain. I tried to keep my eyes forward, but I couldn't help looking around. It seemed half of wizarding England had shown up. They all seemed to be yelling at me or yelling about me. It was too loud. At least when we had, had Death Eater meetings they had been relatively quiet. The Chief Warlock called the trial to order. I took my place - in chains - in the middle of the room. My bare feet tapped against the marble floor, and my teeth still chattered a little bit.

"State your appeal." The Chief Warlock said in a raspy voice. I fixed my eyes upon a piece of the wall and took a deep breath. I couldn't look at all these people while I made an appeal for my soul.

"I, Sirrah Safiq, file a plea of pardon for my war crimes including, using the dark arts, using the unforgiveables, bearing the Dark Mark, and murder. I would like a place in the reformatory program for Death Eaters. I believe I can become a valuable asset to your program."

"And why is that?" A voice from the middle of the room. I spotted him instantly. Red hair, redder face. Ron Weaseley. Sitting beside him was Harry Potter, with an unreadable expression upon his face.

"I have knowledge concerning surviving death eaters and there whereabouts." I said calmly. Another witch stood up, higher in the circle. She angrily brandished a scroll in her hand. Her eyes were beady, and she might have been pretty if she weren't trying to get my soul sucked out of my body.

"She is well known as one of Voldemorts most faithful followers. She only wants to save her own skin. If we let her into the program she will surely return to the Death Eaters." I didn't offer up an argument. I didn't have anything to prove to them I wouldn't. The verdict was made quickly. The kiss it would be. I was led out of the room and I somehow managed to keep my head up straight. If there was one thing I could handle well, it was disappointment. As I was walking out I saw the boy with scar. He looked relieved. As we apparated back to Azkaban I felt my stomach drop, and it wasn't just because of the apparation.

The reformatory program for Death Eaters had been headed up by Lucius Malfoy but was now run by Harry Potter. As far as I knew only four death eaters had been accepted into the program. The rest were still hiding or had gotten the kiss.

I had known that it would be a hopeless case for me when I appealed. I had just hoped turning myself in might help my case.

I sat down in my cell and sighed. I would get the kiss tomorrow. I was a little sad, but I knew it was likely that this would happen. I wondered briefly about what soullessness would be like but moved onto better things shortly. I tried to think of a time I had been happy. It was hard but I finally found a day that I had been happy during. I had been twelve years old. It was Christmas and my parents had just owled me to tell me that I would have to stay at Hogwarts for vacation because they were 'busy'. I spent the entire break alone. I ate alone. I read alone. I played outside alone. It was the happiest time of my life.

I closed my eyes and tried to remember every second of those two weeks. I remembered myself into a reverie. It wasn't such a bad place to be. It was better than crying or screaming. I had heard other do that. One of the witches across from me had been sentenced for the kiss a week ago. When she found she screamed for an entire twenty-four hours. _That_ nearly drove me crazy. It wasn't unusual for this to happen. For some reason soullessness inspired a desperation in people that death simply did not. I was nodding off to sleep when an explosion rocked my cell.

I stood up quickly trying to orient myself. A hole the size of a door had been blown clear through the wall. Outside it was night, and the ocean spray slicked my skin. I saw two wizards on brooms swoop in through the hole. In flew Amycus Carrow and Anton Dolohov. Amycus sneered at me in his typical greeting.

"Sirrah, so good to see you again." Anger bubbled in my chest. These blithering idiots. Anton tossed me my wand and I caught it deftly. The wand fit back into my palm as if it had never left. Anton grinned at me with what I can only describe as idiocy. They thought they were doing me a favor. It was almost comical really. I could just see the trophies they were already handing themselves in their minds. 'Anton Dolohov, former unknown Death Eater, breaks Voldemorts right hand out of Azkaban!' I saw red. Without blinking I silently threw the killing curse at Dolohov. His face of death was surprise. I was so angry, and I wasn't entirely sure why. I looked at Carrow. His mouth formed a perfect 'o'. Then his eyebrows knotted in rage.

"I told you before, I am out." I growled and held up my wand. He threw a few half-hearted curses my way, but I deflected them easily, without breathing a word. He knew I was the better dueler so he jumped on his broom and flew out. He yelled curses at me, but I hardly heard them.

Unfortunately for me I turned my back on him. I would have thought he had even a shred of honor that kept him from cursing at someone with their back turned, but I should have known better. I had done it to others a thousand times. I guess what goes around, really does come around. As he flew past the hole in my cell he cast _sectumsempra_ at my back. Too late I twisted out of the way. It hit my left arm and ribcage and gashes spread across them like wildfire. A strangled scream escaped my lips. I fell to the floor of my cell and I felt blood seeping into my clothes. I started to black out just as aurors started rushing in. My eyes fluttered shut as someone started examining my arm.

I woke up at St. Mungo's. My arm ached terribly and my ribcage felt as if a car had run into it. As my eyes opened I realized I was surrounded by aurors. I closed my eyes again. I couldn't stand their abrasive stares. I didn't recognize any, but I had closed my eyes after about two seconds. Honestly, I was hoping known of them recognized me. The door to my room opened loudly, and my eyes snapped open. Someone I did recognize – Hermione Granger – walked in. Her hair was twisted into a severe bun, and her brown eyes scanned the room methodically. Her eyes pierced into mine and her mouth set into a thin line.

"Everyone except Merlin, get out." Her voice was commanding, but I could hear a little bit of the genius girl from Hogwarts. Aurors started to exit the room quickly. Robes rustled and boots clicked. Hermione came somehow managing to look interested and annoyed at the same time. "Ms. Safiq?" She asked me as if to check I was alive. I suppressed a very large sigh.

"Yes, Miss Granger."

"We need to know what happened at Azkaban two nights ago." I thought it would have been obvious, but perhaps not. There was the problem of Anton Dolohov lying dead in my cell.

"Carrow and Dolohov blew a hole in my cell – presumably to help me escape. They threw me my wand. I killed Dolohov. While Carrow was escaping he hit me with _sectumsempra_."

"If they were helping you escape, why did you kill Dolohov?" She asked. She raised an eyebrow to a height I formerly though impossible for eyebrows to reach. I blinked. Did they really think I hadn't meant at all what I said about wanting to be in the reformatory program for Death Eaters?

"I didn't want to escape."

"And why is that?"

"I had been sentenced for the kiss." I held onto the s of 'kiss' for a second too long. She seemed to think on that for a while. Merlin – the other auror seemed to be laughing at something, although I couldn't see at all the humor in this situation.

"So you were going to stay even though you knew you would get the kiss?" She asked.

"I suppose. If the choice was get the kiss or be a Death Eater again then yes. I told them; I'm out." Hermione hid her shock well, but the little twitch in her eyebrows told me she wanted to raise them. She scrunched up her nose slightly while she thought. I saw a glimmer of the former girl she had been.

"I'm going to recommend you go to the Wizenmagot again for a retrial." She didn't give an explanation. She simply stood up and walked out with Merlin fast on her heals. I relaxed back in bed and looked at the ceiling. I didn't really want to go the Wizenmagot again. It would just get my hopes again only to, in the end, get the kiss. The door of my room opened again. I opened my eyes, expecting Hermione Granger again. A healer walked in, looking angry, but scared. I really hoped I hadn't killed someone she loved because I didn't really fancy getting killed by a healer. It seemed very poetic and not at all the way I wanted to go. She attended to my arm and I watched her surreptitiously.

"I'm not going to hurt you, if that's what you're all worked up about." Her voice was nasally, and had a hard edge to it. I didn't respond, simply trying to relax. "Unlike you, I would never hurt someone." _Ah_. I had hurt somebody she loved. The jibe hurt less then it probably should have. In fact I was completely used to this kind of treatment. She left the room probably feeling very brave for talking up to a Death Eater. I stared at the arm she had been working on and sighed. The Dark Mark. Would I ever be rid of its evil? Probably not. I remembered when Voldemort had given it to me. It had hurt like mad. I remembered the feeling of when he called us. Sometimes I woke up screaming because I thought I had felt him calling me. The thought was terrifying – that at any moment he could come back and claim us again. Thankfully he was dead. I closed my eyes and tried to fall back to sleep. If at all possibly I wanted to spend the last hours of my life in peace.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or anything you recognize.

 **A/N:** I just started writing this and I would love to know what people think about it... So please, review! I try to be accurate to the books and I always love learning more about the Harry Potter universe, so please let me know if something is inaccurate. It would be very much appreciated:)

Chapter 2: Better Together

Apparently the Wizenmagot didn't like to wait, or perhaps they were bored, because I was called to retrial in the same day. Hermione Granger herself came to escort me along with Merlin. She apparated us to the Ministry and rushed us into the Wizenmagot. Her forehead was all scrunched up and she looked stressed beyond measure.

"They don't like to be kept waiting." She mumbled almost to herself. Her stress began to rub off on me, and my heart started doing nervous flips in my chest. This time when I walked in, the Wizenmagot was in an uproar. Everyone arguing over everyone else. The Chief Warlock tried to call the meeting into order unsuccessfully, twice. When he finally managed to call the meeting to order his face was terribly red and his eyes very bulgy. I tried not to smile. There was nothing humorous about this.

"Hermione Granger state reason for retrial." The Chief Warlock boomed. He drummed his fingers on his table impatiently. He didn't look like the kind of man who liked retrials.

"Two nights ago Sirrah Safiq's cell was broken into at Azkaban, by Amycus and Anton Dolohov – confirmed Death Eaters. They were attempting to break her out – she in turn killed Dolohov and suffered the _sectumsempra_ curse from Carrow. She said, and I quote 'If the choice was get the kiss or be a death eater again,' then she would rather stay in Azkaban. Merlin is my witness. I think she would be a worthy candidate for the reformatory program for Death Eaters." Out of the crowd a frizzy haired witch stood up.

"There is still the problem of her killing Lestrange. That is an unforgiveable. I believe, simply, that Death Eater's cannot be reformed. We cannot teach someone who knows only evil to be good." She sat down very much angry. Next the Weaseley stood up. He was less red today. His we gesturing with his hands before he even started talking, as if to tell us that 'yes, he really _was_ serious'.

"How do we know this wasn't an elaborate plot to get her into the program?" He spat, angrily. I almost sighed. That, though smart, would have been nigh impossible. "She did give herself up to the Ministry. Perhaps she wanted this to happen, just so she could get into the program." Other's started whispering again and that's when I knew there was no hope. No one said anything for a while and it seemed the decision had been made. Finally the Chief Warlock called the meeting to order and I closed my eyes. No tears waited behind my eyes, but disappointment, surely.

"Wait!" My eyes shot open and I searched for the owner of the voice. I nearly laughed. It was the boy with the scar. His glasses were resting in his mass of black hair and he rubbed the bridge of his nose. He was about to do something he would regret. I could see it in his posture. "I think we should give her a chance in the program. There is more evidence for her than against her." The Weasely sitting next to him could have swallowed an owl, his mouth was so wide. "I don't think we should condemn her to the kiss when she had shown obvious desire to reform. There is evidence that she wants to reform. I think we should give her a chance. After all, she has invaluable information to help us usurp the Death Eater's once and for all." He sat down quickly, placing his glasses back on his nose. The room quieted. In fact it was silent. I wanted to jump for joy, but instead I gazed at the boy with the scar. He made eye contact with me and I nodded at him. If they agreed, then I owed him my soul. Somehow that was ten times heavier than owing him my life.

There was some more conversing, but it was subdued. With the boy with the scar on my side I couldn't lose. Finally the Chief Warlock called the meeting to order.

"We will allow Sirrah Safiq into the reformatory program for Death Eaters." The boy with the scar looked relieved. Not for me though, for himself. Hermione managed to look excited and also worried at the same time. I was… something. I guess it felt good. No one seemed to know what to do after I had been acquitted. Finally, people started getting up. Hermione and Merlin didn't move, so I didn't move. Plus, I was still chained. The Weaseley and the boy with the scar came down to meet Hermione accompanied by two other Weaseleys. One of the boys was tall and not at all red like the other. His hair was red, yes, but _he_ wasn't red. He slapped me on the back heartily. I recognized him as George Weaseley.

"Welcome back to the land of the living." I didn't feel like pointing out I hadn't been dead because sometimes Azkaban had felt like death. The boy with the scar came up to me and shook my hand. The chains on my wrist clanked. He frowned at them and waved his wand over them. They fell to the ground.

"Harry Potter," He said, introducing himself. It was odd that he felt the need to do so.

"Sirrah Safiq," I introduced myself, not knowing how to respond.

"I'm glad you will be joining our program. We need… some new blood."

"Who is in the program so far?" I asked.

"All of the Malfoy's, although they really headed it up, Ellen Rosier, Jasper Lestrange and the Avery's."

"Jasper Lestrange? When did he become a Death Eater?" I asked quietly. Jasper was younger than I was. I had hoped he had avoided the mark.

"He told us it was right before the Battle of Hogwarts." I shook my head in dismay.

"I hadn't known." Hermione shook Harry's shoulder vigorously.

"Draco wants you to meet him in his office as soon as possible. He say's you need to talk logistics and also get her room set up at Malfoy Manor." Hermione rushed out of the room looking flushed and I looked at him questioningly.

"All those involved in the program are living at Malfoy Manor, except me of course. It's an easy way to build strength within the program and also to-"

"Make sure we don't go anywhere." I finished. He nodded solemnly.

"I didn't feel the need to lie to you. Technically you are still prisoners, we just one day, want you not to be." The Weaseley who had been so keen on seeing me get the kiss, finally walked over to us. He introduced himself as Ron stiffly, though I actually remembered him from Hogwarts so it wasn't strictly necessary. I had been a year ahead of him and Potter. I had dropped out in my fifth year though, when Voldemort made his return.

"Don't you remember me from Hogwarts?" I asked them. They both looked mildly uncomfortable for a minute, until they both shook their heads.

"We didn't know many Slytherins." Ron said with a note of contempt in his voice. I looked at him shrewdly.

"I was a Ravenclaw." He seemed to choke on air. Potter too, got a little red.

"But, but Death Eaters!" Ron stuttered, his face getting red with rage.

"Death Eater's are not always Slytherin. In fact Death Eater's are not always purebloods. Is it that you think so lowly of Slytherin or that you think so highly of all other houses that you find this so hard to believe?" He didn't answer me, and instead stormed off. Potter looked at me sheepishly.

"We had better go see Malfoy. He'll be terribly angry that he missed the retrial. He said he was really busy." I didn't question further. He took me through a number of hallways, all of which seemed to be the same horrid shade of green. I rubbed my temples as a migraine started building. We had to go the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, and then we had to walk quite a while until we were in some obscure corner that I doubted many knew about. We finally arrived at an unassuming door with the words "Reformatory Program for Death Eaters Office" written on a plaque. He took me in and guided me to an open door on our right. Draco Malfoy was sitting at his desk scribbling furiously on a parchment scroll. He didn't look very different from our time at school, but he _seemed_ different. The fact alone that he and Potter were working together seemed miraculous. He looked up at us and didn't quite smile. I never remembered him smiling before, so it really wasn't too surprising.

He stood up and shook my hand and then he shook Potter's hand. He leaned back on his desk and looked at us.

"I'm very pleased that you will be joining our program Miss Safiq. We need… some new blood." His words echoed Potter's eerily. Perhaps the situation was worse than I had imagined. The word blood carried a very heavy connotation in relation to Death Eater's. "We will have you move in immediately if that's alright." His lips quirked up. "Unless of course you have your heart set on spending some more time in Azkaban."

"No, thank you."

"I supposed not. Are there any possesions of yours that need to be collected?"

"I will only need my wand, thank you." He nodded.

"Of course. We have it… somewhere. Harry, where did Hermione say they put the wand?" Harry sighed.

"Oh it was somewhere obscure. I've honestly no idea, let me go ask her." He walked out briskly. I turned back to Malfoy and raised my eyebrows.

"So, what is all this about 'new blood'? Death Eaters and blood don't exactly mix well." I asked. Malfoy winced.

"Please, reformed Death Eater's. If you call anyone a Death Eater you will probably be hexed, or cursed, which would really be unfortunate. My bill at St. Mungo's had almost tripled since I started this program." He sighed and then seemed to realize he hadn't answered the question. He looked at me seriously. "You were right when you said _reformed_ Death Eater's and blood don't mix well. Everyone has started to change. They did what the ministry asked. They did their part as the good reformed Death Eater and know they're stuck. They either don't want to, or don't know how to change more. We need a catalyst. They need a reason to want to change and I can't give it to them. Nobody can. They have to find out for themselves why they want to change." He shook his head. He rubbed his wrist absentmindedly. "I know it's been almost three years, but they seem to forget what a sorry place we came from. Sometimes I wish they would be thankful just for getting a second chance." I stayed silent for a while.

"Are you?" He looked up.

"Am I what?" He asked confused.

"Are you grateful for a second chance?" He almost laughed.

"Eternally." He sighed and then picked up the parchment he had been scribbling on. "This is a contract that will bind you to the information you promised to the Ministry. I nodded. "I will need to you to sign it, and I feel obligated to tell you that this is no ordinary signature. This will truly bind you to your word. I nodded.

"I understand."

"Alright, it will take about two months to process this," He rolled his eyes almost imperceptibly. "And then you will have to meet with one of the head aurors and tell them all information concerning Death Eaters. If you withhold any information, they will know. Are you ready to sign it?" He asked. I nodded. He handed me his quill and placed the paper on his desk. I signed it quickly, hardly even thinking about it. I had promised the information after all, and what did I have to hide anyway?

Potter burst back into the room brandishing my wand. He handed it to me right before Malfoy snatched it out of my hands.

"Harry!" He cried. "Honestly I've reminded you a thousand times, they can't have wands until they are on the premises of Malfoy Manor." He muttered something under his breath. Harry smacked his head, but he looked extremely pleased and was even blushing a little bit.

"I know mate, I'm sorry, but you won't believe what just happened."

"What." Malfoy said exasperatedly.

"Ginny sent me an owl; she's pregant!" I almost rolled my eyes. Malfoy did actually roll his eyes.

"Potter get out of my office and be lovesick elsewhere. I have work to do." Potter happily obliged. He stuck his head back in a second later.

"Wait, can I go home?" Malfoy waved him away with his hand. Potter grinned.

"He's not usually like this. Usually he's, much more professional." Malfoy said. He looked back at me and ran a hand through his almost white hair.

"He did just find out he's having a child." I said. "I imagine that's very exciting." He nodded.

"Yes, I imagine so. Are you ready to go?" I nodded. He offered me his arm and I accepted it. We walked through the hallways until we got to the floos. We flooed straight to Malfoy Manor. The floo lead right into the living room of Malfoy Manor. As soon as we were inside, Malfoy handed me my wand. He bowed at the waist and let go of my arm.

"Welcome to Malfoy Manor."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or anything you recognize.

Chapter 3: Brambles

"Father, Mother?" He called. "I have someone I would like you to greet." When there was no response he sighed. "I'll be right back. They might be resting in their rooms. If you could just wait here?" I nodded. When he had walked off to wherever he was going in this giant Manor I started looking around. It was beautiful really. I had been here before of course, for meetings with Voldemort, but much like Malfoy it had changed a lot. It didn't seem to be eternally rainy and dark anymore. In fact the sun was shining in from the open windows. Outside the grounds were perfectly pruned and flowers were starting to bloom.

Inside there were lots of colors. I didn't remember colors. I remembered black and red. The great hall was decorated with green and pale blue. The fires in the braziers burned white. In the middle of the great room there was a piano. I almost laughed. A Muggle instrument? In Malfoy Manor? It really was laughable. Perhaps one of them played. Perhaps I would play. Anything seemed possible when there was light coming in through the windows of Malfoy Manor.

I walked over to the piano to look at it. It was a Steinway and Sons. It was beautiful. It was black and the wood was polished, but not too shiny. The keys were obviously ivory and the red felt on the hammers was brighter than seemed possible. Of course if there was going to be a muggle instrument here, it would be only the best.

"Do you play?" A voice from above. I turned to the owner and looked at them surprised. It was a girl with golden hair and striking blue eyes. She was by far the most beautiful girl I had ever met. She was tall and walked with perfect poise. Her skin was the color of porcelain. She looked so delicate yet whimisical. She walked down the stairs, bare feet sliding over the golden carpet.

"You must be Ellen Rosier." I said. She nodded.

"I don't think I ever met you, while we were Death Eaters." She said it flippantly as if she were stating that the sky was blue.

"I don't think we did." Then she was back to piano, completely forgetting about Death Eaters.

"So, do you play? I've begged _everyone_ to play, but no one will. All the Malfoy's insist they don't, although I know Narcissa is lying, and the Avery's refuse to. They think it's beneath them. I think they're stuck up."

"What of Jasper?" She frowned with perfect lips.

"No, I doubt he plays. But you still haven't answered my question?" She almost sounded like a child.

"Unfortunately I don't play." I said. "My brother used to."

"Oh?" She asked, raising her eyebrows. "Where is he now?"

"He was a squib. He was put up for adoption before I was born. A muggle family raised him. I've only met him a few times." She frowned.

"I do wish someone could play for me. It is a beautiful instrument."

"Ellen! You've met Sirrah?" Malfoy came back into the room, his parents drifting behind him.

"I have." Ellen waltzed back up the stairs and disappeared. Malfoy seemed undeterred.

"Mother, Father, you remember Sirrah don't you?" It seemed to be implied that we met at some Death Eater meeting or another.

"Yes of course." Narcissa said kissing my cheek. "It is terribly good to see you again." She said smiling.

"And you." I replied. I wondered if we were just going to ignore the fact that the last time I had seen them we had been killing muggles. Lucius shook my hand a little stiffly and I wondered how sincere he was about all this. It seemed hard to believe that _Lucius Malfoy_ , the apex of evil, could so easily turn around and become a muggle lover. I marveled at how weak and old he looked compared to the last time I had seen him. His skin was papery and thin, and in the traditional Malfoy way he was slim, and he looked deceivingly delicate. His blue eyes were dimmer than I remembered, and his hair whiter. He still used a cane to walk, but more out of necessity now.

"Sirrah, dear, so good to see you." He mused. His voice was still melodic, just like his son's, and I wondered if it was a family trait. Another person came down from the stairs. I caught a glance of shiny black hair and caramel colored eyes.

"Jasper?" The young boy walked up to me swiftly and hugged me. He was taller for certain, but his charming features were the same.

"Sirrah, it's so good to see you. I was so worried when they sentenced you for the kiss. I knew you didn't deserve it." I pulled away from the embrace and tried to smile.

"Yes." It was all I could say. 'Yes it was good to see him. Yes I had deserved the kiss.'

"Come now," Narcissa said smiling, her perfect hostess smile. "Let's speak of happier things. Perhaps Sirrah is hungry?" She looked at me expectantly.

"Actually, I'm alright. Perhaps just some tea? My stomach is terribly riled up." She smiled.

"Of course, dear. Draco, would you mind showing Sirrah to the kitchen? Jasper darling I've been meaning to tell you, we need to get you fitted for more clothing. You've grown again." She led him off, a bit unwillingly. Lucius drifted off to another room, looking ghastly. Draco led me through the giant halls, and I looked around amazed at all the changes.

"It's magnificent, really." I said quietly.

"What?" He asked, looking around.

"The changes." Draco looked around happily. Not quite smiling, but happy.

"Yes. It was a lot due to Harry and Hermione. Mother and Father didn't like it. Father downright hated it, but they wanted to change. They didn't want to be Voldemort's followers anymore. I told them this was how to do it."

"It's good." I said. He snorted.

"Maybe not good, but it's not bad. Harry said he would be dropping by tonight after he took Hermione out. We're going to have a meeting." My blood pressure spiked at the word meeting. His eyes widened.

"No, not like that. Sorry, I know how hard it can be to even hear certain words. He comes a couple times a week and we talk about… things." I waited for him to continue. "You know, things that might bother you, whatever's on your mind, really. There's no agenda, nobody responds to what you say or tries to give you advice. You just say what you need to."

"And if I don't need to say anything?" He smiled sadly.

"I wish we didn't need to say anything." He continued towards the kitchen and I marveled at how different he was. I remembered Potter and his rivalry at school, but I didn't remember him well from our time as Death Eater's. It was amazing really that he and Potter had become friends. I wondered how they had managed it. I remembered Draco as confrontational and ignorant, but now I saw an adult who had learned his place in the world and was happy with it. He was content. We arrived at the kitchen and I looked around confused.

"It's full sized. I seem to remember there being house elves here." He nodded.

"One of Hermione's conditions. No house elves."

"How did that go over?" He shook his head.

"Not well."

"I like it. I've always wanted to learn how to cook." Draco looked bemused. He started staring out the window and seemed to sink into a deep state of thinking.

"Hmm." He answered, already off in his own little world. I left him to it. I grabbed a teapot and put some water on the stove. When I had been on the run for two years after the war I had rarely used magic. It felt wrong. It felt like Voldemort still owned my magic. I had actually considered breaking my wand, or throwing it away, but in the end I hadn't. My magic was too much a part of me. Now I didn't know how I felt about my magic. I had used it to kill Dolohov. I didn't really want to think about that right now.

The water started to boil and I took it off the stove. I turned to Draco who seemed to still be thinking.

"Where are your mugs?" I asked, trying not to disturb him too much.

"Accio mug." He said absentmindedly. A mug flew to his hand and he tossed it to me. I caught it deftly and poured the water into it. I grunted when I realized I forgot the tea bag. I glanced back at Draco and decided to just go find a tea bag. I rifled through a large pantry and finally managed to produce a tin of green tea leaves. I poured some into my cup and sat down at a table facing a window. Outside the sun was setting over the trees and I watched it contentedly. Draco sat down with me, though he hardly seemed to notice the glorious sunset. I sipped my tea and relaxed into the wooden chair. I thought I might fall asleep. Sometime later Jasper came and joined us.

He didn't say anything, he never had been much for talking. The first time I met Jasper we were still children. Not even at Hogwarts yet. He was probably six and I was eight. I remembered his shiny hair and his amusing freckles. He had been a very quiet child and hadn't laughed much. As we had grown together we hadn't seen each other much, but I always felt very protective of him. When Voldemort came back we both dropped out of school, but he somehow managed to avoid joining the Death Eaters until the end. I was glad he had. I don't think he would have been able to live through it without going mad. Not many of us had.

For some it was the endless violence. Voldemort demanded Muggle and Magical blood alike. Sometimes I thought maybe he just added the part about purebloods being the only real wizards just to mess with us. It was horrid. For others it was his treatment of us. He liked to play games with out minds. He knew what made us scared and what made us happy. He twisted them until we couldn't tell which was which anymore. The world sometimes felt upside down.

Harry arrived in through the door maybe an hour later. He looked like he was still riding his high from finding out about his child. When he saw the somber mood we were all in he sobered.

"Hello mates." He said. We all said 'hello', although they sounded rather meager. He sat down with us. "We're planning on starting the meeting in about a quarter hour. Is that alright?" We all nodded. He got up and made himself some tea. He didn't seem to know what to say, so he didn't say anything. When a quarter hour has passed Draco got up and I followed his lead. He led us to the great room, where a fire was roaring and everyone else was sitting around. The Avery's looked a little worse for wear, but they were there. And not dead, or imprisoned.

I sat down in a chair and Jasper sat down beside me. Everyone looked at each other expectantly and Harry seemed to realize he needed to open the conversation.

"Well all, I'm glad to introduce the newest member of our program, Sirrah Safiq." Madeleine Avery (originally Madeleine Gaunt) sighed. Her hair was grayer than I remembered and she held her husbands hand tightly in her hand. Her blue eyes opened wide and her lips trembled fraily.

"Why would you bring her here?" Her voice warbled on an uncomfortably high note. "She was practically Voldemort's daughter." I almost hissed at her. "I don't feel safe!" She stated shrilly. She moved to get up, but her husband held her to the couch. He whispered something in her ear and she seemed to calm down.

"Well would anyone like to open us?" Harry asked, seemingly unfazed by Mrs. Avery's outburst. Perhaps it was commonplace. All heads turned to Draco. It seemed he would be opening us.

"My week has been very busy." He started slowly. His voice was calming and I watched the fire, maybe trying to hypnotize myself. "This program hasn't been the easiest thing to set up or to maintain. With the addition of a new member things are only going to get more hectic. But, as I've been saying for a while, this group needs new blood. We aren't changing. Yes, I am frustrated with this group, but I'm mostly frustrated with myself. For some reason I thought this was going to be an easy transition. Like we could flip a switch and forget about decades of prejudice and hatred. Not only is it hard for us to change, it's hard for the world to change. It might not matter how hard we try. They may never see us as more than Death Eaters." I could hear the deflation in his voice. This wasn't a carefully planned speech to inspire us to try harder. This was truly what he thought. It was disheartening that the man who had stared this program didn't even think we could succeed. Ellen raised her hand next. She was sitting on a stool and she was swinging her long legs back and forth. Her hair hung around in her head in an iridescent halo.

"I've had a bit of a rough week. I've been thinking a lot about death again. My death, the death I've witnessed, especially Mary's death." I didn't know Mary, but I'm sure I would find out later. Ellen didn't seem like the kind of person who kept secrets. "I've just been thinking about it a lot, and how I have a lot of horror imprinted on my brain, but there isn't a lot of guilt. And I feel guilty that I don't feel guilt, which is very confusing. I killed a lot of people. I don't even remember how many. I don't remember their faces or their screams. It's horrid and heartless and I feel like I can't really start to reconcile myself, or anything I've done until I truly start to feel guilt for my actions.

"I feel guilt is necessary because he never felt it. If I'm going to be different then him and I'm going to truly change, I need guilt." Ellen didn't look disturbed. She looked calm. That seemed to be the problem for most of us. We were calm. Years of horror had made us numb. We didn't feel the usual emotions linked to horrendous things, and it made us feel less human now that we were trying to be normal. I felt similar feelings of non-guilt just as Ellen did. Marvin Avery spoke next.

"I've been having nightmares again. This time Voldemort came back to kill me." It was all he said. Perhaps that's all he felt he needed to say, or perhaps it was all that he could manage to say. The invisible eyes seemed to shift to me. It was my turn.

"While I was in Azkaban I thought a lot about my parents. I've been trying to avoid thinking about them because it brings back a lot of unwanted memories, but I've been seeing more and more that if I suppress the memories, they come back with more force. I didn't go crazy in Azkaban, but the one thing that _drove_ me crazy was not being able to remember the first time I saw Voldemort. I finally remembered about a week ago. It was almost worse remembering. I actually met him when he was living on Quirrel." I barely suppressed a shiver. "I was in my second year at Hogwarts and I remember seeing him. It scared me half to death, and then when I told my parents they told me it was the man I was supposed to worship. It's one of my worst memories." I felt like there was more, but I wasn't ready to share. It was hard enough, talking about things that had happened almost a decade ago. I didn't feel I could talk about the things that had happened only three years ago.

Mrs. Avery went next and she talked about her gas. I almost felt bad for her. Voldemort had treated her horribly. He had almost treated her like a poodle or an unwanted pet. He had jerked at her, making her our amusement. It must have been awful for her. I couldn't blame her for talking about her gas. Lucius Malfoy declined to go and Narcissa talked only briefly about some night terrors she had been having. Jasper went last. Before he went he took a deep shuddering breath. He looked at me and then looked away. I wanted to smile, but my face was stuck in the same idiot expression it always was.

"I've been having some trouble with my animal form lately. I think all of you know this except Sirrah, but the reason I didn't become a Death Eater sooner is because Voldemort wanted to wait until I was a registered Animagi. He needed it," He gulped. "For one of his plans." His voice wavered on 'plans'. "I've been having trouble changing into my bear form without having panic or anxiety attacks." He swallowed whatever he was going to say next and looked away. When he didn't say anything for a while Harry ended the meeting.

"Well, I'm glad you all were able to get that off your chest's. See you same place, same time, in three days." He flashed us a quick smile and got up to go. Draco caught him on his way out the door and they talked in hushed tones as everyone else made their way slowly to the kitchen. Jasper and I stayed by the fire. I hadn't known he was an Animagus. I wasn't surprised though. At least about Voldemort forcing him into it. In fact, that was the least surprising part. Every Death Eater – sorry, _reformed_ Death Eater – had a similar story. I put a gentle hand on his shoulder and he tensed. I didn't say anything because I knew it wouldn't help. Sometimes you needed actions, not words. I started walking to the kitchen before Narcissa intercepted me.

"You must want a bath," She said softly. "I know Azkaban can be less than pleasant." A hand went to my hair. I probably looked like Bellatrix. One shower a day was hardly enough to wash away the grime that came with Azkaban.

"That would be lovely." I said. She led me into the foyer and up the staircase. I passed Draco and Harry and I watched them. Harry seemed to be very upset about something. I wrenched my gaze away as Narcissa started talking. I didn't catch much of what she said. It was mostly about her hair.

The upstairs was rather a glorified hallway. Two double doors right at the top of the stairs led into the master suite. The hallway went left and right. Narcissa led me all the way to the end of the right hall. A giant, floor to ceiling window let light from the moon, shine in. She waved her wand in front of the door and a plaque with my name on it appeared.

"There is a bathtub inside." She said bowing. "If you need anything you can ring. There is a set of bells in your room that I will hear at all times."

"Thank you." I said smiling. "You've been exceedingly kind."

"Anything for you darling." I flinched a little at 'darling' but she didn't notice. I went into the room and went to the bathroom. Indeed there was a little bathtub, but no pipes.

"Aguamenti." I said, flicking my wand at the tub. Water spouted out of my wand and I waited patiently as it filled the tub. When I stepped in, it was warm-ish. Not boiling, like I liked it, but still warm. I reached for the bar of soap Narcissa had left for me and started scrubbing. My hair was really knotted. Thankfully my hair was only wavy, not curly like Bellatrix's. I washed it until I could run my fingers through it. My hair also wasn't as long. It was a little past my shoulders and a dark mud color. When I felt sufficiently clean I stepped out of the tub. There was a drain in the tub, so I let the water out. I grabbed a plush towel and wrapped myself in it. I went out into the room and walked to the wardrobe.

Inside there were several cloaks, but when I looked at them closer I saw that they were Bellatrix's. I shut the wardrobe loudly and walked to the bed. I guess I was sleeping in a towel. There was a soft knock on my door, sometime later.

"Yes?" I asked.

"It's Draco. Mother told me she forgot to take out Bellatrix's robes from the wardrobe. I'll leave a pile of clothes out here, if that's alright?"

"That's fine." I said. I heard him walk away and I climbed out of the bed. I went to the door and opened it. I looked both ways and then grabbed the robes. I pulled the nightgown on top over my head and put the rest at the foot of my bed. When I climbed into bed I fell to sleep instantly.

 **A/N:** I would love to know what people think - please review!


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or anything you recognize.

Chapter 4: Changes

I woke drenched in sweat. My arm was tingling. The Dark Mark was moving. I nearly screamed. My heart was pounding so fast I couldn't breathe. I scrambled for my wand, resting under my pillow in its usual place.

"Lumos." I whispered. When I could see I looked at the Mark. It _was_ moving. I swore it was. I stared at it until my eyes hurt. I looked outside and regardless of the time I knew I wouldn't be going back to sleep anytime soon. I stood up and shivered as the cold traveled up my legs. I went to the pile of clothes and realized there were much more than robes. Narcissa had supplied me with a closet of clothing – muggle and wizard alike. I pulled a gray robe off the top that looked a little monk-ish and pulled it on. It was big, but comfortable. I twisted my hair up onto my head and stuck a straw hat on top. I grabbed a shimmering, navy, blue cloak and fastened it on my shoulders. I didn't put shoes on.

I went out my door and down the hallway. When I reached the stairs I rested on the velvet carpet, a moment longer than completely necessary. I walked out the big, mahogany doors and closed them softly behind me. It smelled so good outside. It smelled like flowers, and rain, and honey. It smelled fresh and it smelled alive. The sun was just rising to my left. I walked out into the gardens smelling every flower I came across. When I got the end of the garden I walked into a field. Beyond the field there was a forest, and beyond that I wasn't sure. I lay down in the field and looked up at the receding stars. I just wanted to watch the sunrise.

The sun inched up slowly until suddenly, it was there. The moment between partial light and full light was forgotten as the sun climbed ever higher in the sky. I was bathed in a warm glow and the sun that I had not seen in two months welcomed me home.

"I come out here every day." A voice behind me. Narcissa had a wrap around her arms, and her hair was swept up onto her head. Even though she had just woken up, she still looked stunning. It was amazing to me how Narcissa always managed to look beautiful, despite the heavy burden on her shoulders. Her tell-tale white streak of hair was no longer such a stark contrast to her graying hair, and her light blue eyes were no longer so bright, but she still painted a fierce picture against the backdrop of Malfoy Manor.

"It's beautiful." I murmured.

"Very." She said softly. I stood up and turned back to the Manor. "Thank you for the clothes." I said. She nodded, but she wasn't really paying attention to me anymore. I went back up to the house and entered in through the back door that led into the kitchen. I needed tea. The migraine I had been feeling yesterday was back in full force today. Draco was sitting in the kitchen, looking extremely alert. He looked as if he hadn't even slept. Perhaps he just didn't have a sleepy state, maybe he was always alert. He was sipping a cup of tea and reading the Daily Prophet.

"What's happened today?" I asked gesturing at the paper. He looked up.

"You." I groaned inwardly.

"The retrial – and especially Potter speaking up for you – is very big news. Unfortunately not everyone is very happy about." I grabbed the same mug I had yesterday and poured the still warm water from the kettle into it.

"I think we can safely say, almost no one is happy about it. Avery was right. I was practically Voldemort's daughter. I did horrid things for him. I did anything he asked." Draco looked at me sadly.

"Just because he liked you better, doesn't mean that you are worse or more evil than us." I looked at him and laughed mirthlessly.

"Doesn't it just? Why would he like me, unless it was because he saw that I was like him? We all know he despised the weak, and the kind. He despised the brave. He despised the honorable. What's left? Me." I wasn't angry. I wasn't even upset really. It was just how it was. I was evil, and that was why Voldemort had made me his right hand man. But I was trying to be better. I was trying to see if maybe I could transcend the evilness that was inherent in me – the evilness Voldemort had seen. I made my tea in relative silence.

"Do you know the story of how I joined the Death Eaters?" Draco asked quietly.

"No." I said. But I could guess. Probably coercion just like half of the other 'faithful' followers. Death Eaters had either been like Bellatrix – insane – or like Jasper – without a choice.

"My Father had been pressuring me to, for ages. He was telling me that I would move through the ranks quicker if I volunteered. He wanted me to have power. Power he couldn't ever have. Voldemort thought my father was weak. If I could prove to Voldemort that I wasn't like my father then maybe I would join his inner circle.

"Then you dropped out of school my fourth year." I was surprised that I came into this story. "You quickly became Voldemort's favorite. My Father was livid. He said I needed to do something that would really get Voldemort's attention. Everything my father said was about getting better than you. I hated you. Not you specifically, but the fact that my father held me to your standard. I was so angry that you were his favorite. Why you? What was so special about you? Finally, I did join the Death Eaters voluntarily." I was surprised. "I wanted to kill you. Then Voldemort ordered I kill Dumbledore. Suddenly I realized how stupid I had been.

"Now I had to kill Dumbledore just because I had been stupid enough to take my father's bate. And then I met you." I didn't remember meeting Draco while we were Death Eaters, but then again I had been trying to block my mind of all things Voldemort-related. "You were cold. I baited you. I insulted you. I even tried to cast the Cruciartus curse on you. You deflected it like it was a simple spitball. And you didn't care. You might as well have been dead. You just walked away from me. The object of my hatred and you were nothing but a hollow shell. It almost made me laugh.

"And then the time to kill Dumbledore came and I knew I couldn't do it. I knew I didn't want to be like you. I didn't want to turn into a mindless shell who did whatever Voldemort wanted. So, I didn't do it. And then after that I continually thought about getting out. And in the end I did get out. But not until the end. It was too terrifying."

"In the end you chose the right side though." I said. "You didn't participate in the Battle of Hogwarts." He sighed.

"And because you did that makes you a horrible person?"

"No, but I am a horrible person."

"I won't deny that you were a horrible person, but you are trying to be better. Doesn't that count for anything?"

"I could spend an eternity of lifetimes trying to atone for my sins, and never pay them." I said quietly.

"So what are you going to do about it?" Draco asked.

"I want to help." I said quietly. "Even if it's for selfish reasons I want to try and repay the debt."

"That's where you're going to kill yourself. This isn't a debt that can be paid. This is the kind you have to live with."

"I have to repay the debt. How can I ever forgive myself if I don't? I can't." He shook his head.

"If you think it enough times, you might actually believe it."

"I already do." I sat down, exhausted, beside him. Neither of us were angry. Just so tired. He continued to sip his tea.

"Do ever wonder what it would be like if we lived in a world without Voldemort?" I asked.

"We do." He said quietly. I shook my head.

"He might be dead, but he is still _here_." He sighed.

"Of course I wonder. Every night before I go to bed I try and imagine my life without him. I build it. I grow up in a household where my parents love me. I go to school and I'm sorted into Hufflepuff. I am best friends with Harry Potter. I grow up and I become a healer. Of course I dream! How could I not? But, it never makes me feel better. I just open my eyes and feel emptier than I did before. You can't create dreams for yourself in the past. You can only create dreams for yourself in the future."

"So, what is it? Your dream for the future." I asked.

"I'm still building it." I thought about that. I could build a dream. We sat in deep silence for what felt like eternity. I thought about it. Truly thought about it. What did I want? I knew I wanted to help people. How could I do that? I could be a healer, but that didn't really seem like it was for me. I was good at hurting people, not at healing people. What else could I do? I could help muggles. But, somehow I didn't see that as being a good option. I could work with children. Children wouldn't hate me right away. They didn't have prejudices. They would be able to see for themselves if I good or evil. But, then when they found out about me, they would hate me. It seemed this would be harder than I thought.

"So what do you all do around here?" I asked. Draco almost laughed.

"Well this isn't the kind of program where we teach each other spells and potions if that's what you mean. Mostly we talk. We talk about what happened. We talk about what will happen. We have two professors come in once a week to give us a lecture. It was one of the Ministry's requirements. One professor speaks on Muggle's and the other speaks on Wizard History. It's really very interesting. The rest of the time is really yours to do with what you wish."

"Can we leave the grounds of Malfoy Manor?" I asked.

"Yes, but you can't have your wand, and I either have to be with you or Harry does."

"Then, would you mind taking me somewhere today?" He nodded.

"I need to get out of the house. And honestly if they call me into the office one more time this month I _will_ hex someone. I'm only supposed to come in five times a month and I've already been in eight times." He shook his head. "I hate working for the Ministry." He shook his head and then looked up at me. "So, where would you like to go?"

"Somewhere new. Somewhere people don't know me." I said. He nodded.

"I know a place. Do you mind side-along apparition?" I shook my head.

"Alright pack a bag. This isn't the kind of place we can only spend one day. Let me see if the other's want to come." He took his wand out and seemed to send some sort of spell out towards the living room.

"It alerts them I want a meeting." I followed him into the living room and already Jasper and Ellen had entered. The others followed slowly. When everyone had gathered Draco addressed them all.

"Sirrah was feeling the need for some fresh air and so was I. We are going to go on a trip to a… surprise destination. Would any of you like to join us? Harry will be in charge while we are gone."

"I'll come." Jasper said softly.

"I as well." Ellen said. Mrs. Avery shook her head.

"Certainly not." Mr. Avery seemed to be with Mrs. Avery.

"We will look after the house while you are gone." Narcissa said patting Lucius' hand. Draco nodded.

"It's settled then. Jasper, Ellen, Sirrah, pack a bag. Be ready for anything." My heart jumped a little in my chest. It was almost exciting.

 **A/N:** Please review! I will be eternally indebted to you... Or maybe I'll just return the favor.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or anything you recognize. I don't even really own the stuff you don't recognize.

 **AN:** Hello! I'm not sure if anyone's noticed, in fact I would be really impressed if anyone has noticed, but all my chapter titles are also song titles. (More things I do not own) You should check em out. At least three are Matt Ulery songs. This chapter is one of my favorites. There's lots of talking and some backstory. So the place their going, which I won't name, I actually really want to go to. I tried to make it pretty accurate and authentic. Basically I tried to do it justice. Anyway, please enjoy! I'll ask you to review later:)

Chapter 5: By a Little Light

We went up to our rooms and I found a bag in my room waiting. This house was strange. If I hadn't known better I would have sworn little house elves were running around. The bag was small. About the size of a purse, but when I opened it I saw that it was much bigger on the inside. Brilliant. I packed a couple pairs of shorts and t-shirts and a windbreaker. I put a pair of pants in wondering what he meant by 'be ready for anything'. I put some robes and a dress in, just unsure about what I would need. I put on a pair of forest-green shorts and a white t-shirt that seemed like it had belonged to someone a lot larger than me. I wondered whos clothes these were. I put a light sweater on in case it was cold. I kept the straw hat on. I didn't have any shoes so I just went barefoot.

Draco came out of his room almost at the same time as me. Seeing him in muggle clothes was disconcerting to say the least. He wore cargo shorts and a thin white t-shirt. A pair of sunglasses were tucked onto his shirt. He reached into his bag.

"Mother gave me a few things for you. Though you might need them." He pulled out a pair of sunglasses, boots, and a bottle of… something. He tossed them to me and I put them in the bag.

"What is this?" I asked holding up the tube. He laughed.

"Sunscreen."

"I've never heard of it." I said bemused.

"You'll probably need it. Your skin hasn't seen direct sunlight since before Azkaban." I nodded. That was true, but I wasn't sure how sunscreen was going to help. Sun-screen. A screen from the sun? How? Was it a sort of charm or perhaps a potion?

"How does it work?" I asked.

"You just apply it to your skin." He said.

"Oh." Jasper came out of his room wearing a button down shirt with flowers on it, and shorts with stripes. It was very colorful. Ellen came out of her room looking like Aphrodite. She wore a light blue tank top and white shorts. Her hair was tucked under a pretty blue sun hat. I felt like a mutt next to her and Draco. It was stupid, I knew, but I couldn't help be jealous of their ease. It had never been easy for me.

I fell into step with Jasper and he put a hand on my shoulder as if he knew what I was thinking. It hadn't been easy for him either. I ruffled his hair as he was putting his floppy hat on.

"What is that?" I asked looking at the slightly deflated hat. He shrugged.

"Aunt Andromeda gave it to me. Said she got it at a muggle store." I looked at it perturbed. Perhaps I wasn't ready for this. I didn't feel ready for anything. I really just wanted to sit in a dark room and think about the past – but I knew that wouldn't get me anywhere. Draco took us outside of the Manor into the garden. It was a bit cold outside for our dress. Draco looked at me feet.

"You might want to put boots on before we go." He said.

"Okay." I took them out of the bag and slipped them on.

"Everyone left their wands in the Manor right?" He asked. I nodded as did Jasper and Ellen. "Okay good. Even if you didn't the wards won't let you take your wands. I hope you all like side-along apparition."

"I hate side-along apparition," Jasper muttered. I squeezed his hand and he gave me a small smile. Draco took our arms and we disapparated with a pop. We arrived in what seemed like the middle of nowhere. I had never seen so much open space. In fact, I had never been out of England. I had never realized, how large the world was. A cool wind whipped through grass plain we were standing on. The sun was bright above us.

"Where are we?" I asked. Draco smiled. Maybe for the first time, I felt like he even half meant his smile.

"Tibet." He started walking and we followed.

"Tibet?" Ellen asked curious. She walked behind Draco and in front of me.

"It's a region of China. Extremely mountainous, but the plains can get hot." He was right about that. I felt hot. It was exhilarating. For the first time since Azkaban I didn't feel cold.

"Where are we going?" Jasper asked.

"It's a surprise." Draco said.

"I though Tibet was the surprise." Jasper said.

"Not quite." Draco said smirking. My heart was thudding against my ribcage before we had even been walking for half an hour. I had been in Azkaban for several months. I could see mountains in the distance and the clouds looked like an ocean. I was sweating too. It felt odd, but good. Even Ellen looked a little out of breath.

"Remember to drink water." Draco said.

"Okay Mother." Jasper said, but there was a playful lilt in his voice. He wasn't angry. Draco punched him playfully. Then he put an arm around his neck and rubbed his head until his hair was a mess. Jasper pretended to be put out.

"You've got to be joking me! Do you know how hard it is to get this hair to look even half normal?" Draco sneered.

"Of course I forgot. Not everyone rolls out of bed looking perfect." It was Ellen's turn to punch his arm.

"I've seen you in the morning, and not that fake act you put on in the kitchen. You're just as ugly as the rest of us in the morning." She rolled her eyes. Jasper rolled his eyes in turn. "I'm the only one here who rolls out of bed looking perfect.

I actually laughed. They looked at me surprised.

"What?" I asked. They all shrugged. I went back to listening to their banter, and they went back to their… bantering. It was nice, being part of something, but not having to actually participate in it. The sun started to set and I slowed my pace a bit, so I could walk alone. I watched the sunset in awe. I don't think I had ever seen anything so beautiful. Ellen was the first to notice. Instead of saying anything she dropped back with me.

"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky." I looked at her questioningly.

"Rabindandrath Tagore." She said. "It's true though isn't it?"

"I hope." I said quietly. I felt as if I had, had my fill of storms and rain.

"You look very sad," She said, almost a whisper. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" Ellen seemed nice. A little aloof, and odd, but nice. She must have had a hard time during the war because she was beautiful. Voldemort treated those who were beautiful with a certain cruelty. I'm sure she didn't hold on to her secrets. I could tell she had let them go. She had realized it would be easier to bare the burden with others. I had realized it, I was just too scared. Ellen was courageous. I was not.

"No," I shook my head. "Simply contemplating." She smiled sadly.

"Beautiful things always remind me of my sister Mary. If you think I'm beautiful, you would have been astounded by her beauty. She could take a whole room's breath away. She glowed from within because her heart was pure. If the war taught me one thing, it's that it doesn't matter if your blood is pure, only if your heart is pure. She had a smile for everyone. She could make me laugh even if I was in the midst of crying. I loved her more than anyone on this earth.

"When Voldemort returned we were in our seventh year. If I didn't join, he told me he would kill Mary. What I didn't know was that he told her that if she didn't join he would kill me. So we both joined keeping our secrets. In the end the secrets killed us. I thought she had joined of her own free will, even though deep down in my heart I knew it couldn't be true, and she thought the same of me. One day I decided I just had to get out. Voldemort terrorized us both to no end. It was sport to him. He thought it was so funny to make something beautiful, ugly, and something ugly, beautiful. I devised a plan to get both of us out because I knew if I tried to leave he would kill Mary. But, I thought she _wanted_ to be with the Death Eaters. So I devised a potion that would fake her death and I would be able to get us both out, take us somewhere far away and beg her not to go back." She paused, thinking about something.

"It was so stupid really, how something so simple killed her. When I was giving her the potion while she slept I poured it in too quickly. She choked to death in her sleep. It was so stupid." She said again. It was stupid. It was infuriating. She looked back at me. "Are you sure there's nothing you want to talk about? It might make you feel better." I looked at her sadly and shook my head. She smiled a little and went back to walking ahead of me. By that time the sun had set.

"Are we there yet?" Jasper asked. Draco just smiled. He seemed different here. It made me extremely curious of where we were going. What could make someone with as much dark baggage as Draco, smile? If it could make him smile, could it make me smile?

I started to think about my dream again. It was blurry, but I saw happiness and people. They welcomed me and accepted me. They were all loyal to a fault. We protected each other. We got together on Friday's for dinner every week. I cooked dessert and made tea. I shook my head. I couldn't live in my dreams. Dreams were no good if I traded them in for the real thing. I was with people now, I should try harder. I walked closer to Jasper and tapped his shoulder. He looked over at me and his floppy hat hid his eyes.

"Tell me about yourself, Jasper." He looked at me with an unreadable expression.

"What do you want to know?"

"Anything. Everything." I sighed. "I just want facts, everything I can get. Sincerity. Authenticity. Reality."

"Is this really about me?" He asked raising an eyebrow. I sighed.

"I feel so naïve and so old at the same time. When I was a Death Eater I was a child physically but an adult mentally. I was Voldemort's right hand, what kind of childhood is that? I made decisions no child should have to make. Now I'm here. I feel like a child again, groping for information. I feel as if I've lost all the years that I gave to Voldemort. I'm a ignorant child again." Jasper smirked.

"So I guess you did want to talk." I shook my head.

"No, I want you to talk. I want to listen." He shrugged.

"Okay, but I'll warn you, I'm not Ellen. Don't expect me to lay my whole history at your feet." I nodded.

"I understand." He exhaled loudly.

"Where do I even begin?"

"Tell me about Hogwarts." I said softly. He smiled. It was a soft smile.

"I was sorted into Slytherin. No surprise there. You were Ravenclaw?" I nodded. "Well it wasn't all bad. Slytherin are cunning yes, but that isn't all bad. We were smart, but we were also discreet. We knew when to show that we were smart, and when to act like we were stupid. We were brave and loyal too. We held all the traits that the other houses did, we just knew when to hide them. It was fun. My best friend was Abitha. She was a genius, but she pretended to be crazy. I could see right through her act. When I asked her why she did, she told me it was for protection. I didn't understand it until Voldemort came back." He didn't expound. "My first year she was the only thing that got me through potions. She knew things sure, but it wasn't that she that she had memorized the textbook, she _knew._ The way you know the Dark Arts." I flinched. "The way I know how to be a bear." It was his turn to flinch.

"She was beautiful too." I raised my eyebrow. He shook his head. "No, not like that. She was…. Kind. She could have been any house she wanted. I think she knew she had to join Slytherin though, to hide. In Gryffindor everyone would have pushed her to be braver. In Ravenclaw they would have exploited her genius. In Hufflepuff they would have been trying to pry into her all the time. In Slytherin people just left each other alone. It was nice. A right haven for introverts.

"Eventually they pried though." He said bitterly. "In fourth year I took potions with her and by now people had started to realize that she wasn't the idiot she pretended to be." He shook his head angrily. "It took them long enough. One day we were walking out by the forest. These Gryffindor thugs snuck up on us. So brave." He said spitefully. "They beat her senseless. They figured she was faking. They thought if they beat her enough she would just give up the act and start to duel them. She didn't. She just kept saying 'please'. Eventually they started to realize she wasn't acting. I mean she was acting, but she wasn't going to give up the act for them. They just left her there lying on the cold ground. They were restraining me. When they let me go I carried her all the way to the infirmary." He stopped there. He looked up. "She's still alive." He said, as if it was imperative that I know this. He continued after a second.

"Okay I shared, your turn. I talked about my best friend, talk about yours." His voice was brittle.

"What best friend?" I asked. He didn't laugh. "I'm kidding. She was a muggle. Before Hogwarts. We lived out in the countryside. She was a year older than me. She had red hair. Redder than the Weaseley's. Her name was Alice. We would go out in the forest and find apples. We swam in the creek and caught butterflies. We had to hide our friendship from my parents. After I went to Hogwarts I never saw her again. When I came back for Christmas's her parents told me she had gone to boarding school. That's the end of the story." He almost laughed. It was kind of strangled.

"You're telling me you survived almost seven full years of Hogwarts, _alone?_ There is no way." I shrugged.

"You were there. Did you ever see me with anyone?" He seemed to think for a second. He shook his head.

"How? I mean I barely survived with just Abitha."

"It's hard to make friends when you're a Ravenclaw, who everyone thinks should really be a Slytherin."

"No boyfriend?" He asked cheekily. I gave him a scathing look, that I hoped made him feel even a little chagrined. He didn't look it. My next words came out more bitter than I wanted them to.

"Boys aren't exactly lining up to date a girl who knew from the time she could talk that she would be a Death Eater. When you're sitting in the Ravenclaw common room studying the book of Dark Magic that your Father sent you for Christmas people tend to stay away from you. Besides what makes you think I ever wanted a boyfriend? Do I look like the kind of person who would sign up for a relationship that would probably last the span of a fruit flies life? I hate drama and everyone knows that relationships at Hogwarts are for the drama, not for love, or even for like." He held up his hands.

"Sorry to ask." I sighed.

"No, I'm sorry." I rubbed the bridge of my nose. "To answer your question, I never had a boyfriend." He smiled sadly. Draco halted about a hundred feet in front of us. Ellen was right behind him.

"We're here!" He proclaimed. Jasper looked at him, unamused.

"We are still in the middle of nowhere." Draco rolled his eyes.

"You can't see it. Wards. You think I would take you to a place just anybody could see?" Jasper frowned.

"Yeah, I actually did." Draco shook his head.

"Apparere." Draco whispered under his breath and the air in front of us started to shimmer. Things started to appear. At first I couldn't make them out, but soon they turned into tents and people. Soon a whole village had appeared before us. It was very large. People swarmed around in groups. The village was probably the most disorganized, yet beautiful thing I had ever seen. There were tents and houses and carts and people. There were so many people. They were all wearing different colors and carrying their wands like they were things to be proud of. Jewelry adorned every man, woman and child. Hair was every color of the rainbow. The village seemed to stretch on and on. This seemingly empty plain had turned into a whole new world.

 **AN:** As promised... please review!


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or anything else.

Chapter 6: New Worlds

I felt like a pigeon among peacocks. People noticed us and said 'hello', but they didn't look at us like we were odd. To them, we belonged here. Draco led us forward, grinning. My head was on a swivel trying to take in everything all at the same time. A metamorphagus passed me. She had bright orange hair and rabbit ears. On my other side a wizard wearing shimmering green robes passed me. It was exhilarating and frightening all at the same time.

Draco led us to a tent that was a deep forest green. He held the flap open and let us in. Ellen skipped in smiling. Jasper followed looking a little overwhelmed. I went in and smiled tentatively at Draco. He smiled back, encouraging me. When I entered I found a modestly furnished tent the size of a small house. The 'downstairs' was complete with a kitchen, sitting room, informal dining room, and a bedroom. A ladder led up to a second bedroom and another sitting room. The second floor seemed to be suspended in mid air. Ellen grabbed my hand and dragged my up to the second floor.

"I claim this land for the girls!" She said smiling. Jasper sighed and fell on a couch.

"Seriously?" He asked. Ellen smiled and fell onto the bed. Draco went straight into the kitchen and started making a list on a peace of parchment paper. I dropped my bag on the floor and walked down to meet him.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Grocery list." Suddenly I was excited.

"We're going to get food from out there?" I asked.

"Yeah." I smiled.

"What kind of food is there?" He looked up smiling.

"Every kind."

"In Azkaban all we had was bread and soup that I swear they made with the water we bathed in." Draco smiled sadly. It was the kind of joke that was more truth than joke. It was the kind people felt bad about laughing at. "Can I help you get it?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Sure." He said. He called Jasper and Ellen over and they came over.

"I've put tracking spells on all of you. Don't be offended, it's protocol. You're still on probation. Ellen, Jasper, you can go look around if you want. Sirrah is going to go grocery shopping with me. If you get lost just tell people you're tent is near the castle."

"What castle?" Ellen asked.

"That's what they call the tent next to ours. The owner is Ruta Melanie, the former head of the Department of International Magical Cooperation. She got the highest marks on her Charms O.W.L since who knows when. She was able to charm her tent to the size of Malfoy Manor."

"That's amazing!" Ellen said. "Can we see it?" She asked.

"It's open to the public." Malfoy said shrugging. "And when I say public, I mean the few people who actually know about this place."

"What _is_ this place?" Jasper asked, plopping back onto the couch. Draco shrugged again.

"It doesn't have a name. It started out as a magical village of Tibetans. People started traveling here for a safe haven from China and Vietnam, and then during the war a lot of people from Ireland came here. Lately a lot of Russian's have been coming. I found it by chance. I've only met a few other people from England here."

"How are we going to understand them?" Ellen asked.

"There is a language charm over the whole area. You can speak your own language and everyone will understand you."

"Neat!" Ellen exclaimed. "Come on Jasper, I want to go buy clothes. I feel underdressed!" Jasper groaned. "I'll pick up some clothes for you Sirrah." She said definitevily. I guess I was getting clothes. "Oh, I'll get some for everybody!" Ellen said happily.

"You have money?" I asked.

"I never go anywhere without my Father's treasure trove she said patting her bag." Ellen skipped out of the tent, and Jasper kind of dragged himself. Draco continued making his list.

"Can you check the pantry?" He asked. "I can't remember if I ran out of pumpkin juice the last time I was here. That would be a true disaster."

"Where is it?" I asked. He pointed towards a red curtain that I thought had been covering a window. I pulled it aside and it led me into a walk in pantry. I looked at the immaculately organized pantry and searched for pumpkin juice. I found it on the top shelf. There were a couple of jars of pumpkin juice.

"There are three jars!" I yelled out.

"Are the jars red or orange?" He yelled back.

"I can't tell, I need some light!" I heard him cast a charm, and a light appeared above my head, bobbing slightly.

"They're red!" I shouted.

"Okay then we need regular pumpkin juice. That stuff is spiked." I raised my eyebrows, even though I knew he couldn't see me. I walked back out and found him rifling around in a large basket. He surface with his hair all strewn around. He ran a hand through it, to try and tame it. He produced a small tin.

"You have to try these." He said tossing me the tin. I popped the tin open. Immediately the smell of vanilla and cinnamon filled my nose. I could smell hints of lavender and lemon as well. I breathed in deeply. Inside tiny, intricate pastries rested on a bed of lavender. I picked one up and sniffed it. I could smell sharp cheese and lemon. I took a bite out of it and smiled. Which was hard to do, since I was chewing. The cake was made of barley and filled with soft cheese and lemon rind. There was a slight taste of lavender on it from the bed it had been lying on.

"What is this?" I said chewing the rest.

"It's a moon cake. I bought them at the Autumn Festival last year and have been saving them. They're a Tibetan cake filled with yogurt, cheese and walnuts. These one's were flavored."

"Could I have another one?" I asked. He nodded. I picked up one that smelled like raspberries and vanilla. I bit into it slowly. This one was filled with raspberry yogurt and flavored with vanilla. I handed him the tin and he picked one out. When he bit into it, he closed his eyes.

"What flavor?" I asked.

"Cinnamon roasted walnuts."

"Delicious." I said.

"Alright, let's go find some groceries." He said flourishing his list. He picked up the basket and I offered to carry it. It wasn't very large and I'm sure it was charmed to hold more than it should be able to. We walked out of the tent and the beauty of the stars blinded me. With no artificial lighting here the whole sky was practically comprised of stars. Fires burned in braziers that lined that marked walkways. We made it out of the tent sector and into the shopping sector. Carts and shops lined the sides of the 'street'. Draco seemed to know where we were going and led me along. The first vendor we stopped at was a meat vendor.

"Charmed to last for two weeks!" He proclaimed in a throaty voice. He was a large man with a round face. He looked Tibetan to me, but he might have been Chinese.

"We will take a pound of pork, and a pound of mutton, and a pound of yak."

"Large house?" The man chortled. Draco nodded. The man wrapped up the meat for us and Draco placed it in the basket. "That will be three hundred Renminbi." He said. "And no haggling." He said wagging a finger. "I already gave a discount because your friend looks so sad." He looked at me and gave me a large smile. I smiled back shyly. Draco took out thirty-five pounds.

"Cambire Pecu." He whispered quietly. The money changed to Rembini and he handed it to the man.

"Thank you for your business." The man said politely. The next vendor we stopped at was selling vegetables and fruit. She was an old, Russian woman wearing a blue robe and a white knit hat. She wore a wooden, carved horse around her neck.

"Fresh picked from the Himalayas!" She shouted.

"We'll take a pot of rice, and a bushel of oranges, lemons, and bananas."

"That will be seventy Rembini." She said politely. Draco began a heated exchange ending in us paying only fifty-five Rembini, and Draco fixing her daughters whistle. Next we went to an Irish vendor. He was relatively young, and he was selling potatoes and corn. He started a friendly conversation with me while Draco was picking out some corn. And when I mean he started a conversation with me, I mean he did all the talking.

"I grow the corn and potatoes myself on my farm home in Ireland. I come here to sell them to the Irish immigrants. Sometimes they just want a taste of home you know? Don't want to eat any more barley you know? That stuff gets all stuck in my teeth. I just need a potato once in a while. I love corn too. Can't get used to rice all the time. It's so un-Irish, you know?" I liked rice.

"I think I'm ready." Draco said. He had picked out a variety of potatoes and corn. The man weighed them.

"Twelve pounds."

"Mate." Draco said exasperatedly. "I already has an old Russian lady cheat me out of my money.

"That's imported!" The man exclaimed.

"Imported?" Draco said raising his eyebrows. All you have to do is apparate over here."

"That's hard work! I splinched myself once." Another debate began. I zoned out and watched two children wandering around the market. The girl was Tibetan and the boy was Russian. They were holding hands and carrying a basket. A woman turned to them from a meat vendor.

"Mummy!" They exclaimed. She hugged them, smiling. I smiled too. What a sweet family.

"Sirrah?" Draco asked shaking my shoulder.

"Sorry." I said turning back. He put the potatoes and corn in the basket. The basket got a little heavier, but hardly at all.

"Only one more stop." He said. "We can't live without tea and pumpkin juice."

"Of course not." The vendor said. "All these Tibetan's drink is water and butter tea!" We walked away from him, bemused. This time we went into a shop. Inside a blonde woman with blue eyes sat behind the counter.

"Fellow Brits!" She exclaimed. "I haven't seen my kind in ages!" Unlike the Irish man, she didn't say it as if she disliked seeing everyone else, just that she enjoyed seeing her kin. "What are your names dearies?" She asked.

"Draco Potter." Draco said smoothly.

"Sirrah Smith." I said following his lead. I wasn't sure why he had lied, but I assumed it was for a good reason.

"What will you all be needing today?"

"Pumpkin juice and tea, please." Draco said.

"Oh perfect! I recently received a shipment of green tea from my husband. He is hiking the Himalayas. He swears it cures any ailment! I'll throw some in for free."

"You are too kind." I said.

"Oh never dear. How much pumpkin juice dear?" She asked Draco.

"Two jars please and could we also have some yak butter tea?"

"Of course! It wouldn't be Tibet without some butter tea." She packaged two jars of pumpkin juice, one jar of butter tea and a box of green tea for us. Draco placed them into the basket carefully.

"That will be twenty pounds dear." She said. Draco handed over the money and bid goodbye to the woman. We walked back out into the night and once again I marveled at the sky. Although it was probably around midnight here it was only around six in the evening in England. I felt wide awake.

"Ready to head home?" He asked. "Is there anything you want to see?" I shook my head.

"I am pretty hungry though." We walked home in silence for a little bit, finally I asked him a question. I was dying to know.

"Why did you lie about your name?" I asked.

"Precaution." He replied. "Some of the people here immigrated during the war. Death Eater names will be fresh in their memory." I nodded.

"Why Potter?" I asked. He shrugged.

"Whenever I lie about my name I use the surname Potter. Why Smith?"

"My brother's surname." He looked confused. "My brother was a squib. My parents put him up for adoption in the muggle system. The family that adopted him is Smith."

"You've met him them?" He asked.

"Only three times." I said. I knew there was more I could say, but I didn't feel like talking about that now. It always made me sad.

"Sorry." Draco said sadly. I shrugged. There was no sense being sad about I now. I was actually glad my brother had been put up for adoption. Any life out there would have been better then the one my parents gave him. Squibs weren't exactly looked kindly on in pureblood families. Sometimes I wished that I had been the born a Squib. Then I would never have even known who Voldemort was.

 **A/N:** Please review!


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or anything else.

 **A/N:** Okay so for this chapter I wanted to talk about the title of the chapter a bit. "Stationary Cycle" is a song title (like I already said) but it's a song title from the soundtrack of the Secret Life of Walter Mitty - which if you haven't seen, you should watch. And if you should also listen to this song. I love it. Another thing you should check out - The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is actually based off a pretty cool poem. So, movie, song, poem. And don't forget to read and review this chapter!

Chapter 7: Stationary Cycle

We made it back to the tent in good time, but Ellen and Jasper weren't back yet. We set about unpacking our purchases. We worked in relative silence broken every once in a while when I didn't know where to put something. Ellen and Jasper burst back into the tent just as we were finishing up unpacking. Ellen was giddy with excitement and Jasper looked about as excited as a dead squirrel. Jasper was holding all of the bags of clothes while Ellen skipped to and fro.

"Oh you all are going to be the best dressed Wizards in Tibet!" She exclaimed. I was glad she was excited about it because none of us were. Draco looked like he might be sick, and Jasper looked like he actually was sick. I just found it hard to get excited about clothes. She took all of the clothes to the couch and started separating them into piles. Jasper claimed a headache and went to lie down in the bedroom. Ellen mumbled to herself contentedly while she unpacked the clothes.

"So what should we eat first?" Draco asked.

"I definitely want to have some butter tea." I said. He nodded.

"Yes, the Tibetans drink several cups a day. It's very good." He pulled his wand out of the waistband of his shorts. "Accio butter tea." He said. The jar came flying out of the pantry and he went about pouring cups for everyone.

I turned to face the kitchen and sighed. It was a very nice kitchen, very compact and tidy, but I didn't' know where anything was. There was a stovetop and an oven, but I didn't know where any of the dishes were. There were cabinets above and below the stovetop and I sighed. I turned away from the kitchen and went to the pantry. I started searching through the pantry to see what I could make for dinner. Or breakfast. It was almost one in the morning. I was ravished, and for some reason I really wanted meat. I pulled a slab of mutton out of the pantry and brought it back out to the kitchen.

"Draco, where are your pans?" I asked.

"Oh sorry, they're under the stovetop, on the right of the oven."

"Ah." I grunted while I reached under the stovetop. I found a pan large enough for the mutton and dropped it into it. I washed my hands then and went back into the pantry to look for seasoning. I pulled out some magically preserved chives and some rosemary. While I was searching around the herbs I found a vile of sparkling flakes. I brought it back out of the pantry and saw that it was labeled 'fairy dust'.

"Draco?" I asked.

"Uh." He was fully engaged in drinking his butter tea.

"What's this?" He looked up.

"The fairy dust?"

"Yes."

"I bought it last year at the Autumn Festival. The vendor told me it could make any meal delicious." I decided to save it for another time and put it back in the pantry. My mutton would taste delicious anyway. I also got a pot out so I could make rice. I placed the mutton in the oven with the rosemary seasoning and started boiling some water. Draco brought my tea over and we sat down at the informal dining room. Ellen came over to us, her cheeks flushed from excitement.

"Who wants to see their new clothes first?" She asked. Neither of us breathed a word. "Okay, Draco!" She said. Draco tried to look pleased. He made a valiant effort, but no one in the room was convinced. Ellen pretended not to notice. She brought over a stack of clothing and placed them on the table in front of us. Draco eyed it warily.

"I can't believe you've been here who knows how many times, and you've never bought yourself any new clothing!" Ellen said. "Okay," She said holding up the first outfit. "This is a linen suit I got for only sixty pounds! That is a great deal." It wasn't awful. In fact it was really nice. The linen was a light blue color and there were faint stripes on the pants. The shirt that went under the jacket was a faded, vanilla color. She put it to the side and held up the next outfit. In all she had bought him six new outfits, muggle and wizard alike. They were actually very nice, and they really were his style. She knew what she was doing.

"Okay, Jasper you're next." He groaned from the other room. "Oh come on!" She cried. "I know you'll like them." Jasper came out of the room, his hair all mussed up. I was surprised and so was Jasper. Jasper even looked slightly pleased by the clothes she had picked out. They were casual and comfortable-looking. Exactly Jasper's style. I was actually kind of excited for my turn.

"Alright, are you ready Sirrah?" I nodded. The first dress she held up nearly took my breath away. It was beautiful. It was a deep red color with dragons embroidered on it. The dress was somehow casual, and yet stunning. I could never wear it, but I simply nodded and smiled. She had picked out a linen suit for me as well, that I very much liked. It looked moveable and breathable. It was a muted gray color with an orange shirt. She had bought me a couple pair of pants and shirts that were casual as well. They were all linen, which surprised and delighted me. How did she know that I loved linen? At the end of our clothing session I knew Ellen had to be some kind of mind reader. She knew all of our styles perfectly. We all went to change into the new clothes immediately. Jasper pretended it was because he didn't want to hurt Ellen's feelings, but we all knew better.

I put on a pair of beige linen shorts and an embroidered, green tunic. It had little songbirds stitched all over it. How did she know I loved animals? I shook my head in amazement. As if the mutton knew that we were ready, the delicious smell of mutton and rosemary started wafting from the kitchen. I went over to the oven and pulled the pan out. I closed my eyes and sighed. Draco came out of the bedroom with a smile on his face. He was wearing a gray turtleneck, and faded, cut-off jeans.

"I could eat that whole mutton chop right now." He said, looking at the chop hungrily. I smiled.

"Not if I devour it first." He raised an eyebrow.

"You, devour? Somehow it seems like those two words don't really go together. I haven't seen you eat anything since you got back from Azkaban." My mood soured a little.

"I didn't want to make myself sick. They weren't exactly keeping us on a strict two-thousand-calories-a-day meal plan in Azkaban." The words were sharper than I intended. "I'm sorry, that sounded rude."

"No, not at all." Draco assured me. Ellen came down from the upstairs in a light, blue halter dress. It looked like a cloud and a fairy had, had a child. Her hair flowed down her back in waves.

"That smells delicious!" She exclaimed. "Do we have any pumpkin juice? I'm positively parched."

"It's in the pantry." Draco replied. Ellen whisked off into the pantry, and I took the rice off the stove.

"Where are the plates?" I asked Draco.

"Oh don't worry, I'll set the table. You made dinner after all." I shrugged. He went to set the table and I sat on the couch, not really knowing what else to do. Jasper came and sat next to me. He was wearing an oversized red sweatshirt that was woven from yak hair, and capris. His caramel colored eyes watched me. I looked back at him.

"What?" I asked quietly.

"You look bothered."

"Just a feeling."

"What kind of feeling?" He asked settling back into the couch.

"The kind where you are upset about something, and you can't remember what. The kind you get when you are the only one awake in the house and you know that tomorrow is going to be horrid no matter what you do."

"I've never had that feeling before," he said honestly. I didn't reply. "Do you like it?"

"The feeling?" I asked incredulous.

"Oh, no sorry. Sometimes I change the subject too quickly. I meant Tibet. Do you like Tibet?"

"Oh." I said softly. "Yes."

"Hard not to, isn't it?" He asked, smiling.

"Very." I looked around the tent. "I wouldn't mind living here indefinitely."

"Malfoy Manor isn't so bad." Jasper said. "If you can get used to Mrs. Avery sniping at you and Lucius Malfoy creeping around like a ghost. And don't forget the _actual_ ghost that lives in the basement. Oh and Narcissa Malfoy consistenly tugging at your hair, and your clothing, telling you that something is _just not right_." He said mimicking Narcissa's proper accent.

"That's sounds horrible." I said blatantly.

"I make it sound worse than it is."

"Is there actually a ghost?" I asked curious.

"Yes, there is an actual, literal ghost living in their basement. It's Draco's great-great-great-uncle twice removed, from his mother's side of the family, or something."

"Why is he stuck here?"

"Apparently someone buried his body, when he specifically asked to be burned. He just can't get over it."

"The gall." I said quietly.

"Dinnertime!" Draco called from the other room. I picked myself up, feeling very tired and very hungry, and dragged myself over to the table. Dinner passed in relative silence as everyone ate. We were all famished. The mutton disappeared in all but ten minutes. When we had all finished and there was positively no food left I closed my eyes.

"I think I'll turn in." I said. A chorus of 'me too's echoed me.

"I'll do the dishes tomorrow." Draco said, more to himself than to anyone else. Jasper took up residence on the couch and Draco went into the bedroom on the ground level. Ellen and I went upstairs. There was only one queen sized bed and Ellen had already claimed half of it. I climbed into the other side good naturedly. Ellen dragged me back out.

"You can _not_ sleep in your new clothes." She stated. I obliged and changed into a nightgown. Then I got into bed and fell asleep.

The voice in my head was screaming. I woke up abruptly, to find myself soaked in sweat and on the verge of a panic attack. I stumbled out of bed and nearly screamed. I needed light. I had to see it. I stumbled out of the tent into the light. People were moving around outside. It was too loud. It was too much. I fell to my knees and grasped my left arm with my right. The mark was still there. It was writhing. I knew it was.

"Excuse me miss?" A little girl was standing next to me. She looked like she was about to ask me if I was okay, but then she saw my arm. She nearly screamed. I saw her breathe in and I saw her open her mouth, but then she closed it. She was looking at someone behind me. I looked behind me as well and there was Ellen standing behind me, looking like an angel. She was wearing a silken robe and she knelt down to talk with the girl.

"Hello," She said softly. "What's your name?" The girl smiled. She must have been about seven years old. How had she even known what the mark was?

"My name is Andrea." She had a slight Russian accent, and I wondered how it was that she had even known who Voldemort was or what the sign was.

"Are you alright Andrea?" The girl nodded smiling.

"Oh yes, I was just about to call Mama because Miss here has a wound on her arm. I think it was paining her." My breath left my lungs. She had thought I was hurt. She had been calling to her mother. My eyes dropped to the ground. So this is what guilt felt like.

"Oh that is very sweet of you," Ellen said smiling. "But I don't think your Mama can heal her wound." Andrea's eyes scrunched up adorably.

"She is a healer. I think she might be able to help her. It looked very bad. I don't want Miss to be in pain." My throat closed up. If only she knew that the mark wasn't a wound, but a sign on evil. Ellen placed a placid hand on Andrea's shoulder.

"That is too kind of you, but she will be alright. I promise." It sounded more like she was promising me. "Why don't you go find your Mama now, I'm sure she is worried about you." Andrea smiled brightly.

"Alright. It was nice meeting you Miss." She said to me.

"Nice meeting you too, Andrea." I choked out. When Andrea had run off Ellen took my hand and led me into the tent. She set me on the couch, and went about making some green tea for me. I stared forward, unable to look at her. It was impossible to think of anything when all I could see was Andrea's bright green eyes looking into mine. I felt guilty I felt so guilty. She had wanted to help me, she had wanted to heal me. Would she have still wanted to help me if she had known what I had done? Who I was? I doubted it.

"It's not your fault." Ellen said as she brought my tea over. I sipped it thoughtfully.

"Which part?" I asked, my voice still choked with emotion.

"It's not your fault that she didn't know what it was." I didn't know how to reply. Was that really what I was feeling guilty about? It felt like more than that. The amount of guilt I was feeling wasn't just for Andrea not knowing about the mark. I was feeling guilt just for existing.

 **A/N:** Yay! I'm so excited for the next chapter, so please, come back!


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter

 **A/N:** Okay Know Low is actually in a song not a song title. The song is called NOLO, so I just spelled it different. It's by Grace Mitchell and she's talking about how you have to know low if you want to get high, anyway - enjoy!

Chapter 8: Know Low

After I drank my tea I went back up to bed. I didn't sleep, but it felt good to just lay in bed, in the dark. My emotions were all over the place. I didn't know how to sort through them. I tried to go about it methodically, but this was new territory. People thought that Death Eater's had to be heartless people who never felt emotion, and that was true. When I had been a Death Eater I hadn't had emotion. You couldn't when everything you did was evil.

But I liked to think that I was no longer a Death Eater. I liked to think that since I had turned myself in to the ministry three months ago I was no longer a Death Eater. Maybe that was wishful thinking. Perhaps I would be a Death Eater forever. Sure, I wasn't following Voldemort anymore, but maybe it was just one of those things that you always were.

The thought chewed on my insides. I hated it. I didn't want to be a Death Eater anymore. I just wanted to forget all about it. I closed my eyes and wished. I wished so hard that I could just go back and never become a Death Eater. I wished until my brain hurt. Everything would be so much easier if I just had chosen a different path. It exhausted me to think about all the what-ifs. It was mentally exhausting to go back and think about all the wrong things I had done.

It made me angry too. It made me angry at myself – yes – but it also made me angry at everyone else. It made me angry at my parents especially. This was _their_ fault. They had done this to me. I blamed them. But, if I was honest with myself, this wasn't their fault. I could have chosen a different path. When the sorting hat put me in Slytherin, that wasn't my parents fault. When I joined the Death Eater's no one forced me to do that. Yes, my parents wanted me to and I felt like I had no choice, but that was my fault. No one made me choose that. There was always a choice if you viewed death as an option.

I curled up on my side and squeezed my eyes shut. My mind played tug of war with itself trying to place the blame somewhere. I tried desperately to make it someone else's fault. If I could just put the blame on someone else, then it would be so much easier to move on. But as I tried to lay the blame somewhere I kept coming back to the same person. Me. Any way I tried to twist it, it was always my fault.

The thought swallowed me. It was inescapable and yet so destructive. If there was no one to blame except myself, then that meant there was no one who could fix this except myself. I was alone. And that, was the scariest thought of all.

"Sirrah?" I sat up slowly and looked at Jasper who was standing at the top of the stairs.

"Yes?" I asked.

"I thought you might be crying." He said. He looked at my dry eyes and shrugged. "That's how most people deal with hard situations." I nodded.

"Maybe one day I'll cry. I was just thinking is all." He nodded.

"Yeah, we do a lot of that." He sat down on the bed and smiled sadly. "We're going to see the castle now, if you want to come?"

"That sounds fun." I said. "Perhaps I will catch up with you? I would like to take a bath." He nodded.

"See you there? Draco can find you when you come in," He pointed at his head. "Tracker spell."

"Alright, see you all there." I said. He waved goodbye and then he loped down the stairs and out of the tent to meet Ellen and Draco. I dragged myself out of bed and down the stairs. The bathroom was right beside the kitchen and it definitely looked out of place in the tent. The rest of tent didn't have any walls – only curtains – but the bathroom was sectioned off with dark blue screens.

I went behind the screen and realized I wouldn't be able to fill the bathtub because I didn't have wand. I groaned. I walked back out to the kitchen and decided if I couldn't bathe I could at least eat something. I went into the pantry and started to search for something to eat. I grabbed a large orange off the shelf and walked back out to the kitchen.

I was about to walk out of the tent when I realized I still had a nightgown on. I groaned and walked back upstairs. I put on a pair of tan linen pants and a green t-shirt I had brought from Malfoy Manor. I pulled on the boots and put the straw hat on my head. _Then_ I walked out of the tent.

The plains were windy today. People milled around, but I didn't see the little girl from earlier. The castle was indeed right next to us, and I wondered if Draco had done that on purpose. On the outside it was pretty normal. It was deep purple color, and when I got closer I saw that tiny ravens flew all over the canvas. She must have been a Ravenclaw.

I walked up to the tent when suddenly an owl landed on my shoulder. Well, not a real owl, it was mechanical, but seemed to be running off of some sort of charm. It 'hooed' in my ear and then alighted on a stand in front of the tent.

"Hooo are you?" It asked.

"Sirrah Smith." I said. It shook its head.

"This is not hooo you are." It said. I looked around.

"Sirrah Safiq." I said quietly.

"That is hooo you are!" He said. He flew off his perch and opened the curtain of the tent for me. "You may enter!" I wondered if he was charmed to say 'hoo' as many times as he could.

"Thank you." I said as I entered. The inside of the house took my breath away. As soon as you walk in there was a grand staircase that seemed to reach into the sky. I followed it until I was looking at the ceiling. She had somehow made it appear that you were perpetually looking at the night sky. It was truly amazing.

"Tea?" I looked down from the ceiling and saw a petite, old woman walking towards me with a tray of tea. My stomach grumbled and I realized it must have been some time in the afternoon. We had probably slept into late morning and then I had lain in bed for a couple of hours.

"I would love some tea." I said politely. She smiled.

"Come to the drawing room." She said. The house was grand, but it was also bizarre. Some of the doorways seemed to be larger than other's and some things seemed to be oversized or too small. The drawing room, was not a typical drawing room. The chairs were massive. They were probably ten feet tall, and five feet wide. And they were floating in the air. The ceiling of this room was charmed to look like the foliage of a forest. Songbirds flitted around the room landing on actual trees that surrounded the perimeter of the room.

"Come dear." She said. I followed her, looking around in awe. She snapped at one of the chairs and it came flying down to us. A staircase rolled down from the top of the chair and we started to climb it. When we got to the seat of the chair I saw that two regular sized chairs had been set up with a small golden table in the middle. She placed the tea tray down and turned to me. She had bright blue eyes, icy and piercing, nothing like Ellen's. Her hair was a stunning white, that cascaded almost to her back in the tight curls. She wore a bright yellow dress, with a sunflower smack in the middle. _She_ was bizarre.

"Milk, sugar?" She asked.

"Sugar please." I replied. She went about fixing my tea and I looked around the room as the chair flew around. I could hardly feel it moving. A toucan flew past by shoulder and I watched, shocked.

"Where did you get all these birds?" I asked.

"Around." She replied cryptically.

"Have you seen anyone else come here today?" I asked her.

"Oh yes, your three friends are currently in the library." She chuckled. "It will take them hours to get out of there." She smiled at me. "Plenty of time for us to talk." I raised my eyebrows.

"Talk about what?" She laughed.

"About you? What else could be so interesting?"

"What do you mean?" She gave me my tea and then sat down. I followed her lead.

"Dear, you are probably one of the most interesting people I've ever come across." For some reason I wasn't taking that as a compliment. "You know, one of my greatest flaws is that I always want to get inside peoples heads. I want to know how they think." She leaned forwards. "How they work." She leaned back. "So tell me Sirrah Safiq, what's going on in your head?" I frowned. She was odd, but there were worse things she could have asked me.

"I'm not really sure, to be honest." I said. I sipped my tea and she extended a plate of biscuits. I took one off the top and chewed it hungrily.

"Well how about a more specific questions. What made you turn yourself in to the ministry?" I thought back to that horrible day and grimaced.

 _The mountains kept getting colder. I had been hiding out in them for almost a year and a half. There was hardly any food and the water was starting to freeze over. I had nearly died last winter and if I didn't get out before the first blizzard I definitely would die. I couldn't apparate anywhere because my parents would find out immediately, and they would tell Bellatrix. I couldn't do any magic. I hadn't been able to since I had run away._

 _I took a hammer to the ice on the lake and starting hitting it. I picked up the chunks of ice with my hands. They were wrapped with strips of clothing, and they were chapped and bloody. I took the ice back inside and placed it in a bucket so that it could melt. I put the bucket next to the fire and hoped it would melt. The rest of the cabin was so cold I wasn't sure it would. I unwrapped my hands next to the fire and grimaced. The frostbite was setting in. My fingers were turning black. There was frostbite creeping up my legs as well. My hair was a frozen mess, and it had started falling out a couple of days ago._

 _I would die soon if I didn't get out._

 _I held my hands up by the fire but soon had to wrap them back up. They were so cold. I went into the kitchen and picked up the last potato. After this I would have no food. I started to gnaw on it, regardless of the fact that it was raw and spoiled. When it was gone, my stomach growled loudly. I was starving. My wand sat on my table and I looked at it longingly. If only I could use it then I wouldn't be so cold. Would it be worth it? A second of warmth and then Bellatrix would come for me. Maybe. As I stared at my wand the notion warmed up to me. Or perhaps I warmed up to it._

 _I started shaking from the cold. I lay down next to the fire to move my thoughts away from the wand. I couldn't. I would rather freeze to death, then go back with them. I nodded off to sleep next to the fire._

 _When I woke the fire was out and I couldn't feel my arm, all the way up to my elbow. I screamed. I was going to die. I stumbled to the table knocking my arm into something. I couldn't fell my arm, but I heard it. I placed my hand on the table and grabbed the wand even though I couldn't feel it._

 _I disapparated with a pop. I arrived on the floor of the ministry screaming. I had splinched myself. No on came to help me. They all just stared at me. Finally a young witch came forward and looked at my arm where I had splinched myself._

 _"Who are you?" She asked. Between the screams I answered her._

 _"Sirrah Safiq. I'm turning myself in."_

"Well that's quite a story." She said smiling. She said it as if I had just shared the fact that they sky was blue. "But you didn't really answer my question. Why did you turn yourself in?"

"To save myself I guess." I said. She shook her head.

"No."

"No?" But that was the reason I had turned myself in. I was confused.

"You didn't turn yourself in to save your body. You turned yourself in to save your soul." That's exactly _not_ what happened. When I had turned myself in they were going to suck my soul out of my body. "You could have easily warmed yourself. You could have apparated back to your parents. They would have taken care of you. But you chose to turn yourself in because you didn't want to go back to that life. It was the much harder choice. You knew you would get the kiss when you turned yourself in. Sure, you appealed to the Wizenmagot, but when did they ever acquit a Death Eater, especially you? You had no chance, and you still turned yourself in. And then Dolohov and Carrow came to get you! And you killed him." She raised her eyebrows and I looked down in shame. "I think you are made of much more than you let everyone think." I looked up at her.

"Your friends are in the third row on the left." She waved her wand and suddenly I was in a library, quite literally in the clouds. I looked to my left and there was Draco, Ellen and Jasper. Jasper grinned. He held up a book excitedly.

"We're in this book!" I tried to smile, but my face was stuck. Was she right? Was I made of more?


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter :)

Chapter 9: When You're Smiling

Jasper brought the book over to me, but my eyes were unfocused. He showed me a family tree of every pureblood probably ever, starting with Salazar Slytherin.

"It's got my whole family tree in here!" He exclaimed. After a few seconds he looked up. "Huh." He said.

"What?" I asked.

"You aren't in here."

"Really?"

"Yeah, do you know your grandfather's name?" Of course, every pureblood was taught how to speak with their family tree.

"Father or Mother's side?"

"Father."

"Orion Safiq."

"He's not here." He said.

"Huh." I echoed his words. I honestly couldn't care less who I was descended from.

"Actually the Safiq name is nowhere in this book." _That_ was interesting.

"Really?" I asked. I stepped up next to him and looked through the book. "I wonder." I said.

"Oh wait, here it is." He said. His finger traced on the page. "This says Apus Safiq." Do you know her? Oh." His voice dropped off.

"What?" He looked up.

"How much do you care about being a pureblood?" I looked at him.

"The only part of my blood that I care about is the O negative part."

"Oh well, looks like your grandfather, Orion, was actually the result of an affair between Apus Safiq and oh wow."

" _What?_ " I asked. If he kept saying 'oh' I was going to go insane. He laughed. Really loud, and really long.

"Looks like your related to Potter. Your Great-Grandmother had an affair with Potter's Great-Grandfather. She probably told everyone that Orion was her husbands kid, but," He lowered his voice. "The book knows. Then Orion married Cetus Gaunt and then they had your father, who married your mother, who had you."

"Thank you for the history lesson."

"But anyway, George Potter – the guy your Great-Grandmother had an affair with – was a muggleborn."

"My parents would probably have a brain hemorrhage if I told them that."

"Guys look at this!" Ellen called us over. Jasper put the book back and I smiled. It made me strangely happy to know I wasn't a pureblood. Ellen was standing at the edge of the library with Draco. It looked like we were standing on clouds and when I looked down I saw clouds for what seemed liked an eternity.

"What do you think happens if we jump?" Ellen asked smiling. For an answer Jasper jumped over the side. Ellen followed and Draco offered me his arm. I took it and we jumped. We fell through the first cloud and then suddenly we were lying on our backs in the middle of a forest. Ellen and Jasper were nowhere to be found. We stood up and I brushed the pine needles off of my legs. The pine trees reached to the sky.

"Maybe they fell through a different cloud?" I asked. Draco took out his wand and activated the tracking spell. He smiled.

"They're fine. I've never been here." He said looking around. "I must come to this house at least four times every visit and I've never seen the library or this room.

"I met her." I said quietly.

"Who?"

"Ruta Melanie."

"She's a wonderful lady." He said. I nodded.

"So where are we?" I asked looking around. The pine trees in the forest were taller than any trees I had ever seen. He squinted through the trees. The sun was shining through. I wondered if somehow she had made it so that we saw the real sun, or that it was an artificial sun. I wanted to ask her how she made all this, but it was interesting not knowing. Draco turned around to look behind us. I kept walking forward trying to see how far up the trees went. It seemed they want up forever. I wondered if we climbed them we would end up back in the library. Suddenly Draco breathed in sharply.

"Is that, a dragon?" He asked. I turned around quickly. He started moving forward and then he stepped back. And then he started running. He grabbed my hand and then we were running. Suddenly the trees behind us exploded into flame. The wave of heat singed my hair. It blew us to the ground and we scrambled up. When I looked at Draco he was grinning. I grabbed a quick glance behind us and internally sighed. Of course there was a Chinese fireball in Ruta Melanie's tent.

We suddenly burst out of the forest and we were in a desert. The shifting sands seemed to be trying to sink us. The sun blared down on us and suddenly the dragon was in front of us. Fire erupted out of his mouth and the sands swallowed us. Instead of arriving in a cave or something we found ourselves flailing around in water. We swam for the surface and when we broke the surface I saw we were in the middle of an endless expanse of water. Draco looked around and laughed.

"Are you a sufficient swimmer?" He asked. I nodded. I was breathing too hard to speak. Suddenly something grabbed my leg and I was dragged under. Mermaids. Of course mermaids. They dragged us down to the bottom. By the time we got there my lungs felt as if they would burst. I struggled a little, but at this point I figured the mermaids would probably take us to a jungle or something. Draco passed me and he waved. I stopped struggling and let the mermaid drag me. When we got to the bottom she pushed me into some seaweed and suddenly I felt a sucking feeling.

The seaweed dragged me in and then it spit me out. We actually were in a normal room. It had a bed and a nightstand. The funny part was that everything was completely ruined by water. I guess some other people had ended up here. Draco was standing up. He was completely soaked. His hair was slicked back and seaweed was draped all over his clothing. I burst out laughing at the same time Draco did. I couldn't help it. I fell back to the ground and writhed on the floor laughing. Draco leaned on the wall. He was laughing so hard tears were streaming down his face. He finally sank to the floor and hugged his sides.

Suddenly in a flurry of leaves Jasper appeared in the room. Ellen appeared followed by a swarm of birds.

"Run!" She screamed. I was still laughing as I scrambled up and we ran out the door. We were in a long hallway that made it look like we were on the ceiling. It was very disconcerting. Suddenly a clock chimed somewhere and we fell to the ground. The gravity had somehow shifted. The birds fell to the ground as well. We got up and continued running down the hall. I opened the door at the end of the hall and we were falling down the grand staircase. We tumbled down faster and faster and I knew this staircase had to be charmed. The staircase kicked us out the door of the tent.

For a second we all lay sprawled on the ground in front of the castle. Then we were all talking at once relaying what happened to us. We couldn't get words out fast enough. Jasper had been flying, Ellen had seen dinosaurs. Jasper had ended up in some sort of frozen castle. Ellen had climbed to the top of a mountain. It was amazing. We all wanted to go back in and explore again. Draco held his hand up and we waited for him to speak.

"First let's go get some food. I'm famished." We all seconded that. Draco took us out into town to all little and we all got food from various vendors. I bought a bowl of noodles and yak meat. We sat down to eat in the middle of the plains and talked about our adventures in the castle. It was amazing. The day had started out bad, but it had turned out wonderful. How could anyone not fall in love with it here?

The sun started to set about halfway through our meal. Albeit, our meal took a couple of ours because we were all talking so much. Ellen fell asleep about halfway through Draco and I's story. By the time we had finished I was nearly asleep and it was much too late to go back to the castle. Draco carried Ellen back to the tent, and Jasper and I leaned on each other.

When we got back to the tent I climbed into bed, still in my clothes and Draco put Ellen next to me.

"Goodnight." He whispered.

"Goodnight." I whispered.

The next few days passed in bliss. We were able to forget about all the things that had happened. We were able to be someone new. I was Sirrah Smith. I was new. Unfortunately we all knew that our problems wouldn't be solved by laughing them away, or trying to forget about them. It was a nice break, but we knew that the only way to truly solve a problem was to face it head on. We knew when it was time to go back.

I came down to breakfast one morning and saw Draco sitting on the couch. He was staring at his wand with an unreadable expression on his face. His eyebrows were tied together and his lips were pursed. He twisted his wand in his hand, and he seemed to be searching for something.

"What's wrong?" I asked. Draco looked up and put his wand down.

"Harry owled me this morning." I waited for him to continue. "The Yaxleys were killed a week ago." He sighed loudly. "Two days ago a couple of aurors went to their manor to investigate. They found the Yaxleys nine year old twins chained up in the basement."

"Are they alright?" I asked sitting down across from him.

"They are at St. Mungo's right now. They want to put them in the program." I almost laughed.

"That is a horrid idea." I said.

"I agree. Harry said as much to the ministry, but they won't put them anywhere else. Even though they were six years old when Voldemort was defeated they refuse to have them anywhere else. It's ludicrous. How will they ever have a normal childhood?" He rubbed his forehead. "If they grow up surrounded by former Death Eaters, and they are told they were former Death Eaters, how can we know how that will affect their mental health? For all we know it could make it worse. They actually might become Death Eaters." He shook his head. "I hate working for the ministry." He muttered.

"There has to be someway to convince them that they are just innocent kids." I said exasperatedly. "Surely the ministry isn't that heartless."

"You underestimate their ability to be heartless." He said spitefully. "These kids have nothing in common with us. Even if we are able to give them a childhood resembling normal no one else will every treat them as normal. If they grow up with us no one will ever see them as more than the twin Death Eaters." He scowled.

"We need to go back." I said. I knew he would say it, so I decided to say it first. He looked at my surprised.

"Are you sure?" He asked. "I could go back…" He trailed off. He knew we had to go wherever he went.

"Tibet has been nice." I said smiling. "But this is something that we all need to be there for." He nodded.

"I think you're right." He sighed. "I guess we're packing our bags." I nodded. I went back up to the room to start packing my stuff. It didn't take me very long. All I had was clothing and a few souvenirs I had gotten. One of them included a wooden carving of a yak. I placed everything in the tiny bag and looked at Ellen who was still fast asleep. I shook her awake softly and she woke u graceful as ever.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"We have to go back." I said. She didn't ask why, simply got out of bed and started packing. When I looked downstairs I saw that Jasper was doing the same. We were ready in under an hour. Draco took care of the food, and packed the food that would spoil. I saw him tuck the tin of mooncakes into the pantry.

"Are you all ready?" He asked. We nodded sadly and all grasped hands.

"I hate side-along apparition." Jasper muttered. With a pop we were outside Malfoy Manor. The sun wasn't quite up yet. We went back into the house and parted ways to our rooms. With a sinking feeling in my stomach I realized I never should have left Tibet. It was all too real here. I wasn't strong enough to be here yet. When I got to my room I leaned against the door as I closed it. I could do this. I sank to the floor as my mind started a battle of wills.

I could do this.

I couldn't do this.

My mind went back and forth and I felt like a mere passenger, along for the ride. Finally I stood up telling my mind to shut up. It didn't matter whether I could do this or not. I had to. I was here. I wasn't in Tibet. I had to do this.

I got up and I went to my bag. I got out the suit that Ellen had bought me in Tibet and I put it on. If we were going to fight the ministry I wanted to look my best. I twisted my hair into a bun. Then I grabbed my wand and went out the door. I had to do this. It seemed Draco had, had a similar idea because he wore a black, silk suit and his hair was slicked back. His gray eyes were bright in the rising sun.

"You look ready." He said. I nodded. He nodded at my wand.

"Don't forget."

"I wont." We had told Jasper and Ellen what was happening after we woke them and they came out of their rooms fully prepared. We seemed to all sigh together.

"What happens if they don't agree?" Jasper asked suddenly.

"We adjust." Ellen said resolutely.

"We can floo to the ministry." Draco said looking expectantly at us. We nodded and I dropped my wand off in the living room. Lucius Malfoy was sitting in the living room looking like a wraith.

"I guess you've heard." He said in halting speech. We nodded. "Don't let them bring those children here." He said. He looked away and I saw a look in his eye that I hadn't seen before. Anger. Real anger. I had seen real evil there, but I had never seen real anger. "Don't let them put those children somewhere they don't belong." He said weakly. We stepped into the fireplace and stepped out into the ministry.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it.

Chapter 10: Carry That Weight

We stepped out of the fireplace and immediately entered a stream of never ending people moving in a seemingly endless direction. I was separated from the others almost instantaneously. I caught sight of Ellen's golden head through the crowd, and I tried to follow it. I saw her turn to the right and I followed her. I recognized the hall we were in from my trial with the Wizenmagot. Anger burned in my chest. They were putting the children on _trial_? How dare they.

We turned into the trial room and when I saw the Yaxley twins standing in the center of the room looking scared out of their wits I nearly went to them. Draco seemed to be thinking along the same lines because Harry rushed over to us.

"I tried to tell them," He started.

"This had better be over quickly." Draco growled. Harry swallowed hard.

"They wont listen. They're all consumed with fear and anger. They are going to put these kids in the program."

"They can't do that!" Jasper exclaimed incredulously. Harry ran a hand through his thick hair.

"They can." He swept an arm around the room. "Look who is in the Wizenmagot." We all looked. My heart sunk. It was filled with people unlikely to support our cause. "We can't do anything about this. They refused to put me on the Wizenmagot. We can't even speak up for them." He rubbed his nose and I noticed the deep circles under his eyes. We took a seat near the bottom to watch the trial unfold. The Chief Warlock called the trial to order looking just as angry as he had for my trial.

The twins – Romeo and Valentine – stood gripping each other's hands. Valentine hugged her brother while he struggled to keep the tears in his eyes from falling. There were lacerations on both of their arms – I'm assuming from being chained together. A young witch who was probably a few years older than me stood up.

"I'm not sure why we are having this trial at all! It should be obvious that these children belong in the reformatory program. Their parents were Death Eater's! They belong in the program. They were practically raised to be followers of Voldemort." A few people gasped at the use of the Dark Lord's name. I saw Jasper roll his eyes. "They will never be able to be like us. No one raised in the shadow of _Voldemort_ can ever be allowed to – "

"That's enough!" Harry roared. The Wizenmagot went silent. The witch looked surprised and then angry. She pointed at him.

"You should know better than anyone that these people are evil! You can't reform evil!" She shouted. I knew that most wizards did not hold her views, but her words still stung. "I would rather break my wand than _ever_ have to work beside one of these abominations." People started to murmur.

"You're right." Harry said at a normal tone. "I should know better than anyone. I've been working with these people for almost two years. And in all that time the only thing I have discovered is that they are not evil. They are like us. They are just like us. They are people, and they have rights. You should be ashamed of yourself. The only children being raised in evil are the ones who are being taught that these children," He pointed at Romeo and Valentine. "Are not their equals." The witch's eyes nearly popped out of her head.

"Traitor." She hissed. The Wizemagot exploded. Half of the people seemed to want to attack her, and half seemed unsure what they were screaming about.

"How dare you!" A wizard shouted from the crowd. "He saved us!" The Chief Warlock tried, in vain, to call the trial to order. Valentine and Romeo had burst into tears. I watched them, feeling their pain acutely. Once upon a time I had been just like them. When it became too great to bear, I ran to them. I pulled a handkerchief out of my pocket at started to wipe their tears away.

"Shhh." I whispered, as the room around me dissolved into chaos. "Everything is going to be alright." Romeo gripped my hand. They both had white, blonde hair like Draco. Their eyes though, were dark, like mine. With tears streaming done his face, Romeo pulled my face down to his. He whispered in my ear.

"Don't let them take us." I pursed my lips. I looked over to where the other's sat. Jasper was watching me and the others were watching the trial. Or rather the mob. I shook my head at Jasper. He came over slowly as if he didn't want to scare the kids. He leaned down next to me and I put my head next to his.

"I think the safest place for them might be with us. I know it isn't ideal, but these people," I gestured to the Wizenmagot, "How can they take care of them?" Jasper nodded.

"I agree. I will go tell Draco." He got up and hurried over to Draco. Suddenly I felt a hex hit my face. I felt blood start to run down my face. I put a hand up to it surprised.

"Away from the prisoners!" A guard shouted at me. I looked at him in shock.

"They are not prisoners!" Harry yelled, coming over to me. "How dare you attack her?" By now, the Wizenmagot was complete pandemonium. "I am taking these children." Harry declared. He took Romeo by the hand and I took Valentine by her hand. We walked out of the trial room to the floo's and went straight back to Malfoy Manor.

When we arrived Lucius Malfoy was still sitting in the living room. He took one look at us and sighed.

"That bad was it?" He asked. Valentine burst into tears. I kneeled down next to her and hugged her head to my chest. Romeo broke away from Harry and ran to his sister and I. I hugged them both and looked up at Draco. His face was downcast, and his forehead creased. He walked into the other room, and I turned to the children.

"Let's go upstairs." I said quietly. I picked up my wand on the way out and watched as Ellen and Jasper followed Draco. The children nodded and followed me up the stairs. I took them to my room and helped them get out of their prison garb. I shook my head in disgust. How could they put children in prison garb? I took them to the bathroom and filled it with water. They got in and I helped them wash away their tears and sweat.

"What's happened?" Valentine asked. Romeo nodded. I could tell he looked up to her. I sighed and looked at them sadly.

"Your parents have died." I started slowly. "They weren't very good people."

"We know." Valentine said softly.

"We weren't very good people either." I said. "We worked with your parents for a very bad man. Because you were your parent's children, the others think you belong with us." It sounded so stupid. Valentine swallowed.

"We can't help being our parent's children."

"I know that." I said washing her hair. "We all know that, here. The problem is that some people think that it makes you dangerous." Her brow furrowed.

"I can't do magic yet." She said.

"Not dangerous like that." I said. "They think you're dangerous because your parents raised you to be like them." Her face soured.

"I don't want to be like them." Suddenly she looked frightened. "Do I have to be like them?"

"No!" The words came out louder than I intended. "No, you do not have to be like them. I am not like my parents." I said. Even as I said the words I wondered if they were true. Romeo spoke up, quietly.

"I don't want to be like my parents."

"You don't have to be." I said. "Look at me." I said to both of them. Two pairs of identical dark eyes looked into mine. "You can be whoever you want to be. Don't ever let anyone tell you that because of who you are related to you can't be who you want to be." They nodded. I continued to wash them in silence. There was a knock on my door.

"I'll be right back." I said to them. I got up and went to the door. I opened it and let Narcissa in. She was holding a pile of clothes for the twins. I wonder where she got all these clothes. I took them from her and thanked her. She nodded with a grim look on her face.

"I'll set a room up for them down the hall." I looked at the two children, hardly moving in the bathtub.

"I don't know." I said. "I'm not sure that being alone is the best thing for them right now." Narcissa nodded.

"I can have Draco set up some cots in here?" She asked. "Tomorrow you three can move into the other master suite." I nodded stiffly. I hadn't really been suggesting they stay with me, but I supposed that was all right. She suddenly put a hand on my cheek.

"Dear what happened?" I touched the cut. I had forgotten about the hex-throwing guard.

"Oh, nothing serious." I said. She took her wand out of her pocket and waved it over my face. I hoped I didn't look too surprised. I would not have expected Narcissa to know healing magic. She smiled and left down the hall. I finished up with the twins in the bathtub and got them into some warm nightgowns. Draco hadn't come by with the cots yet so I set them up in my bed. They curled up together and were sound asleep in a matter of minutes. They had, had an exhausting day. The sun was just setting outside, but I felt pretty tired too. I changed into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and climbed into bed with them. I didn't sleep, but I felt relaxed. All three of our chests rose and fell in unison.

A soft knock on my door alerted me to Draco's presence. I got out of bed and opened the door a crack.

"They're sleeping." I whispered. I stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind me. He was levitating the cots behind him and dropped them to the floor quietly.

"I can set them up tomorrow?" He asked. I nodded.

"That's fine. They can sleep in my bed tonight." He nodded and then he shook his head.

"I can't believe this."

"Who was she?" I asked. "The witch who was so keen on putting them with us?"

"Marissa Gray. She's an auror. Her whole family was killed during the war – she was a muggleborn." I frowned.

"So now she's on a crusade against anyone ever affiliated with Voldemort?" He nodded.

"Pretty much."

"These poor kids. They don't even understand what's going on." He sighed deeply.

"Are you hungry?" I nodded.

"Tibet feels like a lifetime ago."

"That's how it always goes." He said. "Mother made some roast beef and potatoes." I followed him down to the kitchen and when we arrived Harry was sitting with his head in his hands. Ellen and Jasper sat whispering in the corner. Harry looked up and placed his glassed back on his nose.

"How did this happen?" He asked sounding genuinely confused. "I'm going to get fired." He took his glasses off again and put his head back in his hands." I heard the floo activate in the other room and an exclamation from Lucius. Two people came rushing into the kitchen. Hermione Granger and Ginny Potter rushed in. Hermione looked more like the girl I remembered, with her hair down and her muggle clothes. Ginny was starting to show a little bit with the child, but was still fiery as ever.

"What happened?" Hermione asked sharply. "We agreed those kids could not come here under any circumstances." Her piercing eyes seemed to go right through Harry.

"I know." Harry moaned. "I know. We just, we couldn't leave them with those people. They would never have a normal childhood with them. They might not have a normal childhood here, but at least they'll feel welcome here." Hermione shook her head.

"That's not acceptable Harry."

"Well it's going to have to do!" He said raising his voice. "I'm sorry." He said quieter. "I know it isn't acceptable, but what choice do we have? Leave their fate up to people like Marissa Gray? That isn't acceptable either."

"Of course not." Ginny said softly. She went to Harry and rested her hands on his shoulders. He closed his eyes and rubbed his nose. I watched all this unfold in silence.

"Where are they now?" Hermione suddenly asked. Draco turned to me slightly. I sighed internally.

"They are asleep in my room. I've agreed to stay with them." I said. Hermione ran a hand through her hair.

"The Ministry has basically cut us off at our knees – at least legally. The twins don't have a legal guardian. They are technically just prisoners in the program. We have absolutely no say in what happens to them. The Ministry basically owns them until they come of age."

"Like it owns us." Jasper spoke up. Hermione nodded grimly. She glanced at a clock in the wall.

"I'm sorry I have to cut this visit short, but I've arranged a hearing with the Minister of Magic. I plan to give him a piece of my mind." Harry grabbed her arm as she turned to go.

"Don't agree to anything without knowing all the details. Alright?"

"Alright." She agreed. She walked into the living room briskly and the sound of the floo sounded a few seconds later. Ginny kissed Harry's cheek.

"Should we get going dear?" She asked quietly. "You've had a long day." He nodded. He looked up at us and his face was twisted in worry.

"I'm so sorry about this." The four of us gave a variety of shrugs.

"We will take care of them." I said finally. He nodded and Ginny and he left. Draco basically fell into a chair after they left.

"I hope Hermione doesn't push the minister too much." He said. "She could end up making it worse." Jasper snorted and we all looked at him. His face was a mask of anger.

"How? Those kids are stuck with the title 'Death Eater Jr.' for the rest of their lives. Please explain to me how it could possibly get worse that that?" I knew he spoke from personal experience and it only made it all the more painful.

"This is hard for all of us." I said quietly. "I remember being just like them. But that doesn't mean we can just give up. We can give these children a good life. We have to." They nodded in agreement.

"That means one hundred percent." Ellen added. She looked at all of us. "No bowing out when the going gets tough." She said looking down. "I'm notorious for giving up when I feel like I can't go on. We can't do that here. _I_ can't do that here." I nodded in agreement.

"I better go see how they're doing." I said quietly. I left them in the kitchen in deep thought. When I reached my room I saw that the twins were still sound asleep in their bed. I climbed in beside them and wrapped my arms around them. I would protect them. I promised.

 **A/N:** What do you think of the Yaxley twins? Their names are both from the play Romeo and Juliet (duh), but Valentine is a boy. Oh well. I liked the name and I wasn't going to name her Juliet because, that's weird. Let me know what you think!


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** Not the owner.

 **A/N** : Okay the song for this chapter is by the Piano Guys. If you don't know who they are check them out on youtube. They're awesome. It's a pianist and a cellist and they make beee-utiful music. Because of You is an original they did, but they mostly do covers.

Chapter 11: Because of You

When I woke up I wasn't drenched in sweat. I wasn't on the verge of the panic attack. Rather, someone else was. Romeo was screaming like a banshee and I scrambled for my wand.

"Lumos." I whispered. Light entered the room. Romeo hugged me tightly, as if he couldn't let go. Valentine was awake now as well and she moved to hug me. Romeo curled his head into my chest and wept. I didn't know what had happened, but I did know how to hug him. When he had finally calmed down enough that his sobs had turned into hiccups he twisted to look at me.

"I had a nightmare." He said. I smoothed his hair against his head. It was feathery soft, like silk. It was matted to his head with sweat, and I smiled sadly at the irony.

"What happened?" I asked. It was the same question I had wished my parents would ask a thousand times.

"We were chained up in the basement again." He said shuddering. A tear raced down Valentine's face at the mention of the basement. I rubbed his back smoothly.

"But you aren't in the basement are you?" I asked quietly. "You're here in Malfoy Manor with me. We are safely tucked away in bed and we are protected by some of the most powerful witches and wizards in England." Romeo smiled lightly and laid his head back on the pillow. He was already drifting back to sleep. I tucked my wand under my pillow again and waited until Romeo's breathing had slowed to close my eyes. I drifted back to sleep and hoped he would be alright.

Twice more that night he awoke with a bad dream. I didn't mind, not really. If it meant that he was well cared for, than I could manage it. In the morning, he woke up for real at about five in the morning. I helped him out of bed and into the bathroom. He was disoriented and frightened, it was the least I could do. Valentine woke as well, and she wanted to take a bath right away. I didn't ask why, simply filled the tub for her. Romeo joined her and they took their bath in silence. It was odd to see such young children, completely silent.

I hadn't known many children, but the ones I had known were loud. Their silence seemed to speak for itself of the horror they had witnessed. It paled next to my own horror. They were just children, they shouldn't have to witness any evil.

When they had finished with their bath I helped them out and into comfortable clothing. We all went downstairs for breakfast, with me still in my nightgown. I could change later. In the kitchen no one else was up yet. The sun was still below the horizon outside. I put some water on for us to make tea. They sat at the table in silence watching the outside world in fascination or perhaps in awe. I wondered how long they had been in that basement.

"What do you all want for breakfast?" I asked. They looked at each other in surprise.

"What can we have?" Valentine asked.

"Anything you want." I said trying to dissipate their worry with a smile. It didn't seem to work.

"I suppose oatmeal." Valentine said. She glanced at her brother and he nodded.

"Could we, could we have honey on top?" He asked nervously. I nodded.

"Of course." I set about making the oatmeal while I hummed.

"Sirrah?" I looked up surprised to see Draco. He looked alert as ever, dressed in a suit.

"What's happening?" I asked. Now it seemed that I was always prepared for bad news.

"I have to go into the ministry today. Will you be alright?" I knew he was really asking how the children would be. I looked at them. They sat still as statues.

"I'll be fine." He nodded.

"I'll try to be home for dinner tonight, but if I'm not…" He trailed off. "Well, you know." I nodded.

"See you tonight."

"See you tonight." He walked out of the kitchen smiling slightly. I turned back to the oatmeal and stirred it thoughtfully. I looked over at Romeo and Valentine. They looked lost. I couldn't help them find themselves – they had to do that for themselves, but I could help them find out what they liked about themselves. I sat down with them as the oatmeal cooked.

"What do you like?" I asked them. They looked up surprised. It wasn't that they hadn't ever thought about it. It was just that they hadn't really thought it a possibility. Romeo scratched his head. Valentine looked around the room as if grasping for something to like.

"I like light." She said finally. She was staring out the window into the fields surrounding Malfoy Manor. The sun was starting to peak over the horizon.

"That's a start." I said. I turned to Romeo. He opened his mouth, but then closed it again.

"I like earth." He said finally.

"Earth?" I asked. He nodded.

"I like the dirt and the trees. I like knowing how it works." I nodded. "I want to know more." He said finally.

"Alright." I said. "When do you not like those things?" Romeo scrunched up his eyes. Neither of them said anything for a while.

"I guess I don't like Earth when it swallows people." He turned to Valentine as if to ask if he did alright. She gave a slight nod of her head, almost imperceptible.

"I don't like light when it blinds people." I walked back over to the oatmeal, taking it off the stovetop. "What do you like?" Valentine asked suddenly. I froze. Finally I answered.

"Tibet."

"What's that?" Romeo asked.

"A place." I said. They didn't question me further. Jasper walked into the kitchen just as I was giving the twins their honey oatmeal, and the kettle began to whistle.

"Good morning Jasper." I said. The twins echoed me.

"Good morning Sirrah, Romeo, Valentine." He said nodding to us. He sat down with the twins and grinned at them.

"Sirrah's a pretty good cook, isn't she?" He asked. I poured the tea into four cups assuming he would want some. I made Earl Grey for myself and Jasper and apple cinnamon for the twins. I brought the cups over and they thanked me. The twins were engaged in eating their oatmeal and I brought a bowl over for Jasper. He smiled up at me and took it gratefully.

"Thanks Sirrah."

"No problem." I sat down with my own bowl and began to eat. We all ate in silence and it was only broken by the arrival of Ellen.

"I thought I smelled oatmeal." Ellen said rubbing her eyes sleepily. "What are we doing today?" She asked, her words slurring together.

"I thought we might take a walk around Malfoy Manor." I said. "Perhaps pack a picnic and explore the woods."

"Sounds delightful!" Jasper said clapping his hands together.

"Quite." Ellen said. "What do you say?" She said turning to Romeo and Valentine.

"Sounds fantastic." Valentine said. I went about packing the lunches and Ellen said she would dress them in something more fitting. Jasper helped me pack the lunches.

"How was it last night?" Jasper asked. "Draco came over to my room at about midnight. Asked me if I thought he should go over and help you, but I told him I thought you could handle it." He shook his head ruefully. "Always trying to help."

"Yes." I said thoughtfully. "What happened to him?" Jasper laughed.

"You'll have to ask him that. It is amazing though."

"What will happen to them do you think?" I asked him. He knew I was talking about the twins.

"They will turn eleven. They will go to Hogwarts. They will be sorted into a noble house." He winked. "They're all noble." He whispered. "They will excel in everything, because we taught them well. They will have friends and they will graduate top of their class. They will grow up to have wonderful jobs and one day they will look at us and they will realize they don't need our arms anymore. They will pick themselves up and they will fly out of the nest." I smiled.

"You think so?"

"If we believe, then yeah. I do think so."

"I believe." I said softly.

"Good. Now we just have to get everyone else to believe."

"That's the tricky thing isn't it?" I asked. He rolled his eyes.

"The day I see Lucius Malfoy believe in anything other than sheer luck is the day I die. Honest to goodness if that man ever shows me a shred of love in his heart I will implode." I giggled. It was an odd sound and he burst out laughing at it. "Was that a giggle?" He asked incredulous, but still laughing.

"Maybe." I said still laughing.

"I might implode right now."

"Are you lot ready?" Ellen said, clomping down the stairs with the twins hot on her heals. She frowned at me.

"You are in a nightgown."

"Yes. I've heard they are the common wear for a picnic."

"Go get changed." She said. I sighed.

"Alright then." I went upstairs quickly and rushed into my room. I quickly threw on a pair of linen pants and a nice shirt. I didn't really look as it closely. I came back down the stairs and they were waiting for me at the front door.

"I'm ready." I said. We exited the house and the sun was high in the sky. Today it was windy and it made me miss the plains of Tibet. We set our picnic up at the edge of the woods where we would have one foot in the fields and one in the trees. Romeo and Valentine didn't seem quite happy, but they didn't seem quite sad. Romeo turned his sandwich over in his hands. His bleach, white hair whipped in the wind and he looked up at me.

"Sirrah?"

"Yes?"

"Do you suppose our parents loved us?" I looked at Ellen and she had a grim look on her face.

"Do you think they did?" I asked in turn. He frowned.

"No. If they loved us they wouldn't have left us locked up in the basement all the time." I tried not to gasp too loudly. I thought they had only been locked up in the basement when the aurors had found them. I hadn't known it had been all the time for them.

"I loved them." Valentine piped up. "But I knew they didn't love us back." Romeo nodded. My heart broke for them. Ellen clapped her hands suddenly.

"We should start a garden!" Romeo and Valentine looked up at her, enthralled.

"A garden?" Romeo asked.

"Yes we could grow tomatoes and carrots and cucumbers."

"What about flowers?" Valentine asked, a smile growing on her face.

"What would a garden be without flowers?" Ellen said, smiling.

"We could grow radishes as well." Romeo said thoughtfully. "I always liked radishes." Jasper watched, amused. I sat back as well, just enjoying their joy at growing a garden.

"Can we start growing it tomorrow?" Romeo asked.

"I'll ask Draco to take me to Diagon Alley tonight to get seeds." I said. A smile cracked his face.

"We're going to grow a garden!" I lay down in the grass and relaxed. Jasper was right. Everything would turn out alright.

The rest of the day we played outside with Romeo and Valentine. Narcissa came out in the afternoon to give us some snacks, but other than that we spent the day doing completely nothing. It was almost like being in Tibet again.

That night Draco came home after I had put Romeo and Valentine to bed. His hair hung in his eyes and he dropped into a chair the second he came out of the floo. I was sitting in the living room reading. He ran a hand through his hair, and then seemed to realize I was there.

"What happened?" I asked putting my book down.

"Nothing good. The ministry wont budge. Either the kids stay in the program or we hand them over to the muggle system."

"Maybe that wouldn't be so bad." I said. He shook his head.

"No one's going to adopt them, they're too old. Even if they are adopted it is unlikely that they will be adopted together. They would either be split up, or moving foster families every few months. They need support. Who knows how damaged their emotional and mental health is? We are their best option right now." I frowned.

"I was wondering if you could take me to Diagon Alley? I told Romeo I would get some seed's for our garden tonight." He raised his eyebrows.

"Garden?"

"They want to grow some vegetables."

"That's a good idea. It might take their mind off of things."

"Yeah, that's what Ellen thought."

"Is anyone staying with them right now?" He asked.

"Jasper is on duty tonight."

"Alright, let me get out of my work clothes, and I'll be right down." I nodded, and he went off upstairs. I was sitting in the living room for a while before Lucius Malfoy suddenly appeared behind me.

"Going out?" He asked. His voice made me jump and I turned to face him.

"Just to Diagon Alley." He sighed heavily.

"Building them a garden isn't going to help them." I frowned.

"And how would you know?" He gave me a poisonous look.

"Between the lectures and the support meetings they'll feel just like all of us. Death Eater's who are desperately trying to be something they are not." Anger boiled in my chest.

"Just because you don't feel as if you can ever be more than a Death Eater doesn't meant the rest of us feel that way. We want to reform. We want to be better."

"Ha!" He shouted. I stepped back. "You think you can be better?" I felt something welling up inside me. Something I had been able to hide away and ignore. "You think that because now that Draco's taken you to Tibet and you made some new friends you can just forget about all the things you did during the war? You think that keeping company with people no better than yourself clears you of your wrongs?" He practically spat the words out. "If you think that taking in these children will clear you of any wrong that you did, you're just kidding yourself. You'll never be clear of it. Especially not you. It doesn't matter what you want, Sirrah dear. You can want to be something more than a Death Eater, but you never will be." He spun away and stormed off. I stood, stunned, in the middle of the living room. Draco came down the stairs, wearing more casual clothes. He saw my face and stopped.

"Is everything alright?" I looked up, putting on a smile. We both knew it was fake, but neither of us said anything.

"Fine."

We flooed to Diagon Alley and stepped out. It was late so not many people were out, but most of the shops were still open. Draco waved me along.

"I know a place where we can get seeds." He said. He looked stressed. He put on a brave face, but he still looked incredibly tired. I imagined we all did. He took me into a shop and we bought the seeds quickly. Before we went back to the floo he put a hand on my shoulder.

"Are you alright Sirrah? Honestly?" I turned back to him.

"How do you ignore it?"

"Ignore what?"

"The War? The past? How do you just ignore it like it never happened?" He sighed.

"What do you mean Sirrah? No one ignores the war." He laughed bitterly. "No one's forgotten about it. If you think that's how were coping then you've been blind. Ignoring the war is not a healthy way to deal with your problems."

"I'm not –" I started. He cut me off. He was angry, angrier than I had ever seen him.

"Is that what you think we do? Just stuff away all those nasty memories in a neat little box, and go on our way skipping about? If you do, you don't know us at all." He shook his head in disgust. "You've got to face it Sirrah." I was stung by his words. I hadn't meant it that way, and I thought he had known that. I was about to open my mouth, but he beat me to it.

"I'm so sorry Sirrah, that was incredibly rude." I pursed my lips. I didn't trust myself to reply respectfully. "I've had a very long day, which I know is no excuse, but I am very sorry for lashing out at you that way." I smiled sadly.

"I understand Draco. It's alright, we all have rough days." He placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I really am sorry." I shrugged and his hand fell away.

"It's okay, honestly."

"No but, I've been trying to stay out your healing process, and I may have ruined it right then." I looked at him confused.

"What do you mean?' He sighed.

"This is a critical stage in your recovery. Who you will be for the rest of your life depends on how you recover from what happened during the war. And if I interfere too much, you'll become dependent on other people to always save you from your fear and guilt. That's why I've been trying to let you go through it alone right now. I'm here for support, but I don't want to influence you too much." I pressed my lips together.

"That's just the problem isn't it? I'm not going through anything. I'm ignoring it. I shut it away in a box, like you said, and I don't pay it any mind. It's so much easier. I'm afraid if I re-open that box I might never get it to close again. It's just better if I don't think about it." Draco shook his head.

"That's what I thought. It's what we all thought. We all tried it to a degree. Even Ellen. But it doesn't work Sirrah, let me tell you that from experience. You think it's strength of bravery that lets you lock it away, but it's only cowardice. And you will only end up hurting yourself more in the process. One day you'll just explode from the pressure. You don't have to talk about it not, but at least 're-open the box'. Think about it sometimes. Not all the time, but sometimes. And I will try to stay out of it, alright?"

"Alright." I echoed weakly. Even the thought of thinking about the war again made me frightened.

"Let's go home." He said. I nodded and we headed back to Malfoy Manor.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** Don't own anything. I'm literally broke. (Get it? Literary? Literally? Hahah)

 **A/N:** In this chapter Sirrah starts to revisit her past (hence Roots) and give some insight into what happened to her... Allez!

Chapter 12: Roots

 _My hair was blowing in the wind. It was long and dark and soft. I liked my hair even though my mother always bemoaned its brownness. In fact she bemoaned almost everything about my appearance. Most days it didn't bother me too much. Sometimes it bothered me a lot. The fact that she hated how I looked made me wonder sometimes if I was supposed to hate how it looked. She said my eyes were dull and brown. She said I was my face was angular and asymmetrial. She said my teeth weren't white enough. She said I was too fat. She said I didn't deserve to be her daughter._

 _I knew she was only angry that I wasn't my brother and that my brother wasn't me, but it still hurt. From the day I had been born I had been told about my perfect older brother. Perfect except for the fact that he couldn't do magic. My parents had only kept him for a day, and then they had given him away. They had put him up for adoption in the muggle system. I had never met him, but sometimes I felt like I had a little one-day old brother living with me._

 _He had been nine years older than me, which meant he was eighteen now. I wondered if he looked like Mother always described him. She told me he had, had the perfect pureblood hair – nearly white. He had, had perfect crystal blue eyes. His teeth had been white, and his face had been symmetrical. It was funny how a one-day year old baby could be prettier than me._

 _"Sirrah! Get in here! The Flints are coming over and you need to look presentable!" I climbed out of the tree and jumped to the ground. My feet hit the hard ground and I went running to my mother. She stood by the kitchen door of our house. She had beautiful golden hair that framed her face in soft waves. Her eyes were blue. Sometimes I wondered where my brown eyes had come from. She told me it was some repressed gene from my father's side of the family. I didn't know what that meant._

 _When I arrived in front of her she slapped me. Not too hard, but enough to make my face sting. I knew it would be a little red tomorrow. I also knew that she would charm it to look fine before I had to go to school._

 _"You're filthy!" She cried. "The Flints are going to think we raised you in a barn." I didn't say anything. Mother scared me, but Father scared me more. That was really the only emotion I was familiar with. I couldn't remember my parents ever saying I love you. I had heard the Flints say it to their baby son, and he couldn't even understand English yet. I envied him. The only really good memory I had of my parents wasn't even really a memory. It was just a feeling. It had to have been from when I was very young because all I could remember was warmth and love. Something red and something pink. That was all. Maybe once they had love me, but they had forgotten how. Maybe something had happened._

 _Mother grabbed my ear and dragged me inside. We passed my father in the sitting room and she looked at him for approval. She always did that. He nodded slightly at her. We continued with me down the hall until we arrived at my room. She practically threw me into the room and slammed the door shut._

 _"Get clean, look presentable!" She yelled through the large oak door. "Ugly little tyke." She muttered under her breath. She thought I couldn't hear her, but I could. I looked at my room and I sighed. Everything in our house was furnished very expensively, except for my room. I had a bed, and a trunk where I put my clothes. My brother's old room, which he had never even slept in, was furnished with a four-poster bed, a wardrobe, a Persian rug, and velvet drapes. I didn't even have a window._

 _I went to my trunk and pulled out a nice dress. It was old and it was too small, but it was the only dress that looked nice. When I put it on it squeezed my ribcage. The shoulders were so tiny they felt as if they would burst. The sleeves were almost up to my elbows. I reached into the trunk and pulled out a sweater that was too big. It would make me sweat because it was almost spring, but Mother wouldn't want the Flints to think I was raised in a barn._

 _I had dirt on my face so I went to the washbasin. There was a small tarnished mirror that I used to make sure I was clean. I took the small washrag out of the basin and began washing my face. I cleaned my feet as well, knowing Mother would check them. When I had finished I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked at my face. I pinched at my cheeks. I poked at my nose. I rubbed my stomach. I ran a hand through my hair. I imagined my eyes blue._

 _I turned away from the mirror. I wasn't ugly. It was just Mother's stupid words. I wasn't ugly._

 _I walked over to my trunk and pulled out the only pair of shoes I owned. They were black boots. They were scuffed up and the laces didn't really tie because they were frayed, but they were better than nothing. I slipped them on, foregoing socks because they were too small. Mother rapped on my door louder than necessary._

 _"Are you ready?" Her voice was rough._

 _"Ready." I said. She wrenched the door open and gave me a once over. She sighed._

 _"It will do." She grabbed my hand and dragged me down the hallway. When we arrived in the kitchen she flung me towards the stove. "Wait here until I call you." I did. I heard the Flints arrive and I sat patiently on the floor. I heard my mother cooing over their baby. I heard my father making conversation with their toddler. They were kind to the Flints children. Why was it so hard for them to be kind to me? Sometimes when I was alone in bed, I dreamed about running away. I dreamed about running into the woods and never coming back out again. I could live with wolves like Mogli or Romulus and Remus. Wolves always seemed to take care of children. They could take care of me._

 _"Sirrah dear? Why don't you come say 'hello' to our guests?"_

 _"Yes Mother!" I answered. I sprang up from the ground and came out of the kitchen. I went over to the sitting room and smiled brightly at the Flints._

 _"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Flint." I said politely._

 _"Hello Sirrah." Mrs. Flint said kindly. "It's so good to see you. We haven't seen you at play dates recently." I tried not to look at my mother. She would get mad at me._

 _"I have been sick." I said. Mother cut in._

 _"The poor girl has a very weak constitution. She is constantly in bed." Mrs. Flint looked worried._

 _"You should take her to St. Mungos. That sounds like it could be very dangerous for her health." I stared at the ground. Mother would blame this on me later._

 _"Oh I'm sure it's nothing truly dangerous. Besides she has been getting better. I'm sure she will be able to attend a play date this week in fact." Mother looked pointedly at Father._

 _"That's wonderful to hear." Mrs. Flint said. "We miss her beautiful face." My face got hot. Why did she call be beautiful? It would only make Mother angrier. Did she really think I was beautiful?_

 _"Oh I'm sure." Mother said. Her voice sounded sour._

 _"Shall we eat?" Father interjected. He could always sense a situation going south._

 _"Yes!" My Mother said smiling. "You all must be famished." The Flints nodded. I was famished. "Let us eat!" Mother said. "The house elves will be out shortly with out meal in the dining room." We went to the dining room and sat down. The toddler was sitting next to me. His name was Oliver. He was blonde and blue eyed. He ate like a rat. He just stuffed food in his face with his hands. I hated him._

 _"I'm Ollie." He said through a face full of food._

 _"Sirrah." I replied._

 _"How old are you?"_

 _"Nine."_

 _"I'm five. Papa says I'm a big boy now."_

 _"Yes I suppose so." I said. I hoped he would stop talking soon._

 _"Do you like Quidditch?" He asked._

 _"Not particularly."_

 _"I love Quidditch." He continued. "Papa said he's going to buy me a broom soon."_

 _"How lovely." I said quietly. I didn't have a broom yet._

 _"Are you going to go to Hogwarts?" He asked._

 _"I suppose so."_

 _"I'm going to go to Hogwarts too." He said._

 _"Ollie dear use a fork." His mother said. He stopped talking to me after that. He was too busy trying to use his fork._

 _After dinner we all sat in the sitting room. My eyes became heavy and I started to drift off. Oliver had drifted off ages ago. He now sat sleeping in his mother's lap. I felt my eyes slip. Suddenly I was sleeping._

 _"Sirrah!" Mother's voice. I snapped awake and looked up._

 _"Sorry." I said immediately. Mother's smile was frozen. I looked around. What was happening? The Flints were looking at me in horror. "What's wrong?" I asked._

 _"Your arm dear, what happened?" Mrs. Flint asked. My sweater had slipped off my shoulder and a dark purple bruise could be seen above my elbow. I slipped my sweater back on smoothly._

 _"I had a bad dream the other night. I fell out of bed." I said smoothly. "It hardly hurts anymore, it just looks bad." The Flints faces calmed._

 _"You poor dear." Mrs. Flint said pityingly. The adults went on speaking and I sat in my chair dreading the moment the Flints would leave. They did eventually leave. They said goodbye and hugged me. They said they were so glad they had come over. And then they walked out the door leaving me alone. Mother rounded on me, her eyes wild. She slapped me right in the face. This time it was very hard. She caught me eyes with her fingernail and I cried out._

 _"You insolent child!" She screamed. "Why I am cursed with you!" She looked to my Father._

 _"Put her in the cellar for punishment." He said. I began to cry. He always put me in the cellar. Mother dragged me into the kitchen and threw open the cellar door. She threw me down into the dank whole and slammed the door. They wouldn't let me out until morning._

I gasped, surfacing from the memory. I drew it out carefully with my wand and placed it into the Pensieve that I made a couple days ago. I had talked it over with Draco, and he had thought it would be good idea. I felt that if I could make the memories more real, I would stop ignoring them. I wiped a tear from my eye. I hadn't thought about my childhood in ages. It felt like a million years ago. I knew that my childhood had determined who I had become, but I had felt like I could still suppress those memories. For some reason those memories were especially poignant for me. It was a part of my life that I didn't wish anyone to know about.

I stepped away from the Pensieve and ran a hand through my hair. I think the reason I didn't like thinking about my childhood was that I didn't want to be that little girl anymore. I didn't want to be that frightened child who had to measure her every move. I didn't want to be the heartless, mindless girl who had worked for Voldemort either. I didn't know who I wanted to be. I just knew I didn't want to be them.

With Narcissa's permission I had put the Pensieve in an unoccupied bedroom down the hall from the suite the twins and I now shared. The suite had been Draco's, but since it was larger he had given it up for us. I walked out of the spare room feeling dazed, and ran into Lucius. He gave me a nasty look and continued down the hallway. Since our confrontation in the sitting room he had not spoken to me.

"Sirrah! Come say goodbye to the twins!" Narcissa's voice called to me. Narcissa was a mother to us all. I came down the stairs quickly and enveloped the twins in a warm hug. They were going to spend the day at the burrow with Ginny and Harry. Ginny had offered because she liked the twins and they liked her. We all thought it would be a good opportunity for them to get out of the Manor for a bit.

"See you tomorrow." I said smiling. They looked slightly frightened, but also slightly excited.

"See you tomorrow." They echoed. Narcissa took them to the floo and smiled at me.

"Draco is in the kitchen, dear. I think he is the only one awake. I will join you for breakfast when I return." She smiled and they disappeared into the fireplace. I went to the kitchen and found Draco in his normal spot. He sat facing the window, drinking a cup of tea, and reading the Daily Prophet.

"Look who made the cover this morning." He said coolly. I glanced at the newspaper and the moving picture jumped out violently at me. A shiny, black dragon broke from its restraints and went about wreaking havoc on a camp.

"Where's that?" I asked.

"Romania, no less."

"What a shame." I said. He turned to look at me and squinted.

"Are you quite alright? You seem a bit distracted." I blinked.

"Oh, just caught in thought I guess."

"Hmm." The silence stretched between us. "Did you use the Pensieve this morning?"

"Yes, how did you know?"

"You're just a bit… down."

"Yes." Was all I said. I hoped he wouldn't ask about the memories. "Draco?"

"Hmm?" He was back reading the paper.

"Would you, would you tell me your story?" He looked up, with one eyebrow raised.

"Why would you want to hear that?"

"I just, I don't know where I'm going."

"How do you mean?" He asked, putting the Prophet down.

"You remember what you said about building a dream?"

"Yes."

"I don't have one." He shrugged.

"It can take a lifetime to build a dream."

"But, I don't have anything. I don't have any ambition or hopes. I don't even know who I want to be. I only know who I don't want to be." He nodded slowly.

"I see." He said quietly.

"Can you help me?"

"I can't help you build your dream, if that's what you're asking. Then it wouldn't be your dream."

"I know, but couldn't you help me find out who I want to be? Two heads are better than one."

"They are." He said smiling slightly. "Well I guess we should start with a fairly simple question, what do you enjoy?" It was eerily similar to the question I had asked the twins.

"I don't know."

"What did you enjoy, as a kid?"

"I don't know." I repeated. Enjoyment hadn't been high on my priority list as a child.

"Really, nothing _ever_ that you remember enjoying?" I tried to think back.

"Flying." I said shrugging. "I played Quidditch at Hogwarts." A smile grew on his face.

"I forgot about that. You were a Chaser right?" I nodded. "Okay you liked flying, what else?" I looked at him incredulous.

"What do you mean 'what else'? It was hard enough for me to find that one thing." He leaned forward smiling.

"Do you want to find you what your dream is or not?" I looked at him annoyed.

"Okay." I paused to think. "I liked Care of Magical Creatures."

"You did not."

"I did actually."

"That is _definitely_ a lie." He said. I laughed a little.

"No, I'm completely serious. I really did like that class."

"Nobody liked that class."

"I think really only you didn't like it." I raised an eyebrow. He shook his head.

"Alright, what else?" I continued to think and I began to frown.

"What?" He asked. "You just got all gloomy." I looked down.

"I used to enjoy the Dark Arts. Back before I really knew what they were. My Father started teaching me when I was very young. I was a natural. I enjoyed the ease with which it came to me. I was actually good at something." He looked at me sadly.

"You know the Dark Arts aren't necessarily evil." He said searching for my eyes. I avoided them.

"The name itself connotes evil." I said bitterly.

"The Dark Arts can be used for good." He said.

"But who has ever used them for good? Voldemort certainly didn't. I didn't."

"You have to stop pitying yourself." He said suddenly. I looked up surprised.

"What?"

"You were good at the Dark Arts? So what? Is that who you are? You've already told me that you don't want to be who you used to be, and that to me means that the Dark Arts don't define you anymore. Move on." He ended gently.

"I guess…" I trailed off trying to find the words. "I guess I just convinced myself that because I was good at the Dark Arts that meant I was somehow evil."

"It doesn't work like that." He said quietly. "Just because someone is good at healing magic doesn't mean they're an angel."

"I guess." I said. "So now what?" I asked.

"Well we found some things you enjoy, and some things you were fairly good at. What could you do with them?"

"I can't be a professional Quidditch player if that's what you're saying." He laughed.

"That's not what I'm saying, what I'm saying is you should do something that you enjoy."

"I don't know." I said softly. "I like children." I said tentatively. He nodded.

"As do I. The twins adore you as well." I smiled shyly.

"I adore them."

"Perhaps you could work with children. There are plenty of families I know that need tutors for their children before Hogwarts."

"Would they really hire a former Death Eater?"

"I know some who would be open to the possibility. That is what this whole program is about you know. We want you to eventually be out on your own. Your life is supposed to be spent out there. Not at Malfoy Manor." He said smiling.

"That's a start." I got up and gave him a quick hug. "Thank you."

"It was no trouble at all." He said kindly.

"I know you only did it to avoid telling me your story though." I winked at him.

"For another time." He said smirking.

"I'm back!" Narcissa called through the sitting room. "I hope you all are ready to have a spectacular day."

"We'll have to wake up Ellen and Jasper first." I called back.

"They're still asleep?" She asked. "Well I guess I had better get them up." I smiled.

"I guess."


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry.

 **A/N:** This chapter's title is a song by José Gonzalez. It's great.

Chapter 13: Stay Alive

 _"We can still topple them if we kill the boy with the scar." Bellatrix said, her hair in disarray around her shoulders. She paced in front of the last of the Death Eaters. Only the most faithful were left of course. There were only a couple dozen of us. I sat with my hands in my lap, fiddling with my wand. Bellatrix had been badly wounded in the Battle of Hogwarts, she had somehow escaped with her life, but not with her dignity. All she could thing about, all the time, was killing Harry Potter. The boy who had destroyed the only person she had ever loved, even if had been in a very twisted way._

 _"Sirrah!" She shouted. My ears rang with the sound. I stood up and bowed at the waist._

 _"Yes, my lady." I said, barely louder than a whisper. Somehow after the death of the Dark Lord, we had went on to call her the lady._

 _"I want you to come with me to London. We will kill him together." Her eyes were alight with a glow I recognized. She would have her way with this. She would kill him if it was the last thing she did. I supposed she wanted me to sound excited about this. I bowed again, attempting an evil smile._

 _"Of course my lady." She smiled._

 _"While we are there we can kill those scumbag traitors, the Malfoys." She spit on the ground at their name. When The Malfoys had left the Death Eater's Bellatrix had been livid for days. She had practically killed everything in her sight. She screamed loudly now all the time. When the Dark Lord had died she had screamed for days. It now seemed a regular occurrence. We had all silently accepted the ear-piercing screams that resounded through the walls of our fortress. She was going mad, with what, we didn't know. The fortress was an old haunt of Death Eater's from the first war. It seemed the ministry had never discovered it._

 _Bellatrix stepped towards me and grabbed my hair. She grabbed it roughly and brought my face right up to hers. She was definitely insane._

 _"Prove your loyalty!" She screamed. I wanted to cower, but I knew I could not, if I wanted to survive. Bellatrix was surely not as powerful as the Dark Lord had been, but she certainly was freer with the killing curse, if that was possible._

 _"How would you like me to prove my loyalty to you?" I asked. Her eyes were wild. She cackled, letting go of my hair. She took her wand out of her pocket. At first I thought she wanted me to duel her. I almost laughed at the thought. She knew I was a much better dueler. The dark arts came to me as easily as breathing did to others._

 _"A tracking spell." She said smiling. It wasn't really a smile, more of a raising of her lips. It was feral. I bowed yet again. She seemed to like it. "I will put a spell on your wand so that I can always tell when you are doing magic, and where you are doing it." She held out her hand, opening it and closing it. "Give it to me." She said, eyes wide. I held out my wand and dropped it in her palm._

 _She closed her fingers around it and cackled again. "What is it made of?" She asked, peering at me. She was getting older. This year in hiding from the ministry had not made her any younger. She was looking weaker by the day, but none of us would ever say it to her._

 _"Ash wood." I said._

 _"The core?" She asked._

 _"Thestral tail hair." I said. She laughed._

 _"Death, death, death! I will kill the Potter boy! I will!" She paced around. "We go tonight!" I nodded and bowed again before sitting down. My parents were watching Bellatrix in a trance. I knew she had them under the imperius – since practically the beginning of the war. It didn't bother me that much. In fact they were much more agreeable now._

That had actually been one of my better memories of the war. For me the war hadn't ended with the Battle of Hogwarts and the death of Voldemort. It had continued on until the day I turned myself into the ministry.

"Sirrah! Come look at the tomatoes!" I smiled at Romeo's voice. It had been almost six weeks since we welcomed the twins into the house, and the garden was doing marvelously. Assured, there weren't any actual tomatoes yet, but there were tomato sprouts. I looked out the window of the spare bedroom.

"Coming!" I called out my open window. The room's large, ornate windows overlooked the garden we had recently planted. I raced down the stairs and went into the kitchen. I went out the kitchen door to the back of the house where the garden was. Romeo was sitting in the dirt with his tomato sprouts. Valentine was sitting in the grass beside him grinning. Their smiles were still few and far between, but they were slowly becoming more frequent. Summer was approaching, as were their tenth birthdays. There had been some talk of brooms.

After my talk with Draco several weeks ago I had started to seriously consider a job tutoring children. Draco had even looked into some possible candidates for me. Things were looking up.

Romeo held a particular sprout in his hand and looked up at me with his chocolate eyes.

"Look at it!" He exclaimed. I knelt down beside him.

"Beautiful!" I exclaimed. Ellen came out of the kitchen holding a tray of sweet tea.

"Look what I made!" She said. She brought the tray to us and we took the tea thankfully. It was starting to get hot. We watched the late-afternoon sun begin to make its descent. Romeo looked up at us his expression serious.

"Do we have a meeting tonight?" He asked. Ellen smiled sadly.

"Unfortunately." She said. "You guys don't have to talk if you don't want to." She said reassuringly.

"Of course not." I interjected. Valentine bit her lip.

"I'm not sure why we have to come to the meeting's. We weren't even five yet when Voldemort came back. I have no memories of him." She said. I sighed. It was still a sore point for most of us that the ministry had put the twins in the program.

"I know." I said rubbing her shoulder. "It is unfair, but the ministry demands it." She wrinkled her nose.

"I also hate those lectures we have to listen to. They're so boring." I squeezed her hand.

"I know." She looked up at me.

"The ministry will let us go to Hogwarts right?" She said.

"Yes." I said. "If they don't, I'll make sure they do." Ellen raised her eyebrows.

"That made sense."

"Don't mock." I said smiling.

"Harry's here!" Draco shouted from inside. Valentine sighed heavily. Meetings had become a lot less stressful for me since I created the Pensieve. I felt able to talk more freely about what had happened to me. Jasper still struggled with speaking about what happened for him, even more so now, because of the twins presence. It made him uneasy to talk about what he had done, with them listening. They held him in very high regard, and he didn't want to lose their trust and respect. I assured him over and over again that nothing could shake their love of him, but he doubted it.

We filed into the kitchen and then onto the living room. Narcissa smiled as we came in. I sat on the couch with the twins and Ellen sat on her usual stool. Harry was looking tired as ever. Ginny was due for the end of December and I knew that everything was weighing on him. I also knew that my paperwork had made it through the system. Finally. I was due to talk to a head auror soon about the remaining Death Eaters. I knew that wouldn't be easy. Harry seemed to know as well, and had been holding it off for a couple weeks now. I knew it would be soon now.

Harry started the meeting off as he usually did. He just talked about how busy he had been lately and the ongoing battle with the ministry over the twins. He smiled at them reassuringly when he spoke about it. The twins were a little wary of Harry, but they still liked him. They liked Ginny a lot. They loved her red hair. Mrs. Avery went next. She talked about having children in the house again. She actually opened up a lot more than she usually did.

"It just brings back a lot of memories of my children." She said sadly. "Voldemort killed them during the war. They were Death Eaters, but tried to defect towards the end of the war." She sighed and tears came to her eyes. "They were the loveliest things. My darling Luke was the kindest man you would ever meet." Tears started to pour down her face and her voice got weak. It was one of the saddest things I had ever seen. Romeo was very sensitive and I could see this was having an affect on him. "He just, he couldn't hurt anything. When Voldemort asked him to hurt people, he just couldn't." I looked down. Luke must have been a very good man. "He would have rather died than hurt anyone. I just," She burst into sobs. "I love him more than anything. And Anneleise. She was so beautiful and creative, but she was born blind. Voldemort treated her so horribly, and I never did anything about it. He killed her too." She said sobbing. Romeo had tears flowing down his face as well. I gripped his hand tightly. "I miss them." She said, her voice hollow. Mr. Avery gripped her hands in his. There were some tears in his eyes. Next Ellen spoke.

"I suppose everything brings me back to Mary. Valentine reminds me so much of her." That was all she said that night. Next I went.

"I've been trying to think over what happened during the war a lot more now." I said. "I know I have to so I've been putting the memories in a Pensieve, like you all know. I put the second memory in today. It wasn't a particularly bad memory, but it was still hard. It was when Bellatrix told me she was bringing me along on her mission to kill Harry." Harry looked up surprised. He hadn't known about that. Of course the mission had failed, but I wasn't surprised he didn't know about it. Bellatrix had covered her tracks well.

"Bellatrix assumed Voldemort's place after the war and that was hard for a lot of us. She was going mad, and she just took out all her anger on us, all the time. She would just scream and sometimes it made me feel mad." I took a deep breath and Romeo squeezed my hand. "Voldemort may have been evil, but Bellatrix was just unbearable." The others looked at me pityingly. None of them had been under the reign of Bellatrix. They had all left before then. Jasper opted not to speak, and so Draco went next. He looked just as tired, if not more so that Harry. He had been going into the office a lot more than three times a month.

"I've been very busy lately." We all sort of laughed at that. That had been pretty obvious. "Bellatrix and her cronies have started terrorizing some people in the south of England. The aurors have been hard pressed to stop her. She always seems to get away right before they get there. Her followers have started defecting in larger numbers thankfully. Unfortunately this seems to only make her lust for blood greater." It made me sad to here that. I had hoped Bellatrix would admit defeat at some point. I sighed. I actually felt a little bad for her sometimes. The Malfoys ended with some stuff about bad dreams and then Harry was closing us.

"Alright, good meeting." Harry said. "Don't forget you have a lecture tomorrow." The twins groaned. Draco grinned at them. He was a natural with them.

"Don't look so glum! I hear he's going to be speaking on the history of the goblin wars. I think it's supposed to be three hours long." The twins groaned louder and he ruffled their hair. "I'm just kidding," He said smiling. Narcissa smiled at her son and I smiled at her.

"Alright everyone." Narcissa said standing. "Time for dinner. I made a roast tonight." Everyone smiled. "Harry can you stay tonight?" She asked. He smiled at her.

"I invited Ginny over actually. I hope that wasn't too forward." She shook her head.

"Not at all. I'm very glad you did that. We need to speak about baby names." She said winking. Harry laughed.

"Don't get too excited about that. She has her heart set on James."

"That's a lovely name." Narcissa said. "But I was thinking Narciso would be nice." We all laughed at that. We all knew that Narcissa had the male counterpart of her name.

We filtered into the dining room and sat down at the table while Draco and Narcissa brought the food out. It was their turn to make dinner tonight. The twins and I were making it tomorrow night. Lucius sat at the head of the table. He looked positively awful tonight. Whatever was ailing him seemed to be getting worse but, no one would tell me what it was. Maybe they didn't know. His skin was paler than ever, almost translucent. His eyes were sallow and they looked as if they had sunken into his head. He kept losing weight, as if he had weight to lose, and his hands were continually shaking.

Ginny arrived shortly and she was fawning over the twins as usual. She just loved them to death. If we let her, she would have spoiled them rotten. She sat down next to Harry and kissed his cheek fondly.

"You look tired dear." She said softly. I was sitting right across from them so I saw his desolate face.

"The work never ends." He said sadly. She kissed him lightly on the lips.

"I know."

"Voila!" Draco declared as he walked into the room with the roast. "Quite possibly the most delicious meal I have ever made." He served us all and the twins squealed in delight when he turned their pork purple. He winked at me. "I've heard it's good for the eyes."

Dinner was wonderful, and not just because of the food. People were in good spirits. The twins seemed to raise everyone's. They made everything better in my opinion. I was certain I wasn't alone in thinking that. In fact it seemed the only person who wasn't fond of the twins was Lucius. But honestly that wasn't surprising.

We were just finishing up when a knocking started on the front door. Draco looked up.

"Are we expecting anyone?" He asked.

"I don't think so." Narcissa said. "I'll go check." Lucius put a hand on his wife's arm.

"I'll get it." He said. That seemed a little unnecessary, but he insisted on getting the door. The room seemed to fall silent as he went to go get the door. He opened the door and greeted whoever was there warmly.

"So good to see you." He said.

"So good to see you Lucius." The voice at the door sent my blood cold and my heart racing. I pulled out my wand just before the room exploded into chaos. Death Eaters apparated all around us and Lucius walked into the room with Bellatrix. She smiled at us all evilly.

"I'm so glad all my enemies gathered together in one room, so I could kill them all easily." She said. "Let's start with the boy with the scar." She said smiling. "If that's agreeable to everyone?" She looked around the room at us and began to cackle.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or anything you recognize.

Chapter 14: Too Late

"Avada Kedavara!" Bellatrix screamed. Harry dodged it and the other Death Eaters attacked. The twins screamed and I shoved them under the table.

"Stay hidden!" I hissed. Jasper had turned into a bear and he was attacking two Death Eaters. I whipped around looking for something useful to do. Everyone seemed to be dueling. Even Lucius was dueling Narcissa. It was hard to bear. Ginny seemed to be holding her own even with the baby, but Harry didn't seem to be faring well against Bellatrix. I knew she was the better dueler. I rushed to his aid. Bellatrix was screaming at the top of her lungs. When she saw me join the fray she bared her teeth at me.

"Traitor!" She screamed. "I trusted you."

"Your mistake." I said. Harry moved on to help Ginny, and at some point it was just me, dueling Bellatrix. She threw curses almost faster than I could block them. I hadn't used any dark magic yet, of which I was proud of myself for. I had only blocked her. I felt sweat dripping down my face. Bellatrix didn't even look fazed.

"If you only block me you will never beat me!" She screamed. I didn't say anything. I was too concentrated on the duel. Suddenly a shrill scream pierced the air. I whipped around to see Romeo hanging from a Death Eaters arms. At that I gave up not using the dark arts. I cursed him until he was no longer standing upright. Romeo dropped to the ground and looked at me in awe. The danger may have been over for him, but unfortunately it wasn't over for me. Before I could turn around again Bellatrix cursed me.

"Crucio!" I fell to the ground and my wand rolled away. I screamed in pain, and writhed on the floor. Bellatrix cackled loudly.

"Your soft spot for the Yaxley twins betrays you!" She yelled. "Maybe I'll curse them next." Through the pain I was filled with rage. She dared to threaten the twins. It may have been my imagination, but it seemed when she said that, that everyone started to fight back harder. Jasper especially went crazy.

"Crucio!" She yelled louder. The pain was unbearable. Tears flowed down my cheeks.

Finally Draco attacked her and she stopped using the cruciatus curse on me. I curled up into a ball on the floor, unable to move. Romeo and Valentine rushed to me. I shook my head at them.

"You, you have to get away." I panted breathless. They shook their heads.

"We wont leave you." Romeo said in tears.

"You have to floo to the ministry." I panted out. "Get, Ron Weasley." I knew he didn't like us, but he wouldn't leave his sister here.

"Expecto Patronum!" I heard Harry shout. Good, he was calling help.

"We can't leave you." Valentine said sobbing.

"Go." I said. "Get to the ministry." I pushed them away and they ran into the other room. Too late. A Death Eater lay in wait for them, and brought them struggling back into the room.

"Everyone freeze or the kids get it!" Bellatrix's shrill voice cut through the pandemonium. Everyone froze. "Drop. Your. Wands." Bellatrix said. She tilted her head to the side and laughed. "Do it now!" She screamed. Everyone dropped their wands. I struggled to stand, but she came over to me and kicked me solidly in the face. I cried out like a wounded dog, and fell back to the ground. She gripped my hair and dragged me up onto the dining room table.

"I changed my mind." She hissed. "I want you to die first."

"Sirrah!" Romeo screamed. Bellatrix laughed at his pleas.

"But first, a little entertainment?" She asked.

"Please." I said.

"Begging? I like it. Do it again." She ordered.

"Please." I said again.

"Please WHAT?" She asked. She gripped my hair harder, practically tearing it off my scalp.

"Please don't torture me in front of them." I said through gritted teeth. She laughed.

"What? Afraid they'll become more damaged then they already are? _That's_ fairly impossible." She looked at me. "Well, I liked you begging, but you haven't convinced me. Crucio!" She pointed her wand at me again, and the pain started. At some point it felt like nothing. I could feel myself starting to numb. My mind started to dull. Just when I thought I couldn't stand it any more she stopped. I was left panting. I fell off the table, completely limp.

"Sirrah!" Romeo screamed again. I heard him sobbing.

"Alright. I've grown tired of this game." Bellatrix said rolling her eyes. "Avada – " She never finished. Aurors flew into the house surrounding the Death Eaters. Romeo cheered. Bellatrix sighed. Then she disapparated away. Some of the other Death Eaters disapparated away, but most were engaged with the aurors who had just arrived. I lay on the floor watching Lucius Malfoy. He continued to duel Narcissa. Narcissa's face was hard.

She was a master of nonverbal casting, and she was completely silent as she dueled her husband. I wanted to get up and help her, but I could hardly breathe. I felt as if I might never get up again. My mind felt completely shattered. In fact, I wasn't even in complete control of my body. I felt drool pooling at my lip. Narcissa continued to duel Lucius. Then it happened.

It must have been quick, but it felt like an eternity. Lucius raised his wand and brought it down with particular force. He spoke the curse and Narcissa's eyes widened. The green curse hit her square in the chest. I screamed, louder than I ever had. Even after she had fallen to the ground, and I could see that she was dead, I didn't stop screaming.

Lucius apparated away just before Draco got to him. Tears streamed down Draco's face as he ran to his mother. He hugged her body to his chest and rocked back and forth. They always did that. I never knew why. It was as if when someone died they reverted back to being a newborn babe, who needed to be rocked back and forth.

The rest of the Death Eaters had been defeated and now the aurors were trying to help us to St. Mungos. They either took us by floo, or used side-along apparation. An auror picked me up and apparated with me. When we got to St. Mungos they rushed me into a room. Ellen was there with a cut on her arm explaining what had happened.

"Bellatrix used the cruciatus curse on her." She said through tears. I felt as if I was floating above my body.

"How long?" The healer asked grimly. Ellen sobbed.

"It must have been at least ten minutes." She said. The healer shook her head.

"We'll see what we can do, but there might be permanent damage." Ellen sobbed and collapsed into a chair beside me. She gripped my hand. I wanted to tell her it would be all right, but I was so tired. I closed my eyes. I was so tired.

I felt them working in my mind. It felt odd, but it felt nice. It felt as if they were attempting to put back the shattered pieces. I wasn't sure if they would succeed, but I hoped they would.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

Chapter 15: Down the Line

When I woke up I felt the warmth of someone holding my hand. That was the first thing I noticed. Actually both my hands were being held. I opened my eyes and looked at my hands. Romeo was holding one, and Valentine was holding the other. A doctor walked into the room, and my heart started to beat so fast, I thought it might burst. I wanted to scream. I took my hands and put my head in my hands. Then I did scream. Other people came into my room. The memory of red-hot pain flashed through my mind. I screamed. Someone came to me and sat on the bed. They grabbed my hands.

"Sirrah! Sirrah, it's all right. It's Draco! You're in St. Mungos, you're safe. Bellatrix isn't here." I screamed at the sound of her name. He took my head in his hands and looked into my eyes.

"Sirrah, it's all right." He said looking into my eyes. I concentrated on his gray eyes until I didn't feel like I needed to scream anymore. Then I started to cry.

"I'm sorry." I said. "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me." Draco looked at me grimly. The other people in the room looked just as grim as him.

"The healer's said it's normal. You were exposed to the cruciatus curse for a very long time. The effect on your mind has been extremely damaging. They are still trying to heal it." He said. They will start the second stage of the treatment tomorrow."

"Second stage?" I echoed.

He nodded sadly. His eyes were sympathetic and I could hardly take it. I took a deep shuddering breath. Suddenly I remembered Narcissa.

"Where's Narcissa?" I asked, my voice shrill. Draco's eyes filled with tears.

"Sirrah, do you remember?" He asked tentatively.

"No," I said in disbelief. "No, she's not dead. No!" I screamed. My head filled with screams and pain and I curled up into a ball.

"Everyone out!" I heard an unfamiliar voice shout.

"Let me stay." I heard Draco say calmly. I didn't hear the other person respond. But I felt the cool touch of the healers in my mind. I drifted off.

When I awoke again it was night. The dark scared me. I reached for my wand under my pillow, but it wasn't there. I started to scream, but someone turned on the lights. Draco was there.

"Shh." He said. "It's okay. Everything will be okay." I curled back up in bed, and stared up at the lights.

"Don't turn them off again." I said staring at them. "I need them."

"Okay, Sirrah." He said. He stood vigil by my bedside. It wasn't always Draco. I wasn't sure how much time passed, of just me sitting in that bed.

One day I woke up and I felt okay. I felt like Sirrah again. That day Draco sat by my bedside. He was reading a copy of the Daily Prophet.

"Draco?" I asked quietly. He looked up. His eyes were red from fatigue, and dark circles lined his eyes.

"Yes Sirrah?"

"Where are the twins?"

"Would you like to see them?" He asked. I nodded. "I'll get them. They are outside." I nodded again. He came back in with the twins hot on his heels. They ran towards me and I sat up. I opened my arms to hug them and I hugged them tightly.

"I'm so glad you are okay." I said into their hair.

"Are you better?" Romeo asked quietly.

"I think so." I said. "I feel better now." I looked up at Draco. "How long have they been trying to fix me?"

"About a week and a half." He said grimly. "They were able to fix your mind as well as they could." I swallowed.

"Do they think I will make a full recovery?" He pressed his lips together.

"They think they have made a full recovery on your mind for now. They're unsure about possible long-term damages."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"They are unsure if the changes they made will stay over time." I took a deep breath. I hugged the twins tighter.

"I'm all right." I whispered to them. I hoped it was true. "When can I go home?" I asked.

"Whenever you feel up to it." He said quietly.

"Can we go now?" I asked. He nodded. He took Romeo by the hand and I took Valentine.

"Let's go." We had to check out, but once we had gotten all the paperwork in order Draco led us to the floo. We went back to Malfoy Manor. When we stepped into the living room I looked into the dining room. It looked as if it had never happened. I gulped. Ellen ran into the room and rushed towards me. She enveloped me in a very large hug and Jasper soon joined her. Jasper looked tired and stressed. He had changed into his animagus form during the fight. That couldn't have been easy for him. They squeezed me tight and I laughed.

"Good to see you too." I said. "Where is everyone?" I asked. Ellen's eyes dropped.

"The Avery's are upstairs." Suddenly I realized that everyone else was in this room. Lucius was no doubt in Azkaban, and Narcissa was…. I couldn't bear think about Narcissa.

"Are Harry and Ginny all right?" I asked. Ellen nodded.

"They are fine." I nodded. I sighed, searching for the right words. Finally, I just blurted out what I needed to say.

"What happened? How did this happen?" I asked. Draco sighed.

"We had all better sit down." He said. We all sat down in the living room, even the twins, and he began. "My Father was working with Bellatrix, under the Imperius curse." That made a lot of sense. "She had been working for months to try and infiltrate Malfoy Manor. She knew that Harry came here often. She only needed to find a way to get the wards down so they could apparate here, and actually get on the premises. I had set up a lot of very specific wards. I actually named all the Death Eaters and put up wards prohibiting them from entering. We made a lot of enemies when we defected. Bellatrix somehow found a way to take them down using my Father and she was able to come to Malfoy Manor, with the other Death Eaters." He looked down. "I think you know what happened after that."

"I'm so sorry Draco, about Narcissa." Draco closed his eyes.

"Me too." He said softly. Ellen put a hand on his shoulder.

"Lucius?" I asked. Draco sighed.

"Bellatrix killed him."

"I'm sorry." I said again. It was a stupid thing to say, but I didn't know what else to say. I hadn't known Narcissa well, but she had been the mother figure everyone needed. Without her it felt, empty. "What happens now?" I asked.

"Well Bellatrix got away, and so did about five of the other Death Eaters. We aren't sure how many more there are still in hiding. Harry is putting together a team to hunt down the rest – once and for all." I only had to think about it for a second.

"I want to join the team. I know Bellatrix better than anyone. I can find her." Draco nodded.

"Okay, I'll tell Harry."

"Let us come too." Ellen said, gesturing to Jasper and her. "We can help."

"What about us?" Romeo asked.

"You can stay with Ginny." Draco said. "Because if all of you are going, I'm coming as well." Jasper smiled.

"I can't wait to see Bellatrix's face when we put her in Azkaban for the rest of her life." I laughed mirthlessly. I couldn't wait either. It would be priceless. Romeo yawned softly.

"When will you take us to Ginny?" He asked through the yawn. I looked at Draco.

"Tomorrow, first thing. Then we'll join Harry. How does that sound?" He asked, picking Romeo up.

"Perfect." Romeo said through another yawn. I helped Valentine up, and we filed up the stairs to our room. The master suite was right at the top of the stairs right next to the master suite that used to be Narcissa's and Lucius'. My heart tugged violently in my chest. I turned away from it and turned to our room. There was a tiny plaque on it that said 'Sirrah, Romeo and Valentine'. Draco opened the door and settled Romeo in the queen size bed he and Valentine shared. I helped Valentine into bed and waited for Draco to leave. He stood in the door and turned back to me.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked me.

"Entirely." He sighed.

"You've just been through a very traumatic experience, don't you think some down time is warranted?" The light from the hallway behind him made his hair look like it was glowing.

"I just want to make sure Romeo and Valentine are safe. They will never be safe if Bellatrix isn't behind bars." He nodded.

"Okay."

"Good night."

"Good night." I got into my twin size bed and fell asleep almost instantly. Romeo only woke up twice that night. Both times he was screaming Bellatrix's name.

In the morning I woke up long before the twins were even stirring. Long before anyone was really stirring. Outside the sun was still low on the horizon and the sky was overcast with dark clouds. I went to the Pensieve. I had decided that I should put one last memory into Pensieve before I left. We didn't know how long we would be gone and it wasn't as if I could take it with me. I searched through my memories until I found one that would be suitable. Nothing too upsetting. Nothing where I had to see Voldemort.

 _"Sirrah!" Bellatrix hissed. I stood up quickly from the dirt floor. Her eyes were wild and it must have been at least three in the morning. I was tired beyond belief and I was so cold I could hardly feel my toes._

 _"He just passed, I want you to follow. Find out where his flat is! If you fail me again, you will be sorry." Her eyes were alight. She was gaunt and pale. I was hoping that if we kept up like this for long enough it might kill her. She got weaker everyday. I never saw her eat, I hardly saw her sleep. This hunt for the boy with the scar was killing her. Unfortunately, it was killing me as well. "Go!" She hissed. I stumbled out of our little hovel where we had been hiding out. I saw the boy with the scar walk by and I slipped behind him._

 _I followed him for what seemed like an hour. We were in muggle London. Why he had a flat there I had no idea. Perhaps to throw people like us off the scent. He passed under a street lamp and I saw his fatigue in the way he carried himself. His arms were limp at his sides and his head bent low._

 _I pulled my cloak tighter around me. The cold was almost unbearable. London was already unbearably dreary, in the winter it was only more so. Suddenly he stopped. I halted and darted into the nearest alley. It wouldn't do for him to spot me. Not with my face plastered on all those 'wanted' signs. He pulled something out of his pocket and glanced at it. A watch. After that he picked up his pace, and I was hard pressed to keep up with him. My breath came in short, quick bursts, and my side ached. I was malnourished and tired. If Bellatrix wanted to actually kill the boy with the scar she was going to have to keep us healthier._

 _Finally he stopped._

 _It was a nice flat. It looked old but new. It had a certain Victorian charm, but it was clean. Large, white stairs led up to a red door sandwiched in between two large windows. There were window boxes containing little ferns in front of the windows. There was a light on inside. I knew who was up waiting for him. He skipped up the steps and rapped on the door. The door opened almost immediately and light spilled out onto the empty street._

 _Hands reached out to wrap around his neck. Red hair and freckled skin enveloped him._

 _"I was worried." She whispered. He kissed her head._

 _"I'm here now."_

 _"I'm glad you are." They stepped into the perfect little flat, and the door closed behind them. The street was left in darkness and I was left feeling hollow. I had discovered his flat weeks ago. I knew where it was. I knew exactly how to get in. I knew all the wards that protected it. And I knew who lived inside it. It was only a matter of time before Bellatrix found out I was lying to her. I walked down a couple of streets back the way I had came and then I apparated to Bellatrix. I didn't want her to know where the flat was._

 _She looked up with a feral look on her face._

 _"Well?" She snapped._

 _"I lost him." I said. She slapped my face. It stung, but it didn't hurt too bad._

 _"Imbecile." She said. "I'll follow him myself next time." I planned on it. I needed him to know that Bellatrix knew where he lived. After that I was gone. I would run away, hopefully never to be seen again._

I gasped when I came-to. The empty room made me feel alone so I quickly went back to the suite. The twins were still sleeping, but they woke in a fright when I came in.

"What's wrong?" Romeo asked.

"Nothing." I said trying to smile. Romeo looked at me odd.

"Alright." He said. They got out of bed quickly and started getting ready. I helped them pack small bags and they helped me pack my bag. I made sure to pack my wand. They were making an exception to the 'no wands rule outside of the manor' because we were going to being fighting against Death Eaters. If we didn't have wands we might as well just surrender now.

We weren't sure how long it would take to catch Bellatrix. It might be a month or two before I would see them again. When they were ready we flooed to the Burrow, where Ginny would be staying while Harry was away. Molly Weasley was more than happy to welcome the twins into her home, but the same could not be said of Ron Weasley, who was still living in his parent's house. He wouldn't even greet them when we entered the house. I gave as cold a stare as I could muster. Even though he had tried to get my soul sucked out of my body I couldn't hate him that much. Besides, he was on the team.

I took the twins up to the room they would be staying in. It was at the very top of the Burrow and you could see everything around for miles, which wasn't much to be honest. As I started to say my goodbyes Romeo and Valentine started to get teary eyes. Romeo was full on bawling by the time Draco and the others had come up to say goodbye.

Romeo hugged my legs tearfully.

"When will you be back?" He asked, sobbing. I knelt down on the floor, so I could look him in the eyes.

"I'll be back before you turn ten." I said. He nodded. Their birthday was on August tenth. I figured we would most likely be back before then. If we weren't... I kissed his head.

"I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too." I whispered. Valentine was trying desperately not to cry, but when she came to hug me tears started to flow down her cheeks.

"You have to come back." She said softly. "You are our family now. Without you we'll be lost again." She said. I kissed her ear.

"I'm coming back." I said. "We're all coming back." I knew we would all come back. We had to.

We left the Burrow around noon and we apparated to the Ministry where we would meet the rest of the team. Harry was waiting for us and we went into his official auror office to meet everyone. Other than the four former Death Eaters and Ron Weasley, there were only three other people on the team. Neville Longbottom, Hermione Granger and Seamus Finnigan. I felt like I was back at Hogwarts. When we walked into the room all eyes were on us. Seamus Finnigan's lips curled.

"What are they doing here?" Jasper bristled at his words. I put a hand on his arm. He un-bristled.

"I told you," Harry said sounding ragged. "They're joining the team. I've assembled the best and bravest team of people I know to catch Bellatrix. You _will_ get along."

"Don't you think this team should be made up of, you know? Aurors?" Ron Weasley finally spoke up. "Or at least people who qualify as brave?" He sneered at us, and this time I was the one bristling. "I believe I remember the quality of Sytherin's being cunning, not brave." Seamus snickered.

"I seem to remember Gryffindor's were supposed to be brave, but right now the only traits I can detect are immaturity and idiocy." Jasper retorted hotly. Harry put his head in his hands.

"When I said you would get along, this isn't what I meant." He said, but Ron was already talking over him.

"I seem to remember you fought for Voldemort during the war." Ron yelled. The room was silent. Harry looked at Ron in horror.

"Ron!" He scolded.

"It's true isn't it?" He asked. He looked around. "Well? Anyone like to contradict me? They did fight for Voldemort, didn't they?" An uncomfortable amount of silence rested in the air.

"You're right." I spoke up softly. "We did fight for Voldemort." Harry looked at me surprised. In fact, everyone looked surprised. "But the reason we're here now, is to fight for you. We're here to stop Bellatrix. You don't have to like us, but you do have to trust you. Because without us, you'll never find her much less defeat her." He scoffed.

"Oh yeah, like without you we're helpless. I think we could defeat her easily, if not easier, without you." I sighed.

"You don't even know where to begin looking for her." I pointed out.

"She was attacking people in the South." He said as if I was stupid. " _Obviously_ she would be there." I almost rolled my eyes.

" _Obviously_ she would not be. Do you think Bellatrix is a fool? If anything she is ten times the strategist Voldemort ever was. She has contingency plans for her contingency plans. I was her right hand. I know how to find her. Please." I pleaded with him. "Trust us." He spit on the floor.

"Never." Hermione exploded.

"That's enough Ron!" She said getting in his face. "You know she's right so stop being a pig about it! Either you come and you trust them, or you don't come. I'm tired of your prejudice and your arrogance. Get over yourself. Now are you coming, or aren't you?" She stood with her hands on her hips, wand in her hand. I could see why they hadn't lasted long as a couple. He looked down, his ears red. He mumbled something under his breath.

"What?" She asked sharply.

"I'm coming. But don't expect me to be happy about it." He said pouting.

"You're never happy about anything." She snapped. Harry clapped his hands together.

"Are we done now?" He asked looking around. "Anyone else want to have a go?" He didn't wait for an answer. "Good, maybe we can finally get to the problem at hand, which happens to be a group of extremely powerful Death Eaters." He rolled a map out on his desk unceremoniously. He looked up at me. "Sirrah? You said it better than I could. You were her right hand. Lead on." He said gesturing to the map. I gulped. I guess I was leading on.


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter.**

 **A/N: Thank you for the reviews! I'm curious to know what people think about the twins and their personalities. Let me know!**

Chapter 16: Gave Proof

My feet were swollen and I was hungry. Incidentally, nothing was new. We had been trekking through the Carpathian mountain range for almost two weeks. I led the team through the forest hoping we were almost there. I would know it when I saw it. After I had betrayed Bellatrix I knew she wouldn't be dumb enough to stay at the same fortress in England. In fact I knew that she would be so paranoid that she would leave England altogether. She had once mentioned to me in passing that she had another fortress in the Carpathian Mountains.

One of her fatal flaws was that she thought I was an actual imbecile. It was ironic because she prided herself on always knowing what people were thinking, but she never stopped to think about what I was thinking. She just assumed I wasn't thinking.

"We need a break!" Harry called from the back of the line. I nodded and sat down. It was nearly midnight and we had been walking for almost fourteen hours straight. I hadn't wanted to stop because I felt as if we were close. I pulled a water bottle out of my pack and started to drink from it thirstily. Ellen sat down beside me and sighed.

"I don't want to sound like Jasper, but are we there yet?" I laughed. Jasper had been asking non-stop if we were there yet for the past two days. It had almost been funny the first three times he asked, but after that we all just hated him.

"We're close. I can feel it."

"What do you mean?" She asked, looking at me. The light of the full moon shone off her face, even through the grit and sweat.

"I can always feel when I get close to her magic. I don't know why. It's probably because I worked so closely with her for those two years." She nodded.

"Maybe. I've never heard of that before." I shrugged.

"Dark Magic works in mysterious ways." She nodded.

"That is true." Jasper came and plopped down beside us.

"If you ask I will cut all your fingers and toes off." Ellen said preemptively. Jasper gaped at her, and then he laughed.

"I wasn't going to, but duly noted. I was just going to ask how you guys were feeling?" I shrugged.

"I'm okay. I could use some food." Jasper nodded.

"Me too. I think if we trek any longer the Weasel might turn into an actual beast." I hit his arm, but I laughed.

"You shouldn't call him that." When I looked over at him though, I smiled. His face was tomato red and his shirt stuck to his chest with sweat. He made eye contact with me and gave me a dirty look. My face warmed and I looked away quickly. I didn't know why, but I felt like I should be nice to him, or that I owed him something. I knew I didn't, but I couldn't shake the feeling. I pulled an apple out of my bag and walked over to Weasley warily. He looked up at me aghast. I stopped in my tracks about four feet away from him and held out the apple.

"Would you like an apple?" I asked quietly. He nodded begrudgingly. He took the apple from me quickly, like he didn't want to touch me. He started to eat the apple hungrily then stopped when he realized I was still there. He looked up slowly.

"What?" He asked, his mouth full of apple. I sat down and his eyes widened.

"How are you?" I asked. He looked at my incredulous, and then seemed to realize I was being serious.

"Oh," His face got redder. "I'm fine."

"Good." I said. Harry came over to us.

"Hey Ron."

"Hey Harry."

"How are you feeling?" Harry asked gently. Ron exploded.

"Why does everyone want to know how I'm feeling? I'm feeling fine! I don't need three mothers! The one I have is enough!" He got up and stormed off. I looked at Harry.

"Sorry." I said. Harry shook his head.

"Not your fault. Ron can just be like that." I looked in the direction Ron walked off and sighed.

"He can't walk off alone like that. We are very close to Bellatrix's compound. He might run into a guard." Harry nodded grimly.

"I'll talk to him when he gets back."

"Thank you. Did everyone hear that?" I spoke up. No one was really talking anyway. Hermione nodded at me, as did Neville. I walked over to Hermione and Neville who were talking quietly together.

"How are you two?" I asked. Neville smiled at me cautiously.

"Fairly well." He said. "I'm surprised by the lack of wildlife here." He said. "There ought to be a lot more ferns and shrubs. Honestly I'm not sure how the larger trees are surviving without the support of the smaller plants." He mused.

"You're the herbology professor at Hogwarts aren't you?" I asked. He nodded excitedly.

"A wonderful profession. McGonagall has been very good to me. The students are spectacular as well. Not nearly as mischevious as Harry or Ron." Hermione laughed.

"That's good to hear." Hermione said. "I'm not sure how we got away with all that we did. If I had been headmaster I would have expelled us at least twelve times." She started listing the times they should have been expelled when a scream rang out through the forest. I whipped out my wand.

"That would be Ron." I muttered under my breath. I pointed at Seamus, Neville and Hermione. "You three wait here. Ellen, Jasper, come with me. Harry and Draco, start putting up some wards." Draco nodded grimly. I ran towards the sound of Ron's screaming. Ellen and Jasper followed hot on my heels. We broke out into a clearing where I saw Ron facing off with Fenrir Greyback in werewolf form.

"Stupefy!" I yelled. I knew it wouldn't hit him, but it was more to get his attention anyway.

Fenrir growled at me and abandoned his pursuing of Ron. Ron scrambled out of the way and Jasper went over to him. Ellen stood by me. I sighed. Fenrir was quite possibly my least favorite Death Eater after Bellatrix. He was vicious and needlessly violent, and he was nearly insane. As a werewolf he was even more so. I couldn't believe our bad luck, but of course it made sense that Bellatrix would send him out on the full moon.

"Stay on my right." I whispered to Ellen. She nodded and did so. Fenrir started circling us, and I tried to stupefy him again. He scrambled out of the way. He had to have taken wolfsbane, he seemed much too alert.

"Expelliarmus." It didn't really do anything to him except annoy him. He growled at me again. I smiled. I looked over at Ellen and smiled before I realized my mistake. I looked back at Fenrir. He looked up at me with a feral grin. I realized too late that he had been inching towards me. He lunged at my neck. My eyes widened in surprise and I waited for his teeth to make contact. Ellen jumped in front of my, flinging an arm in front of my neck. His teeth sunk into her arm and she screamed in pain.

"Stupefy!" He fell to the ground limp. Ellen fell into my arms and Jasper rushed over. His eyes were wide. Ron sat on the ground looking at us.

"What do we do?" He asked breathless. I looked at Ellen in horror.

"Get Harry." I whispered. Ellen was in shock and blood dripped down her arm.

"Sirrah?" She whispered. I bit my lip and started to press down on the wound. I knew it wouldn't be any use. We needed powdered silver and dittany to seal it. I didn't have either of those things. Without powdered silver and dittany she would die. The wound would not close without those two things. Harry, Neville and Hermione rushed into the clearing. Neville was carrying his bag. He came over to me and dropped to his knees.

"I have dittany." He whispered. A strangled scream escaped my throat, and I threw my arms around his neck.

"Thank you." I whispered into his neck.

"We need powdered silver." He said. Jasper took something off his neck and leaned down. It was a silver cross.

"Will this do?" He asked. Neville nodded.

"I can make the solution. It will seal her wound, but she will be a werewolf." He said grimly. Ellen groaned.

"I can't die." She said softly. "I promised the twins." A tear fell from her eye. She looked at me and I saw the confliction in her eyes. I grasped her hands.

"Being a werewolf won't change who you are." She sniffed.

"I know." She said. Her face crumpled. "But the rest of the world will think I'm just a Death Eater for the rest of my life." I squeezed her hands harder.

"You're a hero." I whispered. Neville tapped my shoulder.

"I've made it." He said. I nodded.

"Will it hurt her?" I asked.

"I'm unsure, I've never actually applied this." I grasped her arms and nodded at Jasper. He grasped her legs. I looked at Neville.

"Go ahead." Ellen said. He poured the solution on her arm. It was sludgy and ugly and it hissed when it hit her skin. She tried not to scream, but her eyes watered uncontrollably. She passed out after a minute. Draco came up behind me. He grasped my shoulder.

"We're unsafe here. Our position is compromised." I looked at Fenrir.

"I have a plan, but it's very bad." I said softly.

"Very bad as in, it won't work?" He asked. I sighed heavily.

"Very bad as in, unforgiveable." His jaw set.

"No."

"Draco- "

"Sirrah, no." He said.

"Just listen." I pleaded. "We put the imperius curse on Fenrir. We let him lead us back to the base. We find Bellatrix, we turn her in." He shook his head.

"This is all meaningless if we revert back into our old selves." He looked me in the eye. "If you want to change, this is how you do it. You choose the hard path." I looked at Ellen's unconscious form.

"It isn't worth this." I said. I started walking away and he grabbed my hand. I turned back to look at him.

"You can't do this." He said. "I thought you said you didn't want to be like your old self?" I couldn't meet his eyes.

"I'll sleep on it." I said quietly. I turned to go, but he held onto my hand.

"You know what's right and wrong Sirrah. Don't fool yourself." He let go of my hand and went over to Harry. We set up camp in the trees a couple miles away from where the attack had been, and Harry managed to put some charms on Fenrir to keep him asleep. I shared a tent with Ellen and Hermione. Ellen was still passed out from the whole ordeal and Hermione was asleep shortly.

I for one, didn't sleep at all. I wondered if when people said 'they would sleep on it' they actually meant they would sit up for hours biting their nails. Because that's what I did. I knew Draco was right. I did. I knew who I wanted to be and who I didn't. But I had mapped out all the other situations in my head. This was the only one that ended without multiple injuries and possible fatalities. Was I really willing to risk the lives of the people on this team to get Bellatrix? I wasn't, when I had a perfectly good plan that didn't involve anyone getting hurt.

I got up and went outside the tent. There had to be another way. But there wasn't. I went back and forth trying to come up with anything other than putting the imperius curse on Fenrir. I came up with everything from polyjuice potion to flying in on brooms. Nothing was going to work. Finally I sat down on the ground and put my head in my hands. If I did use the imperius cure it didn't mean I was a bad person. I didn't mean I was evil. It just meant I was put in an impossible situation and asked to make an impossible decision. I tried to convince myself, but it didn't work.

If I was honest with myself I knew that if I ever wanted to be better I couldn't do this. Was I willing to sacrifice my future for these people? The simple answer, was yes. The complicated answer, was not really. I was in a good place right now. It wasn't perfect, it wasn't by any means right, but it was good. I didn't _want_ to throw it away, but I didn't want anybody to die either. Ellen had already paid a price too great.

The twins would be devastated.

My eyes fell just thinking about them. They would be crushed by Ellen's plight, yes, but they would be even more crushed by my betrayal. If I did this I would surely go to Azkaban for the rest of my life. I couldn't do that to them. I had promised I would come back. Valentine's face as she told me that I was her family came to me. I couldn't do that to them. I stood up and began to pace. I had made my decision. Now I had to come up with another plan, that would actually work.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17: World News

My eyes were dry and tired. I had been pacing since last night. The sun was coming up slowly and I relished the warmth it brought. It shimmered through the invisibility wards Harry had put up last night. I hoped Bellatrix was still unaware of our presence. I had come up with a plan that might actually work. It wasn't great, it wasn't even really good, but it might work.

I continued to pace until the others started to wake up. Draco came out of his tent, his eyes bleary. He rubbed them gently and looked up at me warily. I stopped pacing to look at him.

"Don't worry." I said. "I've made my decision." He sighed in relief.

"I hardly slept for worry."

"Sorry." He shrugged.

"I'm glad you've made the right decision."

"Me too." I rubbed my head. "I think I've come up with another plan. It's also pretty bad – but not unforgiveable."

"What does it entail?" He asked.

"Let's wait until the other's get up."

"Count me up." Jasper said tiredly. "You all talk like you're half deaf. Could you get any louder?" Other people started to roll out of their tents. Everyone except Ellen. She was still passed out. We all gathered in a circle, except for Ron. He sat outside of the circle looking angry as usual. I wrung my hands nervously. Fenrir still lay in a heap at the edge of the camp. He had transitioned back to a human and was completely naked.

"I have a plan." I started.

"We gathered for you to tell us that?" Ron sniped.

"I think we should let Fenrir go." I held up my hand as they all opened their mouth. "After we obliviate his memory of last night. I'll give myself up and then we let him 'capture' me and then he takes me to the fortress. He wouldn't dare kill me, Bellatrix wants to kill me herself."

"He almost killed you last night." Harry pointed out. I shook my head.

"We were attacking him. If he happens upon me unarmed he won't kill me. I'll say I'm alone. Draco can activate the tracking spell and you guys can follow us to the fortress at a safe distance. You all _quietly_ disarm and restrain the other Death Eaters while I stall with Bellatrix."

"What if she tortures you again?" Draco asked.

"I doubt she will." I honestly had no idea whether she would torture me or not. I doubted that Draco would let me go, though, if I thought she would. "Then you all come in and disarm her and we head back to the ministry."

"It's idiotically simply." Ron said angrily. "We might as well throw up our hands and ask them to kill us."

"Well I would like to see you come up with a better plan instead of just sulking around." I said. I get angry when I don't sleep.

"Sulking around?" He asked incredulous. "I was almost killed yesterday!"

"Yes but you weren't!" I retorted. "Instead Ellen is now a werewolf so if you don't have any helpful input I would suggest you shut up!" I stood up angrily and started pacing. "So." I said turning to the others. "Will it work?"

"In theory, yes." Harry said. "It is simple, but I think it's actually better this way. Bellatrix won't be expecting that. I don't like leaving your life up to Fenrir or Bellatrix, but I think this is our best option." Draco and Hermione nodded.

"This will work." Hermione said firmly. "How are we going to do this whole 'get captured' thing? If Fenrir suspects anything this whole plan is moot."

"We'll obliviate his memory, then you'll get a safe distance away before he wakes up. I'll stay here and pretend to make camp. I'll be nice and loud and he'll 'happen' upon me. Is everyone game?" I looked pointedly at Ron. He grunted loudly. It sounded affirmative.

"We had better get started." Draco said looking at us. I nodded.

"We had better." Hermione worked on obliviating Fenrir's memory and the rest of us worked on packing up camp and taking down the wards. At some point somebody had put pants on Fenrir. We would have to take them off before we started the whole process because he would think he had just woken up after the full moon.

"You know if you don't want to do this, I could." Draco said softly coming up to me.

"What?" I asked turning to him.

"Bellatrix hates me almost as much as she hates you. I'm sure Fenrir would just as willingly take me to him." I shook my head.

"No, I'll do this. It's my plan – it's only right that I should be the one to carry it out." He nodded.

"As long as you think it will work." He said looking at me worriedly.

"It will work." I said as reassuringly as I could.

"What should we do about Ellen?" He asked even more quietly. I looked at Ellen's unconscious form lying on a cot and I sighed deeply.

"Jasper won't like it, but I think he should take her home. I don't want him to be here for the fight anyway." Draco nodded.

"I'll talk to him. He won't be happy about it, but he won't refuse to take her home."

"Is Fenrir nearly ready?" I called over to Hermione. She looked over at me with a tired expression.

"Nearly. I've only a little longer to go."

"Perfect. How are the wards coming Harry?"

"I'm close, perhaps another fifteen minutes."

"Alright everyone be ready to move in half an hour. Draco did you find a place for you all to hide out while Fenrir 'finds' me?"

"Yes, there is a cave about two miles south of here that will work."

"That sounds good." I said. I sighed nervously. "I hope this works."

"It will." Draco said patting my shoulder. "I'll go talk to Jasper now."

"Talk to me about what?" Jasper said, sounding suspicious. Draco frowned and went over to him. He talked in hushed tones for about a minute before Jasper exploded.

"You can't just send me away from the fight!" He said angrily.

"I'm not." Draco lied smoothly. "I'm asking you to take care of Ellen. You should take her to St. Mungo's. We may have sealed the wound, but she will still need care." Jasper scowled.

"This is just a ploy. You could just as easily send Weasley." Draco raised an eyebrow.

"Really." Jasper seemed to think about what he had just said.

"Okay, but you could still Hermione or Neville. Why me?"

"When Ellen wakes up she isn't going to want to see Hermione or Neville. She's going to want to see you." Jasper looked at Draco exasperated.

"Fine, but I won't forget this."

"If it helps, this was Sirrah's idea." Jasper looked over at me agape.

"Sirrah!" He said whining. I shrugged.

"I _am_ in charge." He grunted.

"I guess I'll be heading back now. No reason for me to stay around."

"That's the spirit." Harry called from the other side of the camp.

"See you all when you capture Bellatrix and throw her in Azkaban for the rest of her sorry life."

"Bye." I called. Jasper came over to me and wrapped me in a bear hug.

"I could never be mad at you for long." He said quietly.

"I know." He broke the hug and walked over to Ellen. He picked her up effortlessly and smiled at me crookedly.

"Hex Bellatrix for me."

"I will." I said laughing. He disapparated and I was left with an empty feeling in my gut. Hermione called over.

"I'm finished."

"Harry?" I asked.

"Nearly there- don't be impatient. This is very delicate work."

"Alright let's move into positions. I'm going to go to the spot we picked for my fake campsite." I started to walk away. "Oh! Don't forget he has to be naked or else he will know something is up." Hermione made a face.

"Somebody else can deal with that. I only deal with clothed werewolves." I smiled and started walking again. I hoped he would put clothes on before he came and captured me. I didn't fancy getting escorted to Bellatrix by a naked werewolf.

"See you all when you storm the fort."

"See you then." Harry called. I walked into the forest about half a mile east of our original camp. Is was far enough away that Fenrir wouldn't suspect anything, but also close enough that he could actually find me. I started collecting sticks for the fire I was supposed to be making. I figured I would have about an hour before Fenrir could actually find me. We had agreed that if it takes him any longer than an hour and a half to find me, we should regroup to make a new plan. A plan that would hopefully still end in Bellatrix's capture.

I took the time to think. A lot had happened in the past several weeks. Bellatrix. Narcissa. Ellen. Everything just seemed to be happening all at once. It had started to feel like it was getting better. I had been looking for a job. The twins were doing well. Malfoy Manor had started to feel like home. Then just when I thought the time had come for me to finally build my dream – to actually know what I wanted to do with my life – it felt like the world was ripped right out from under me. I sat down and put my head in my hands.

I was tired of disappointment and regret. I was tired of always wishing things weren't as they were. I pushed my hair out of my eyes. After this – after we got Bellatrix – things would get better. I would make sure they did. Besides things didn't have to be perfect. I wasn't asking for perfection. I was just asking for right. I wanted things to feel right. I needed support and it felt like anyone who could offer it to me needed support themselves. Draco had lost both his parents. Ellen was going to be a werewolf. Jasper was still struggling with his animagus form. It felt like we were all struggling.

Besides I might as well have just ruined all chances of redemption. What had I been thinking, planning to use an unforgiveable? What was wrong with me? I ran a hand through my hair. I had no conviction. I was still evil deep down, and it seemed like nothing I did would ever change that.

"Well, well, what is this?" I jumped up and screamed. I had forgotten about Fenrir. I pulled out my wand, but he disarmed me. Thankfully he had clothes on. He laughed at me. "What are you doing so far from Malfoy Manor?" He circled me and I tried to calm my heart. This was all going to plan. Everything was fine. "Bellatrix will just love this." He said licking his lips. "She has been _aching_ to kill you." I tried to think about what I would do if I had actually been caught off guard. I would probably try to run and get my wand. So I did that. He beat me to it and hit me in the head. I fell to the ground groaning.

"Not so fast there." He said snickering. "You have a date with someone very important." He put me in a body-bind and started walking. By now they should have activated the tracking spell. They would see that I was moving and they would follow. Hopefully.

Fenrir just kept walking. I wondered if we would ever make it to the fortress. Finally he stopped. I sighed in relief. He undid some basic wards. Harry would be able to get those down easily. Everything was going well. I would have smiled if I hadn't been frozen.

Fenrir continued through after putting the wards back up, and I saw the fortress. It wasn't nearly as grand as the one Bellatrix had been at before. It was pretty old and dilapidated. A couple of guards stood out front. I recognized them, but couldn't remember their names. We hadn't done a lot of talking in the Death Eater club. We – rather Fenrir – walked through the door and I would have laughed had I been able. How the mighty had fallen. The Death Eaters that remained looked malnourished and exhausted. They looked disheartened most of all. Bellatrix sat in the middle of the room with her head in her hands. She was skinny as a rake and her hair was coming out in clumps.

Perhaps she had made the last descent into insanity. I didn't doubt it. I hoped she wouldn't kill me right away. That would put a bit of a fork in our plan. I didn't fancy being dead at the end of this. That was what we were trying to avoid. Fenrir dumped me on the floor unceremoniously. I fell in a heap and coughed as dust filled my lungs.

"Well, well." Bellatrix said. Her voice was thin. She sounded like a shell of herself. "Look who's here." She didn't sound angry, in fact she didn't sound anything. She didn't even sound like Bellatrix. I felt sadness fill my chest. I felt bad for her. Her whole life she had worshipped Voldemort. When he died it was like losing a part of her. No wonder she had gone insane. She stood up and came over to me. She didn't touch me. In fact she seemed to want to stay away from me. She didn't say anything for a while. In fact everything was silent for several minutes. Finally she knelt down in the dirt with me.

She looked into my eyes. Her brown eyes were filled with regret. I was shocked. I had expected a lot of things, but not regret. Bellatrix didn't have regret. I thought at first it was a trick of the light. Then I realized her eyes really were tearing up. A solitary tear fell from her right eye.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. She seemed to fold into herself. She laid her head on my lap. I was so shocked I didn't know what to do. Then I started to cry. No one knew what to do. Time seemed not to pass. There was no one in the room except us. Bellatrix's silent tears filled my lap. Mine dripped into the dirt.

I was vaguely aware of the others arriving. They took the other Death Eaters prisoner. No one protested. No one was fighting. I felt their eyes on Bellatrix and I, but no one approached us. She was sorry. How could she say it so easily? Did she know how to be sorry? What was she sorry for? There were so many things. Did she really regret it? Was it possible?

I started to sob. My wails filled the dense air. There were no other sounds. Finally Draco came over to me. I knew he was waiting. Finally I put a hand on her back. I swore lightning coursed through my palm. She lifted her head up slowly. I helped her up and she seemed to cave into herself. I swallowed and a tear traced down my face.

"Bellatrix Lestrange you are under arrest for the following violations, use of the unforgiveables, use of the dark arts, bearing the dark mark, murder, and torture." She nodded numbly. "We'll take you to Azkaban now." She only nodded again. I looked at the others and disapparated. We arrived in front of Azkaban. It brought back bad memories just to see it. I walked with her towards the doors. The dementors circled. Guards rushed out to meet us. They restrained Bellatrix and I watched her go. She didn't turn back. I knew it was doubtful I would ever see her again. I had no doubt she would get the kiss. I watched some of the other Death Eaters pass.

"Sirrah!" I turned sharply. My mother was passing me. Bellatrix had lifted the Imperius curse. I surged towards her without even thinking. "Sirrah! Don't let them take me!" My father's eyes were bleary. He didn't seem to be aware of what was going on. I watched her go. I was frozen. The word formed on my lips. _Mother._

They were gone before I had time to react. I sighed. It was over. It was really over. I wanted to smile. I wanted to jump for joy or dance. But all I could think about was Bellatrix. Of course she would ruin the one time I could actually feel real joy. I wondered if it had been genuine regret, or if she simply hadn't wanted to fight us. It had felt genuine, but you could never be certain with Bellatrix.

If someone like Bellatrix could regret her evil, couldn't I? Did she want to change? Did it matter? They wouldn't let her anyhow. My eyes pulsed. Hermione was the first one to break the silence.

"We did it. The war is really over." Her face broke into a smile. I managed a weak, forlorn smile.

"It feels surreal." Draco said quietly.

"It feels like it's supposed to." Ron quipped.

"Be nice Ron." Harry said tiredly. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I want to see my wife. I'm going to the Burrow."

"Sounds like a plan." Hermione said smiling.

"Yes it does." Neville said grinning.

"You all seem to forget it's my house." Ron said.

"I think you seem to forget it's your parents house." Hermione said raising an eyebrow to the stratosphere.

"See you all there." Seamus said grinning in Ron's direction. One by one we disapparated. Draco looked at me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked quietly. I wiped the last remnant of tears off my face.

"No, I want to see the twins and start the first day of my normal life." He shrugged.

"I kind of figured. See you there." We disapparated together. When we arrived at the Burrow I was hit instantly by a fuzzy ball of muscle.

"Rover, down! Arthur this dog better be gone by tomorrow!"

"Dear, you know I can't just turn it out on the street!"

"Sirrah!" The next thing that I was hit by was Romeo. Valentine was right behind him. I knelt down on the floor and enveloped them both in a hug. I kissed their heads.

"I told you I would be back before your birthday!"

"Barely." Valentine said. "There are only twelve days left!"

"But I'm here now aren't I?" I asked.

"I'm here too." Draco said laughing.

"Draco!" Valentine fairly tackled him. "We love you okay too." She said, but her grin said otherwise.

"Oh is that so?" He asked ruffling her. "In that case…" He picked her up off the floor and hung her upside down. She squealed with joy.

"Me too! Me too!" Romeo said. Harry came and tackled him. Romeo's laugh pierced the air. I smiled.

"Well isn't this a nice reunion." I turned.

"Ellen!" It was my turn to tackle someone. I hugged her as tight as I could. "Are you alright? Shouldn't you be at St. Mungo's?" I asked. She smiled. Before she could answer Molly Weasley came over.

"She's fine dear. She just has a larger appetite for raw meat." Ellen smiled sheepishly.

"I can't help it."

"Didn't say you could dear." Molly swooped over to the twins. "Time for a bath." She said. The twins looked up at her incredulous.

"But they just got back." Romeo whined. Molly put her hands on her hips.

"And?" Romeo pouted, but he followed her upstairs. Valentine was quick on his heels. Romeo darted back to me and hugged my knees.

"See you upstairs?" He asked.

"Definitely." I replied. He nodded and went back to Molly. Ginny laughed. She was almost four months along and you could definitely see her baby bump.

"I bet you all are hungry." She said.

"You read my mind." Jasper said coming downstairs. She laughed.

"I was actually talking to the people who just stormed a fortress of Death Eaters, but I guess I can feed you too."

"If it's not too much trouble." He said breezing into the kitchen. She rolled her eyes.

"Come eat." She said to the rest of us.

"You didn't have to tell me twice." Ron said following Jasper.

"I could eat a cow." Neville said softly.

"A cow? I could eat a dragon." Ron said.

"I could eat a whole clan of dragons." Seamus said.

"Did this just somehow turn into a competition?" Draco asked laughing.

"Ron can make anything a competition." Ginny said.

"Is that a challenge?" Ron asked.

"Actually it was just a statement." Ginny said.

"A true statement." Hermione muttered. We all filed into the kitchen and the smell of fresh bread and pork wafted up to us. Everything was going to be okay.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: This chapter is from Hermione's point of view. I kind of just wanted to explain why I chose not to have her with Ron, and why I changed her job. Hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 18: Hermione POV

Last night everyone had stayed over at the Burrow. We had all been too tired to do otherwise. It had been fun, but also difficult. It had brought back a lot of good memories, but also a lot of bad ones. Having dinner with the Weasley's, fighting with Ron, celebrating Christmas, fighting with Ron. The list went on.

I was standing in the tall grass a ways from the Burrow. The sun had not yet risen, and I had wanted to see the stars before the new day. I could still just barely see them as the glow of the sun started to permeate the sky.

I ran a hand through my hair. I had to cut it soon. It was starting to get out of hand.

"I couldn't sleep either." I smiled. Neville's voice was always a welcome sound. Neville seemed to be the only one of us who had not changed a bit. Sure, he wasn't the awkward boy he had been at Hogwarts, but he was still brave, and kind, and the most loyal person I knew. I turned to look at him. He was wearing a pair of Ron's pajama pants and a gray t-shirt. His brown hair was mussed up and he smiled lightly at me.

"How are you doing?" I asked. He shrugged.

"I'm fine, I'm worried about Sirrah though." It was both touching and amazing that he could worry about a woman who he barely knew – and one he should rightly be enemies with.

"What happened to her and Bellatrix?" I asked. He shook his head.

"I haven't the slightest." We were both silent for a second.

"I'm glad I met Sirrah." I finally said. "I think she was really the reason I changed my views on Death Eaters. I mean when Harry first took on this project with Draco I thought he had actually lost it. I went along with it because I'll always be loyal to him, but I just couldn't believe he was working with _Draco Malfoy_. I tried to stay away from the program as much as I could – and from Draco. I did paperwork if Harry needed me to, but I didn't involve myself with it at all. Then I met Sirrah, and I realized it was possible for them to change."

"Sometimes I think you're too loyal to Harry." Neville said quietly. I looked up sharply. "Not meaning any harm." He said quickly. I smiled.

"You could never mean harm Neville, but what do you mean?"

"You gave up your career – a career you loved – because Harry asked you to." I shrugged. I had loved my job at the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. I had started it about a year after the war ended and I had only stayed on for a couple of months before Harry asked for my help.

"He needed me." I said. "The Auror department was struggling to track down the rest of the Death Eaters. I didn't resent him for it."

"I know you didn't."

"I guess it just felt natural." I said shrugging. "Harry has always been our leader and Ron and I have always just followed him. When he became head of the Auror department it just felt right to follow him." He looked at me with his sad blue eyes. It always amazed me how someone so wonderful hardly ever smiled.

"I never saw you as following Harry. I always saw Harry and Ron as being the ones following you."

"Why is that?" I asked genuinely curious.

"They wouldn't have made it five minutes without you. Without your knowledge or your dedication they couldn't have defeated Voldemort." I blushed ever so slightly.

"That's a kind thing to say Neville, but Harry is the one with the scar."

"Scars don't mean a thing." He said.

"That might be true, unless your scar makes you the chosen one." He laughed a tiny bit at that, but he hardly smiled.

"It must be hard for you – being back here with Ron." He said. He had not only changed the topic effortlessly, but he also seemed to be able to read my mind. Neville had his own sort of magic that no one could ever replicate. He always knew the exact right thing to say, and the right way to say it.

"I guess a little." I said feeling small. "Everyone always thought I must have been the one to break it off, but really it was Ron, and I guess that was hard. I didn't really see it coming. I mean I think I knew deep down that we were never right for each other, but I never expected him to break it off. I just thought we would get married, quarrel occasionally and life would go on. It's been almost two years, but he still can barely talk to me. It should be me who's mad at him." I said a little angrily. "Was it so ridiculous of me to think I could lose my boyfriend, but keep my friend?"

"Of course not." Neville said gently. I felt my throat constrict.

"I felt so childish when he ended it. I felt betrayed, but mostly I just felt surprised. How could I not have seen it?"

"Love blinds us. Every kind of love."

"He said that was why he had to leave me." I swallowed trying to wet my dry throat. "He said I would never love him as more than a friend." I scratched my palm. "But to me that's what love is supposed to be - friendship. He was always expecting more, and I wasn't." I looked up slowly. "Sorry, I'm sure you don't want to hear about my sappy – and depressing – love story." He only shrugged.

"I'm your friend. I'm here to listen." I hugged him.

"Neville you're one in a million."

"So are you Hermione – you don't need Ron or Harry to be someone special. You are your own person with your own value and worth. No one can take that away from you." I smiled.

"So, what about you? Anything horrid happened yet?"

"Not yet. Being the Herbology Professor is all I've ever dreamed about. I love it. I love the children." I smiled.

"That's wonderful."

"It is."

"But I really meant anything horrid happened with a girlfriend yet?"

"Oh." He smiled. "No. No girlfriend for anything horrid to have happened with."

"What about Hannah?" I asked. He had been dating Hannah Abbot for a couple months about a year ago. He shrugged.

"We didn't work out."

"I find that hard to believe. She must have been truly horrid to not have gotten along with you." He shrugged.

"I don't honestly know what happened. She prepared this whole speech to tell me she was breaking up with me and honestly I didn't understand half of it. She was saying all this stuff like she was bored and she needed adventure and she didn't need safety." He shrugged again. "I don't know."

"It goes better in books." He nodded.

"That is very true."

"It looks like there's a party out here." A voice behind us. Ron was awake. I looked back at him. Whenever I saw him there was a small part of me that wished he would take me back. It would be so much easier that way. I wouldn't have to work for love. Sometimes I wished I had just been enough for him. I looked down, unable to look at his eyes.

"I'm going to get some tea – do you guys want any?" Neville asked.

"I would love some tea." I said weakly. Ron was staring off into the distance. His face was tense. My heart started to beat against my ribcage. Neville walked back to the Burrow leaving us alone. Ron seemed to be refusing to speak first.

"Ron." My voice was wracked with emotion. "Say something."

"What do you want me to say Hermione?" He looked at me with an impossible expression on his face.

"I want us to be friends." I said quietly. "I know a relationship won't work for us, but please, let's not throw away our friendship as well. I need you – as much as I need Harry." He looked away.

"It doesn't work like that Hermione."

"Why not? We never did things by the rules anyhow, why the strict adherence now?" His jaw set.

"You want me to just forget, Hermione?"

"If that's what it takes." I said.

"Well I can't."

"Ron!" I said exasperated. "I'm sorry I hurt you – I didn't even know that I was! I just want us to be friends. Please, I can't take you ignoring me."

"I'm not ignoring you!" He exploded.

"What would you call it? You don't talk to me, you can hardly even look at me!"

"I just need my space!" I stepped towards him, but he stepped away. I bit my lip as tears raised to my eyes. "Sorry." He said forlornly. He walked back to the Burrow, and I was left feeling emptier than I had in a while. The victory of yesterday paled. I couldn't win with Ron. Everything I did was wrong.

A dry sob wracked my shoulders. I knelt down in the grass. Footsteps came towards me. My heart skipped a beat. He had come back. I stood and turned around. My face fell. Neville brought me a cup of tea.

"I know I'm not who you wanted." He said softly. My face crumbled, and I sobbed again. "Oh, Hermione." He whispered. He put the tea down in the grass and hugged me.

"Why is he determined to make this so difficult?" I asked through the tears.

"He isn't trying to hurt you Hermione. He's hurt too."

"I know." I said wiping my eyes. For once I just wanted to be angry – to explode like Ron so often did. So I did. I exploded. "Is it just so much to ask that he be okay with the love I had to give him? Was it too much to ask to be treated well?" I broke away from Neville and started to pace. "I knew he could be kind and compassionate. I saw the best parts of him. I saw the worst as well, but I chose to accept them. I chose that. Why couldn't he accept the bad parts of me? I'm just not passionate like him. I did love him! I did. I just didn't show it like he did." I sighed deeply. Neville was silent for a very long time. Finally he inhaled softly.

"It's not too much to ask for." He said finally. I looked up suddenly. "Ron is one of my best friends, but I've never thought that he did right by you. You deserve to be treated well Hermione. You'll find someone. Let's go get some breakfast. Draco and Sirrah are up." I smiled.

"I could use some friendly faces." I said. He picked up the tea and we walked into the Burrow. Molly was bustling around in the kitchen and everything smelled like bacon. Sirrah and Draco were talking in hushed tones at the kitchen table. I smiled. The twins ran down the stairs storming into the kitchen. Sirrah and Draco looked up, identical looks of adoration on their faces.

"What are you talking about?" Valentine asked. Sirrah got a mischievous look in her eyes.

"I seem to remember there is a certain birthday coming up." Valentine's face got serious.

"I got my family back." She said hugging Draco and Sirrah with her tiny arms. "That's all I can ask for." My throat constricted. I couldn't control my neck as it pulled my head up to look at Ron. He was looking at me too. My lips quirked up in a sort-of smile. He sort-of smiled back. I would always love him, nothing would change that, but then again I always had loved him. Perhaps that was where this whole problem had come from. I went back to looking at the twins. They were dancing around Sirrah and Draco. Sirrah's face was more alight than I had ever seen it. I looked to Neville and found he was staring at me. He gave me a questioning look that seemed to be asking if I was all right. I nodded slowly. I would be. Ron and I might be over, but that didn't mean my life was.


	19. Chapter 19 Part 1

**A/N: Sorry I haven't put up a chapter in a while! This file was too big, so I had to split up this chapter into two parts! Will put them up at the same time - please enjoy!**

Chapter 19: Wind

I woke up early on the day of the twin's birthday. Like two in the morning early. Everyone else was up as well. Even the Avery's were awake. We had to get the manor ready for the twins birthday party.

Everyone took a portion of the manor to get ready. I took the kitchen, Draco took the pavilion outside, Ellen took the sitting room, Jasper took the dining room, and the Avery's took the gardens. I thought Jasper had it the hardest. Trying to make the dining room – the place where the attack had happened – festive would be truly hard. I knew Jasper could handle it though. I entered the kitchen and set about getting the ingredients for a cake. I had bought them all last night, but didn't want to start baking while the twins were awake.

I was going to make a berry-lemon cake. The twins would love it. They loved anything fruity. I had to make a pretty large cake. We were inviting over all the Weasley's, Harry and Ginny, Hermione, Neville, and Andromeda and her grandson. I was excited to meet Andromeda and her grandson. Draco had been talking to Andromeda about a job tutoring him.

I was also going to make a barbecue. I had never made a barbecue but it sounded fairly easy. I only had to grill things and put ketchup on them. I could do that with a wand.

I looked out the window to see Draco working in the dark outside. He was setting up a sort of tent that we would be able to celebrate in. He levitated the tent while he looked for the pegs. He turned to look at me and smiled. I smiled back. The other thing I was making in abundance was candy. The twins loved hard candy and I could make it fairly easily.

Within the hour I had the cake in the oven and the lemon-y scent was wafting throughout the house. Ellen came in at some point and watched me making the candy.

"I haven't forgotten you know." She said. I could hear the laugh in her voice.

"I can't."

"You can and you will." I turned to look at her in exasperation.

"I can't."

"You can wear that dress and you know you can." I looked at her. "Please wear it." She pleaded. "I will pay you money to wear it."

"I don't want money." I said laughing.

"Then what will make you wear it?" She asked.

"I just can't." She pouted.

"Just think about it." I shrugged.

"Okay." I said. She walked out and I watched her go. Ellen had been doing surprisingly well since her transformation. The full moon hadn't come yet, so I guess we were all waiting to see what would happen. We were all counting down the days. There were sixteen left. Like Molly had said, Ellen was still Ellen, she just liked raw meat now. That was a little weird. It was hard to get used to Ellen – who was so proper and prim – tearing through raw meat. I had set aside some of the barbecue meat for her, so she could eat it raw.

When it got closer to the time that the twins would wake up I started making pancakes. They loved pancakes. I put blueberries and raspberries and peach slices inside the pancakes. Draco came inside his hair slick with sweat. The August heat was getting to us all.

"Pancakes?" He asked breathless.

"Indeed."

"Could I have some water? I'm nearly done with the tent, but I'm parched."

"Of course." I said. I accioed a cup and some water for him. He guzzled it down gratefully.

]"Thank you." He went back outside and next Jasper was coming in.

"I think I broke my wand." He said seriously. I laughed. I couldn't help it.

"Your wand isn't broken."

"No. I'm almost certain it's broken."

"Let me see it." He handed his wand to me. "Accio mug!" A mug flew into my hand. "Your wand is fine." I said, giving him an odd look.

"Oh thank goodness. I nearly gave myself a heart attack." He left abruptly and I smiled. I went back to making the pancakes. Outside the sun was rising. The twins would be up soon. I started putting the pancakes on the table in the kitchen. The cake wouldn't be done for about an hour and we wouldn't start the barbecue until the afternoon. Draco came back in smiling.

"I'm done!" Ellen and Jasper came into the kitchen looking just as happy. The Avery's filed in a few minutes later. Ellen stepped up.

"Alright everyone get ready. I want nice clothes." She said sternly. "I bought the twins birthday outfits – so shape up." She gave me a pointed look. Everyone went upstairs to get ready quickly. I tiptoed around in my room as the twins continued to sleep. I bit my lip nervously. Should I wear the dress? It wasn't that big of a deal. I should just wear. Or not wear it. I rubbed my eyes. When had I started to care so much about my clothing?

Finally not wanting to think about it anymore I just grabbed the dress. I went to the powder room down the hall to get changed. I took off my pajama pants and t-shirt and winced as I saw the dark mark in the mirror. Yesterday I had learned that Bellatrix had been sentenced for the kiss. My parents had been sentenced as well. A crease formed between my eyes. I knew that wasn't the only thing bothering me. I was still feeling guilty about the whole imperius curse debacle. I hadn't used it of course, but I might as well have. I rubbed the crease away. I couldn't think about that today. Today was about the twins.

I put on the dress and bit my lip trying not to smile. It was beautiful. The dress was a deep shade of red. It had an empire waist and a flair skirt that went to my knees. The dragons embroidered on the dress were purple. The sleeves were one-inch strips. I loved it, but I also felt extremely self-conscious.

I knew it was stupid, but I couldn't help it. My mother's words came unbidden to my head. _Ugly_. I turned away from the mirror. It didn't matter. It didn't matter what I looked like. I ran a brush through my hair quickly. I didn't look in the mirror again.

I opened the powder room door quickly trying not to look in the mirror. I padded down the hallway back to my room. When I got back to the room I slipped on some tan sneakers. Ellen would probably nag me about the shoes, but I was not going to wear heels.

"Sirrah?" Romeo's voice was sleepy. I went over to him quietly.

"Happy Birthday Romeo." I whispered quietly. He hugged my neck.

"Is Valentine up yet?"

"I am now." She said, from the other side of the bed.

"They're up!" Ellen exclaimed as she whisked in. She was holding two bags in her arms. "Up, up!" She cried. She raised the blinds and the sun flooded the room. She put the bags on the bedside table and started getting the twins out of the bed. "I have special birthday outfits for you!" Valentine smiled and Romeo just looked confused. She gave them their bags and they opened them sleepily.

Valentine pulled out a deep green dress from the bag. It tied on the shoulders with two bows and fell to her knees in ruffles. She squealed. Romeo pulled out a white, linen suit with a dark green tie. He smiled at Ellen.

"I like the tie." He said.

"I knew you would. Now, go get changed." They exited the room and she turned to me, and ecstatic expression on her face. "You wore the dress!" My lips quirked up.

"It's a beautiful dress."

"You're beautiful." She exclaimed. I didn't say anything. I had learned to ignore all comments about my appearance. I didn't want to hear any of them. The twins came back into the room while Romeo was struggling with his tie.

"How am I supposed to do this?" He asked looking up at us. Draco came in at the perfect time. He was wearing the light blue linen suit Ellen had bought for him in Tibet.

"Let me help you." Draco said kneeling down beside him. When our apparel was all ready we filed downstairs. Romeo inhaled deeply.

"I smell cake." He said looking at me. Ellen laughed.

"We aren't having cake for breakfast." I said. Romeo inhaled again.

"Pancakes."

"You have an uncanny ability to detect food by their smell." Valentine said haughtily.

"Not uncanny." Romeo said cheekily. "Awesome." The doorbell rang.

"I'll get it." I called. Romeo and Valentine continued into the kitchen while I went to get the door. I opened it to see Hermione and Neville. Hermione's face was split in a huge grin, and Neville looked passive as he usually did.

"The gardens look amazing!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Thank the Averys. They were the garden masterminds." Hermione and Neville came in and handed me the twin's gifts. "The twins are in the kitchen." I said pointing them towards it. I went to put the gifts into the sitting room. The doorbell rang again. I guess I was on door duty. I went to open it again. I was met with a severe faced woman and a toddler with shocking blue hair. The woman looked at me with shrewd eyes.

"You must be Miss Safiq." She said with a clipped voice.

"Miss Malfoy." I replied offering my hand. She shook it firmly.

"This is my grandson Theodore."

"Nice to meet you Theodore." I said smiling at him. His hair turned pink. I tried to hide my surprise. He was a metamorphmagus. His ears turned pink as well.

"Theodore say 'hello'." Andromeda urged him. He had to have been only three years old. The poor child probably barely understood what was going on.

"Hello." He fairly whispered.

"Please come in." I said smiling. They came in and Andromeda handed me a gift box. "The rest are in the kitchen." I said pointing them towards the kitchen.

"I know where the kitchen is." Andromeda said. I flushed. Of course she did. She grew up in Malfoy Manor. By the time I had put the gift in the sitting room the door had rung again. I spent the next half an hour letting people in and putting gifts in the sitting room. Finally when everyone had arrived I went into the kitchen to find that there were no pancakes left. I blew my hair out of my face only slightly annoyed. A cold finger tapped my shoulder. I shiver set in my spine.

"I thought you might want some pancakes." Draco said, the smile in his voice. I took the plate gratefully.

"You read my mind."

"I try." He said. The kitchen was full of people, and the twins seemed to be having a good time. I looked around and I noticed the lack of children in the room. Theodore was really the only other child in the room. I frowned. I hadn't meant to invite only adults to their birthday party, but they didn't really have any other friends their age. I should try and find some.

"Alright everyone!" Draco said getting people's attention. "For our first event we will be going out to the garden, the Avery's have kindly set up a maze for us." Valentine clapped her hands.

"Wonderful!" We all went out to the gardens and everyone participated in the maze other than Andromeda. She asked me to accompany Theodore through the maze. I felt like I was being put through a sort of test. I took Theodore's hand tentatively and his hair turned a deep shade of red.

"Don't be embarrassed Theodore." Andromeda said sharply. Theodore only turned a darker shade of red. I smiled at him encouragingly, but he ducked his head. Andromeda 'tutted'.

"He's so sensitive." She turned on her heel and went back into the manor. I watched her go a bit apprehensively. It didn't seem like she treated Theodore any better than any other pure blood treated their children. I sighed internally.

"Please don't call me Theodore." I looked down at Theodore sharply.

"What should I call you?" I asked.

"Teddy." I smiled.

"Alright Teddy. Please call me Sirrah." He shook his head vehemently.

"Aunt Andromeda would be angry."

"I'll talk to her." I said.

"I don't really like mazes." He said finally. "They are kind of scary." I smiled.

"Not when you have someone to help you." I led him into the maze and smiled as I heard the twins shrieking in joy.

"Aunt Andromeda said you are going to be my tutor?" He said the word experimentally as if he wasn't sure what it meant.

"If you like me." I said.

"What is a tutor?"

"I will be a teacher for you."

"What will you teach me?" He asked.

"All kinds of things."

"Did you have a tutor?" I bit my lip.

"No."

"Oh." He paused. "Well I like you." I squeezed his hand.


	20. Chapter 19 Part 2

**A/N: Chapter 19: Wind Part 2**

"I hope your aunt likes me."

"She doesn't like a lot of people." I bit back a laugh. That seemed to be true. I hadn't known Andromeda well. Of course all purebloods knew all other purebloods, but that didn't mean you _knew_ them. To me it seemed most purebloods were very complex people. It didn't seem like many had a very good childhood or a very good life at all. Perhaps that could change now. I hoped it could change.

"We're lost." Teddy proclaimed. His hair turned a deep shade of purple.

"I like your hair." I said smiling. He touched it a little self-consciously.

"It's like my moms." He said.

"Your mom?" I asked.

"Did you know her? Nymphadora Lupin? My dad was Remus Lupin." I paled. How had I not realized? Of course this was the Lupin's child. I was an idiot. Their faces flashed through my mind. I remembered them from the Battle of Hogwarts – where they were killed. I flooded with guilt, and the back of my neck started to sweat.

"I didn't know them." I lied. I hadn't of course known them well, but I had known them.

"My mom was like me." He said softly. "I never met her. I mean I did, but I don't remember."

"I'm sorry." I said. He didn't say anything. We got to the end of the maze. Draco was standing with the twins. He looked over at me and raised his eyebrows. I nodded slightly.

"Could I have some water?" Teddy asked looking up at me. His eyes had changed to a deep purple color.

"How do you do that?" I asked. He shrugged.

"Not sure. I can't really control it right now. Aunt Andromeda says it will come with time."

"We can go inside to get some water." I said quickly. I didn't want him to think I was ignoring him. I took him by the hand into the kitchen. Andromeda was standing in the kitchen. Her eyes looked wet. She held a glass of wine in her hand. I realized sadly that no one in her family was left. Draco was here, but her sisters were gone. Bellatrix would have her soul sucked out of her soon. She would be alone save for Teddy. I felt bad for the woman.

"Teddy needed some water." She looked up.

"Of course." She frowned. "Did he tell you to call him Teddy?" I blanched.

"Yes… is that alright?" She nodded.

"Of course." It didn't sound like it was all right.

"Can I get you anything, Miss Malfoy?"

"Do you have any liquor? I looked but couldn't find anything." With a start I realized she was drunk. Teddy was looking at her in ignorant bliss.

"Miss Malfoy are you sure that's wise?" I asked quietly. She snapped at me.

"Don't pretend to know me." She said sharply.

"I don't presume – " She cut me off.

"No you don't. Bring me Draco. At least he isn't insolent." I stepped back stung. I got water for Teddy and then I went back outside. Draco was still standing with the twins. Hermione had just come out from the maze. I went to Draco.

"Draco?" He turned to me.

"What's wrong?" I almost laughed.

"Andromeda, I think she might be drunk." He sighed.

"I'll go talk to her." I nodded.

"I'll stay here." Draco knelt down in front of Teddy.

"How are you Teddy? You've grown a lot since I last saw you." Teddy smiled shyly.

"Hi Uncle Draco, I'm well." Draco wasn't actually his uncle, but it was cute that he called him that.

Draco came back after a little bit and smiled slightly. Disaster averted. Most of the people were through the maze by then. The only people not through were Ron and Neville.

"You all go in and get ready for gifts." I said smiling. "I'll find them." Valentine laughed.

"Gifts!" They raced inside and the adults followed. Teddy followed Draco. I went back into the maze to find the two men. I found them having a heated discussion barely fifteen feet from the entrance. Rather Ron was heated and Neville was cool as a cucumber.

"What do you know?" Ron snapped. "Nothing! You had a relationship for about a week. Don't pretend to know anything about love!" I blushed – this was not a discussion I wanted to be hearing. I tried to turn around, but it was too late. Ron had already seen me.

"Don't." I said quietly. His face turned tomato-red and he looked as if he was about to explode. "This day is for the twins. Please just come inside and settle your differences later." Ron's face seemed to lose some of its redness. He turned back to Neville and came him a dirty look. He walked back out the entrance and stalked towards the house. Neville looked at me sadly.

"Sorry." I shook my head.

"I somehow doubt it was your fault."

"It was a little bit." I raised my eyebrows.

"About five percent my fault." He smiled a tiny bit. "Maybe four point five percent my fault." I smiled a bit as well. I doubted that.

"We're doing gifts now."

"I wouldn't miss that." Neville said. We walked back to the house in relative silence. Back in the house the twins were holding their first gifts in their lap.

"Sirrah is here!" Romeo called. They tore into the wrapping. Romeo exclaimed joyfully. He held up a new set of gardening tools. That was from all of us at the manor. Valentine smiled toothily as she held up a stack of books. Hermione nodded in approval.

Their next gift was from the Weasleys. Valentine and Romeo held up hand-knit sweaters from Molly, pretending to be excited. Valentine's was pink with a giant gold 'V' in the middle. Romeo's was red with a brown 'R'. Valentine made eye contact with me and smiled widely. I put a hand to my mouth to hide my laugh. Molly Weasley smiled and clasped her hands to her breast.

"You two will be so well dressed." She said smiling. Romeo smiled, but he looked like he was in pain.

The other gift was from George Weasley. He gave them an arrangement of toys from his joke shop. Among the toys were fireworks and pygmy puffs. Valentine giggled as her purple pygmy puff bounced around. Romeo pet his blue pink pygmy puff with a grin on his face.

Andromeda got the twins the very practical gift of books they would need for Hogwarts next year.

"I know it's early." She said. "But I thought it would be a nice investment."

"It's wonderful." I said smiling.

Hermione got the twins more books, and Neville got them their own mandrake plants. Harry and Ginny got them muggle toys. They got a Barbie for Valentine and these things called Pokémon that kind of looked like magical creatures. The last gift was from everyone at the manor.

"Brooms!" The twins exclaimed. We had gotten them a pretty new model. I think the Lightningbolt 2007. The twins looked happy with it so I was happy with it.

After we opened gifts the twins went out back to play with their new brooms and Jasper and I went on to make the barbecue. The cake was sitting in the kitchen under a heating charm. Nobody wanted to eat cold cake.

"So how does this whole barbecue thing work?" Jasper asked.

"I'm not entirely sure. We are supposed to grill things, but we don't have a grill." Jasper looked at me sideways.

"That sounds helpful."

"I was hoping we could just use magic?"

"That sounds good. Do you know any barbecue charms?"

"No, but I know some barbecue transfiguration." Hermione said stepping into the kitchen. "I heard rumors of a barbecue? I am muggleborn, so I know a tad bit about this."

"Perfect!" Jasper said. "If it were up to Sirrah we would all be eating raw meat." I threw him a dirty look.

"That's not true."

For the next hour or so Hermione worked with Jasper and I transfiguring every single piece of raw meat into a steaming hot hunk of deliciousness.

"What smells amazing?" Ellen asked coming in. "I might actually eat that cooked."

"We're almost done!" Hermione said. When we were done we took it out to the tent and served the guests. The twins gawked at the giant cake and promised to eat every last crumb.

Overall I felt as if we had done a good job on this party. In fact I thought we had done great. Jasper and I were standing watching everyone eat. The sun was setting in the background. He suddenly leaned into my ear.

"I'm not sure anyone told you, but you look beautiful." I froze. He said it so nonchalantly. He said it like it was a fact, like it didn't really matter anyway. I smiled a tiny bit.

"Thanks Jasper."

"I'm here for you." He said winking.

"So how's that job coming?" He asked.

"Pretty well. I think Teddy likes me."

"Does the drunk Aunt like you?" I swatted at him while shushing him.

"I'm not sure. Teddy says she doesn't like anyone." Jasper threw his head back and laughed.

"You're perfect for the job."

"What about you? You going to get a job?" He suddenly got serious. He stuck his hands in his pockets.

"You know I was actually talking with Draco about that. I think I might actually go to university. Like a muggle university. What do you think?"

"Jasper that's great!"

"I missed out on a lot of school and I'm not sure I want to go back to Hogwarts – or any magical school. I think I need to just get away from it all, you know?"

"I know." I said sighing. "We knew this wasn't forever."

"That doesn't make it any easier." Jasper said quietly. "You guys are my family now. Nothing will ever change that." He kissed my cheek lightly. "Go have fun. Honestly sometimes I think you're allergic." He pushed me into the crowd.

"That's probably true." I said over my shoulder. The twins were playing with their pygmy puffs happily and I joined them.

"I'm going to name mine Ralph!" Romeo declared loudly.

"Mine's going to be Cassiopeia, but we will call her Cassie."

"Sounds perfect." I murmured.


	21. Chapter 20 Part 1

**A/N: So this chapter is split into two pieces as well, I'm not sure why Doc manager isn't accepting my larger files... Anyway, enjoy! Please review!**

Chapter 20: Emmylou

 _The triwizard tournament was supposed to be a fun time, but I wasn't having a lot of fun. The Yule ball was coming up and all the girls were being asked. Well, all the girls except me. I tried to lie to myself and say it didn't bother me – but it did. It bothered me a lot. I was sixteen, this shouldn't bother me. But it did._

 _When the other girls asked me about it I pretended not to care. The other girls in my room didn't exactly make fun of me, but sometimes they poked at me for fun. It might have been the same, but I pretended it wasn't._

 _I was heading to Herbology and I was late. I was running to try and get there on time, but I knew I would never make it. I got outside and ran at full speed towards the greenhouse. We had Herbology with Gryffindor today and I wasn't looking forward to it. To me it seemed like Gryffindor talked a lot about their bravery, but barely even knew what bravery was. To me it wasn't talk. To me bravery was silent acts of courage that no one knew about. That was real bravery._

 _I ran into class a minute late and Professor_ _Sprout looked at me annoyed._

 _"Ten points from Ravenclaw. Next time you think about being late Miss Safiq remember that your house's points hang in the balance." I groaned. Tonight should be fun. My bunk mates would passive aggressively ask me why I had been late while simultaneously humiliating me with talk of the Yule ball. The only seat left was next to a Gryffindor and I took it begrudgingly. It was Henry O'Connell. The boy everyone either wanted to date, or wanted to be. Of course I didn't like him, but that wasn't exactly an oddity. I hardly liked anyone._

 _"What happened, couldn't get away from your Death Eater duties?" He whispered. I stiffened. It was common knowledge that my family was pureblood, but hardly anyone ever said anything to my face about it._

 _"If you must know I was cleaning slime out of my hair. Someone thought it would be funny to hex me in the hall." I retorted._

 _"Miss Safiq!" Professor Sprout exclaimed. "Another ten points from Ravenclaw. No talking in class." I groaned and put my head on the desk. "Miss Safiq do I need to send you to Headmaster Dumbledore's office?" She asked loudly. I looked up, pure rage on my face._

 _"Please do – I would rather talk to him than sit next to this slimy Gryffindor and listen to you talk about who knows what!"_

 _"That is quite enough! Straight to Headmaster Dumbledore's office!"_

 _"Thank goodness! If I had to sit through another second of this lecture I might have actually cursed myself!" There was a collective gasp around the room. I looked at them angrily. "What never heard of dark magic? It seems to be common knowledge that I'm a pureblood and all purebloods are evil! You might as well get used to it!" I stormed out of the greenhouse. I went straight to Professor Dumbledore's office and waited outside angrily. He came down looking aloof and happy as he usually did._

 _"Hello Miss Safiq." I only nodded at him. "Please come into my office." I followed him up the eagle staircase, fuming all the way. When we got to his office he sat down behind his desk and I sat down on the other side._

 _"What seems to be bothering you Miss Safiq?" I looked up surprised. I had expected a lecture._

 _"Nothing." I lied. He peered at me over the top of his glasses._

 _"Really? I seem to recall someone getting rather angry about a certain comment that a certain Gryffindor made." I looked at him confused. He shrugged._

 _"I see everything that happens at Hogwarts." It wasn't that part that had surprised me so much, more that he had realized that it was Henry's comment that had set me off. Most people were extremely bad at reading my emotional responses. Probably because I didn't have them very often._

 _"How did you know?" I asked finally._

 _"I would have been mad too." He said. "If it is any comfort I obliviated their memories. Everyone in that class simply thinks that you are sick and couldn't come to class."_

 _"Why?" I asked. He shrugged again._

 _"I feel you have great potential. I would hate for everyone in that class to think badly of you."_

 _"They already do." I muttered._

 _"Oh?"_

 _"They all think I'm Death Eater scum. Nothing I do will change that. I can't even get a date to the Yule Ball!" I cried exasperated. I looked up surprised. "Why did I tell you all that?" He smiled._

 _"I just have that affect." I sighed._

 _"It shouldn't bother me you know? Who cares if I have to go the Ball alone? I've always been alone. But it's different. It's like the epitome of pathetic. I can't even convince a gross sixteen year old boy to invite me to a dance."_

 _"I'm sure that's not true."_

 _"Alas – that's the truth."_

 _"Why don't you ask someone?"_

 _"They would say no." He chuckled._

 _"In my experience, they usually say yes."_

 _"What experience was that?" I grumbled. He chuckled again. He seemed to be fond of chuckling._

 _"Miss Safiq like I said – I think you have great potential."_

 _"What's that supposed to mean?"_

 _"You have the potential to be great." He said cryptically._

 _"I think we both know that's a lie. I have the potential to become a Death Eater. That's the only potential I see." This conversation had turned quickly._

 _"Not at all. That's the only potential you see, but I see much more. I see greatness, truly. But not if you continue on this path." I looked at him sadly._

 _"I only see one path."_

 _"Sometimes you have to make your own path." He paused. "Become a pioneer."_

 _"That sounds like an awful lot of work."_

 _"Indeed. Are you ready to go back to class? I believe you have Care of Magical Creatures and I seem to recall you like that class?" It was my turn to chuckle._

 _"You really do know everything."_

 _"It's a curse."_

 _"Not at all. I would love to know everything." I got up from his desk and walked to the door. "I would love to know what the future holds." I said as I walked_

 _out._

 _"That would take away the surprise."_

 _"I hate surprises."_

I resurfaced feeling nostalgic. That had been the only time I had really talked to Dumbledore. It had perturbed me that he had thought I had the potential for greatness. Of course I had proved him wrong – and then proved him right. It had just taken me some time.

I rubbed my eyes tiredly. I hadn't been sleeping well the past few days. In lieu of sleep I had been putting memories into the Pensieve. It helped me to get my mind off of things.

I think the reason for my lack of sleep was my parents upcoming sentence. They were going to get the kiss in a few days. Bellatrix had already gotten the kiss and most of the other Death Eaters were getting it as well. It shouldn't bother me as much as it did, but I couldn't stop thinking about my mother calling to me for help.

I didn't hate her. I didn't hate my father either. They were victims of the pureblood evil just as much as I was. That didn't mean that I forgave them either. I rubbed my temples. I was going to get a migraine. I walked out of the room and was accosted by Mrs. Avery.

"Dear, something is wrong with that tea kettle. It won't heat up the water!"

"I'll look at it." I said exhausted. I walked down to the kitchen with her, trying to look as if I was paying attention to what she was saying. When I got to the kitchen we found that the kettle was not in fact broken, but that she had not turned the burner on.

"You're a life saver dear." She said. I walked back out of the kitchen and collapsed on the sofa in the sitting room. The other thing that had me worried was the full moon. It was in two weeks. Ellen pretended to be fine with it, but I knew she was worried sick. We had obtained a healthy amount of wolfsbane for her so she was going to be able to keep control of herself.

Jasper had promised her he would turn into a bear while she was a werewolf. It seemed to give her some comfort, but it gave me none. Since Bellatrix got the kiss Jasper had refused to eat. I don't think it wasn't a conscious decision, but he just seemed physically unable to eat. He had being going to see Harry a lot,but I didn't know what about.

It felt like things should be getting better, but it didn't seem like they were. Draco was as he always was. Calm and in control, but he visited his parents graves every day – sometimes twice a day. No one seemed to be able to let go of the past.

"Sirrah?" Romeo called from outside in the garden. The front door was hanging wide open letting the cool August breeze in.

"Yes?"

"Could you come help me with my broom? Draco taught me how to get on, but I forgot."

"I'll be right there." I dragged myself up off the couch and out the front door. Outside Valentine was happily flying around on her broom while Romeo pouted on the ground. "It's all right." I said patting his shoulder. "This is pretty hard."

"Valentine got it right away." He said sadly.

"And you'll get it too. Just stand on the left side of your broom. Yes like that. Hold your right hand over it and say 'up'." He followed my instructions and the broom flew into his hand. "Good! Now jump on." He mounted the broom. "Perfect!" He started flying around. He was a bit wobbly, but he was smiling. "You two be careful, alright?" I said. They nodded.

"When will Draco be home tonight?" Valentine called down.

"I'm not sure – I'm going to meet with him, Harry, and Hermione for lunch. I'll owl you when I find out."

"Okay, is Ellen here?"

"I'm here!" Ellen called out her open window. "You will not believe what I just got!"

"What?" The twins called up.

"Tickets to the quidditch world cup!"

"How did you do that?" I asked in awe. "The world cup is in three days. How were their any tickets left?"

"There are always tickets left." Ellen said slyly. I laughed.

"Okay I have to go meet Draco and Harry now, see you guys tonight!"

"Bye Sirrah, love you!" Valentine and Romeo called.

"Love you too!" I went back inside to floo to the ministry. Although the ministry had lifted the ban on our wands I preferred to floo places. I found apparation disconcerting.

When I entered the ministry I found Harry waiting for me. He looked nervous and his glasses were perched on his head.

"What?" I asked. Harry was like an open book for anyone to read.

"Oh nothing." I gave him a look. He waved his hand – he would explain later. We walked to his office in the auror department and there Draco and Hermione waited for us. Draco's face was tight and Hermione looked tired as well.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Getting right to it." Hermione muttered.

"The ministry." Draco said bitterly.

"What about the ministry?" I asked, when no one else offered up any more information.

"They are withdrawing funds from the program. Actually they're just shutting the program down."

"That's not necessarily a bad thing is it?" I asked. They all looked up at me incredulous. "Well, the whole point was for us to become self-sufficient right? I'm trying to get a job and Jasper wants to go to school – I'm sure the others aren't just sitting around waiting for the ministry to shower them with gifts."

"You don't understand," Hermione started. "Without the program we have no grounds to keep the twins." Her words shocked me.

"What?" I sat down across from them and Harry sat down next to me. "They can't do that!"

"Technically we never had custody over them." Draco said. "They were in custody of the program. Without the program the twins go right into the system. The ministry is already looking for families to take them."

I stared at them agape.


	22. Chapter 20 Part 2

**A/N: Chapter 20: Emmylou Part 2**

"Why would they do this now? They wanted us to have the twins. In fact they forced the twins upon us, why are they changing their mind now?"

"They've been under a lot of fire from parts of the wizarding community about leaving the twins in our care." Hermione said spitefully.

"So this is a publicity stunt?" I asked angrily.

"In essence – yes."

"So they are going to stop the whole program just to get the twins?"

"Yes."

"How can we get the twins back?" Harry rubbed the bridge of his nose and put his glasses back on.

"I've been doing some back-channeling and I think we might be able to win the twins in court."

"A custody battle? Is that really what we need right now?" I asked.

"It's our best – only – option."

"Is there any way we can convince them not to shut the program down?" I asked. Hermione sighed.

"I thought about that, but they are pretty set in their decision."

"What if we got a new member?" Draco looked at me surprised.

"Who?"

"My parents. Would they see that as cause to keep the program open?"

"Maybe." Hermione said. "That's a big gamble though. I'll look into it." Draco leaned towards me.

"Are you sure that you want that?" He asked.

"Yes." If we could keep the twins I wouldn't care if I had to see my parents every day. Hermione took a deep shuddering breath and we all looked at her.

"I know this is probably the worst time for me to be making this announcement, but I think it's better if I say it now than later. I'm going to be going back to my old job at the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. I'm going to try and stop the use of dementors at Azkaban." Harry looked aghast at her. "Harry, I love this job and I love helping you, but I've spent too much of my life following you. I need to find out who I am away from you." Harry still looked shocked, but he also looked understanding.

"Alright." He said trying to smile. "If that's what you need to do." We finished talking about our plans and Hermione promised to get on it. Draco and I walked out of Harry's office slowly. Our expressions were grim.

"What if we can't get custody of the twins?" I asked quietly.

"We have to."

"But what if we can't?"

"I don't know."

"I rely on them as much as they rely on me." I said. "They are what drive me to be a better person than I was yesterday."

"Me too." Draco said running a hand through his hair.

"Without them, I don't know who I would be." I said my voice cracking.

"You're still you." He said turning to face me. "You're a lot stronger than you think you are." He glanced at his watch. "Do you have time to go to lunch? I want to tell you a story." I gave him an odd look.

"Okay."

"Do you mind if we side-along apparate?" I shook my head. He took my arm and apparated us away. We arrived on the top of a mountain. I gasped. I could see everything for miles with crystal clarity.

"Where are we?" I asked breathless.

"The Alps." He started walking off and I followed him. He led me down to a little restaurant on the side of the mountain. There were simple picnic benches and tables and we sat down near the edge of the mountain so we could see down to a lake. We got menus and I ordered some sort of potato dish.

"So what story did you want to tell me?" I asked.

"My story."

"Oh." I said surprised. That wasn't what I was expecting. He laughed.

"Don't look so surprised."

"I just didn't expect you to want to tell me." He shrugged.

"I think it will help you." He sighed. "I guess it starts when I decided not to kill Dumbledore. After that I knew that I couldn't be a Death Eater, and that I didn't want to either. I decided I had to get out. It wasn't until the Battle of Hogwarts that I finally got out. My parents and I got out." There was a hitch in his voice. "The year after getting out was the worst of my life. Every single day it was a struggle to get out of bed. We walked around the house like ghosts. We didn't speak, we didn't really eat. I felt guilty, yes, but mostly I just felt lost. Without Voldemort who was I? Nobody. The wizarding world hated us, the Death Eater's hated us, everybody hated us. I didn't do anything. I just sat around all day, staring out the window.

"We might have went on living that way indefinitely, but one day she just arrived. Astoria Greengrass." When he said her name, his eyes went distant as if he was seeing something else. "She came to our door one day and announced she would like a job. At first we turned her away, but she kept coming back. She was determined it seemed to get a job with us. Finally, to avoid further aggravation we let her have a job.

"She was overjoyed. She immediately started cleaning things. We just ignored her. She made the gardens what they are today. Every day she would work out there for hours just planting and watering. She cooked food for us everyday and it was good food too." He smiled to himself.

"She was happy all the time, always flitting around like a little fairy. One day I got so angry at her for just being happy that I started yelling at her. She just smiled through it. She had this goofy smile, and she always tilted her head to the side, kind of like a puppy.

"After that she started inviting me to help her in the garden. At first I refused, but I wondered if maybe this was why she was happy all time. I decided I didn't want to be angry and sad all the time. I was going to try and be like Astoria. I watched her all the time trying to find the secret to happiness. Was it something she had just been born with, or could I replicate it? I started helping her clean too. She was the one who made Malofy Manor beautiful.

"Finally I couldn't stand not knowing. I just asked her. How was she so happy all the time? She just laughed at me. She said 'I'm so happy all the time because I choose to be happy all the time'. I was shocked. I hadn't realized you could choose to be happy. I tried it. It was hard. I didn't immediately turn into a happy little fairy like Astoria, but it opened my eyes to a world of possibilities.

"She stayed with us for a year." His eyes got sad. "During that time I started the program. I – " The food arrived at the table and Draco thanked the waiter. I started to eat my food while he continued the story.

"I fell in love with her." He said quietly. "She was the one who pulled me out of that place of despair just like the twins pulled you out of despair. We got engaged that winter." He twisted a button on his jacket. "A month before the wedding she took me to Tibet. The tent – it was supposed to be our house after we got married." Tears had filled his eyes. I wanted to turn away from his obvious grieving, but I couldn't. I had stopped eating. "Astoria always insisted on walking everywhere. She loved to see the sights and smell the scents – as she always said. One night she had went out to get milk. There was this stray cat that was always coming to our door begging.

"She was walking in a rural part of muggle England and a car came out of nowhere. It hit her and she was killed instantly." His tears overflowed onto his cheeks. "When I found out, I thought I might die on the spot. It felt like every reason for being happy had been taken away from me. I didn't think I had a reason to live anymore." He wiped away a tear. "But I was wrong. Astoria might have been the one who helped me out of despair, but the person who kept me out, was me. I chose happiness, Astoria didn't choose it for me." He sighed as if the story had drained all his energy. I reached across the table and squeezed his hand.

"Thank you." There were tears in my eyes as well. He smiled sadly.

"Let's go see the twins." We apparated home after finishing our lunch. That night Draco showed me a memory in the Pensieve.

"I want you to meet her." He said.

 _It was a beautiful day outside. I was standing at the windows watching Astoria. She was planting tulips in the garden. Her black hair was tumbling down her back in unruly waves. My heart swelled. I fingered the small box in my pocket. My heart beat faster just thinking about it. I glanced in the mirror before going downstairs. I wanted to look nice for this._

 _I walked downstairs heart beating fast. When I got outside I paused at the entrance to the garden. What would she say? Inside the garden I found her kneeling on the ground. She turned around when she heard me and smiled._

 _"Draco, would you like to help me plant tulips?" She was beautiful. I was shocked speechless by her beauty every time I saw her. Her skin was pale, but her cheeks were pink from working outside. Her eyes were a pale green color, and her lips a soft red. Her cheeks were dotted with freckles._

 _I knelt down in the soft soil on both knees, coming eye-to-eye with her. I never broke eye contact with her. She looked confused, but happy as always._

 _"Draco?" I reached into my pocket and took out the box. She didn't look at it. She just looked at me._

 _"Astoria," I opened the box and she finally looked at it. Like a cloud uncovering the sun, a smile grew on her face. "Will you marry me?" She looked up at me, head tilted to the side, giant grin on her face._

 _"Yes."_

 **A/N: I love this chapter! Writing it was so fun. Also the restaurant that Draco takes Sirrah to is real - It's in Austria. I went there last year.**


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